Liverpool - Singapore match - 26 July 2009 Hee, my first soccer match live. It's a bit strange that there were no live commentaries, like how it is on ESPN or StarSports.. Feels kinda weird. Well not bad, quite nice. As good as watching rugby. Heh.

Just received the news a while back that Amy has been called home... Even though we've kind of expected it to come, it's nevertheless shocking to hear of when it has really happened. Guess Joel is not taking it very well. Moreover, he's been there for her ever since they met in JC/Uni times. Your first love and the person whom you've set up a family with. No matter how sick she may be, it still hurts when she's gone.

I'm surprised that I've not cried immediately when Jian Hong msged. Think I kind of stared at my mobile for a while waiting for the news to sink in. Was supposed to do some work tonite, but I think there's more to life and prayers to be said than just to dig deep into work.

What should I say or do when we see Joe and the family tomorrow? I'm not sure. My mind's kinda in a mess but it cannot be worse than Joe's.

Take care Joe. Don't ever ever lose sight of what Amy has gone through with you, the family you have, and more importantly, the God who's understanding is far greater than yours.

Amy, thanks for being there to influence and guide my younger years. Pkg, Vien and my lives have been touched and enriched by your service and enduring love all these years. And I pray that you'll find the peace and joy which might have eluded you during this journey.

It's been exactly a week since I was msging Joe to catch up on the situation at home and Amy's health.. How things change over a matter of 1 week. Things seemed to hv worsened and the family's preparing for the worst.

Yup I've had my fair share of 2nd round of crying and I think be a wreck when it really happens. But the tears that we shed will never be the same as Joe's. My heart really goes out to Joe and the kids. When things in life seemed to hv falled right in place nicely. 2 lovely kids, warm family and a new place called home after waiting for 3years.. Then sucha bomb comes.

I've recently been starting to wonder what if it happens to me. A nagging thought behind me whispers that I've got all the wrong genes in the family and someday I'll end up either like grandpa or grandma. Ok I secretly hope it's grandpa's case of heart attack cos it was immediate. Well, it's a really morbid thought, but I think we all go through such moments in life when we space out.

Anyway, here I am sitting at my laptop supposed to do work but my heart tells me what's the purpose of this. Yet another part of me says that we need to put to practice what we've learnt frm Life @ Work - to do the best of our abilities as a worship to glorify God. Hmm, I shall just ponder for the next few moments deciding whether I shld start working on my report or just spend time chatting or just being around at home with the family..

Hv been whining and complaining more than usual lately about work. Things are piling up and everyone is stretched. So much to monitor, report, inspect etc.. But at times when I can step back and evaluate whether it is really that crappy work, I look back at the past when it was audit. The most horrendous time of my life. If not for the gd team that I've been, I'd probably not hv gone back after internship, or even lasted more than 6mths.

The kind of emotional stress of not meeting family and friends, just seeing your client and colleagues, struggling to stay chirpy even tho it's 11pm each nite was terrible. Working when you're hving jet lag and fever, and still balancing the stupid trial balance. Gross..

So here comes my internship senior asking whether I wanna join a new set up in financial advisory. I'm kinda scared out of my pants to go back there. Even advisory services isn't all that great. Yup the hours and overtime claims are better than mainstream audit, but you can't guarantee that you don't get seconded to other depts and clear crappy work. Boo..

Doubt I'll dare go back there. Besides, they're doing pay freeze and claming down on overtime claims. If I go back, probably get worse compensation package and a worse lifestyle. Eee... No no.. I'll endure whatever the current place give me and not go back to audit. Senior and Supervisor life there is worse worse than an Assistant.

No thanks, senior!

God's ways are higher than ours and sometimes it's hard to comprehend why He allows certain things to happen. When the world crumbles and looks so bleak before us, we wonder if there's light at the end of the tunnel. The good thing is that in His family, even if the light at the end seems so far away and unreachable, we still have family and friends holding candles to light up the place around us. To walk alongside us towards the end of the tunnel.

Whenever I think of Amy, I just feel like crying.. Met up with Xian and Serene, and we understood how things were when Xian and the band had a webcam session with Joe, Amy and the kids. Amy has shrunken a lot since the last we met her at her place. She's now left with skin and bones; her stomach cannot take any food and she keeps throwing up. Smsed Joe and heard that she's no longer mobile and very frail. She's only taking morphine and medication right now. The long marathon has also taken a toil on Joe and the rest of the family. On top of his daytime job, Joe's waking up several times a night to look after Amy and help with the injections. He's both physically tired and emotionally drained. Can even see it from his FB statuses.

Hv been msging Joe tonite becos I dn dare msg Amy (she's apparently very tired and sleeping 18hours on average). Can sense his weariness, and I don't really know what to say but just offer help when they need. Guess it's also hard for him because everyone in the family's too tired to handle any visitors, and the kids might not be familiar with the rest of us. But I'm sure at anytime he calls for help, the whole gang will come rallying around them.

Heard from Xian that the docs gave her 6mths when Amy was last operated on in Feb/March. Well, I just sat at my seat during lunch and stared at my soup. Kind of stunned for words or emotions right then.

It'll be wonderful if Amy can make it for John and Michelle's wedding.. I'm not even thinking of hoping that she'll come for ours, but at least she knows abt the gd news. We'll just wait upon the Lord and earnestly pray for His grace and mercy to be upon her..