american idol fever's over with the crowning of fantasia. but somehow i didn't enjoy it as much as season 2. last season i was hovering between clay n rooooben. this season, i guess i only liked la toya (who was dissed out) and jasmine (cuz she's juz too pretty) the guys can't make it. and the final 2 aren't really my favourite. not much on screen charisma.

anyway my point is tt it blows me away when ppl can sing and belt out such stuff frm their little frames. kate's one power house. not loud in tt sense, but your grunge girl singer type. evan's got tt high yet angelic voice. such little girls, but wonderful singing. they make a fantastic duo. envy those with such gifts cuz yours truly really can't sing. i sound horrid. so when i go ktv, i'll juz watch mtv n mouth the words. haha.. sparing a thought for the ppl around me, u see.

singapore idol's coming up. wonder how it's gonna be like. when i heard tt cheryl seah was gg for audition, i laughed my head off man. okok maybe i shld be nice. she could hav an awesome voice, juz tt i dunno. don't pin your hopes on this season of singapore idol unless those charismatic church singers come. wah biang, they can really sing. this lady frm the rock (new creation church). wow, she really has a superb voice. yeah, if those of tt league goes. tt's a watcher.

working life isn't nice at all. u've got no life. do overtime when u can't finish your work and all. cooped up in the office. tt's your little microcosm. i can't imagine having to endure sucha life. used to laugh at people who's life ambition is to be a tai tai. well i guess tt kinda life is less restricted- you get to do what you want w/o worries or deadlines. i'll be a different tai tai. travel the world lah, shop a bit. but maybe go to orphanages or mission trips. yeah, tt's less bimbotic.

here i am at work. nothing to do not becuz everyone's free. in fact it's the reverse. i've juz got nothing to do cuz no one's teaching me how to. gosh... i'm typing in fear i get caught. spent my whole morning surfing new websites. how boring is tt..

i've always been paranoid when it comes to my health. those giddy spells hav been coming back now. yikes! started when i was in sec sch. it used to be sudden pain in the back of my head. imagined the doc diagnosing me with brain tumour. pictured myself lying in hospital bed, saying bye to my friends n crying. super freaked out, until i realised it happened regularly. came to take it as part of me. told my mom, she got a shock of her life. then i told her it's not unusual. hahah, she's another paranoid one. said i better hav full body checkup when i start work. or i might get high blood like my grandpa. whatever it was, i imagine what wld happen shld i really die. would i divulge my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings? i wonder. what would my family n friends' reaction be?

here i am talking about death again. we're all humans made of flesh. it's natural to fear even if you know where you're headin for after your life here. we all fear of how we die. will it be painful and torturous? my close friend once asked me how i wanna die. obviously i said die a natural death in my sleep. how abt other ways she asked. guess the next best option for me is to die of a heart attack. it's quick and fast. not a lingering death.

muz spare everyone of this death issue. juz becuz i'm feeling giddy and tt my head's numb doesn't mean u've gotta go thru what i am. yep, i'm talking crap. a typical sign when my head's gg bonkers. either tt u see me staring at you not saying anything. juz a blank look.

RIP

have you ever felt that your life seems to be in the dumps when u look at others? yup, it's bad to compare. but tt's life. we live in relativity, not in absolute terms. comparison kills you, as so they say, but we're mere mortals. how can we possibility stop ourselves from tt? why do we enjoy the excitement of living in someone else's shoes for a day? for the excitement and break in our life's monotony as they say. but in reality, the hidden motivation is because that life is something we hope to have. it's scary how some people's lives are so different frm your own. seems to be so gd to be true it scares you. someday i'll live the life i desire. but at the moment, it only exists in my mid air sandcastles.

boy, i havent been online for ages. and i juz checked my email. gosh, it's overflooded with those stupid spam mails. how irritating it is. strangely enuff, some stupid search tool bar keeps loading itself to my com. i can't delete it frm my program list. it's blocked?! why on earth do these ppl wanna load their search bar on my com? i never use em anyway. worst of all, they're x-rated. but yeah, tt's what it claims to be. no one ever touches it. damn those ppl who load this things on my com n block me frm deleting em. i want my com space! my com's gettin slower already. it's barely a yr old. juz coming to a yr old. argh...

sat beside some worker back frm work in my company's bus. eeeks... they smell. the kind of sweat smell guys produce (pardon me for being crude but it totally irks me) he was sleeping n nodding all the way. i was squirming in my seat having to endure it. pasted myself against the window, praying tt his head stays on his shoulder n to the little area around his head. this is not the end. when i tried getting off, this chap slept n cldn't wake up. sacrificed my index finger to poke him like almost 4 times before getting him to wake up. frantically got off the bus and away frm the us of smell tt permeated becuz it was practically filled with workers. bless my nose. i'll hav to take this everyday for 2 more mths

ok i sound so bitchy and petty abt this. but there are somethings tt i can't tolerate. i wont verbalise it. but yeah, i'm screaming for help in my heart.

it's the hols and i'm totally drained out. concuss so early and i'm tired every morning. imagine having to wake up at 520am juz to start work at 730am? altho i end work early, i'm almost packed meeting friends lah blah blah. and u can't help but stay out longer with ur friends. so now i end up sleeping even later. the cycle goes on. sleep depravation. black eyes n eye bags developing. i need my beauty sleep..

getting fat again becuz of all tt office work. anyway i'm having second thoughts of whether i'll really be an accountant as i set out originally. yeah, call me a bore staring at all numbers. anyway back to my work. this stupid program tt's supposed to be easier to use is so damn hard. all those strings of numbers make absolutely no sense to my simple logical brain. but yeah, to them this is so simple to enter into the data. for 5 long days, i still dunno anyth. my supervisor has been explaining the same thing again n again and i still don't get it. (sounds like lulu in daddy's girls) yeah i'm r.e.t.a.r.d.e.d.

yeah but i also asked my supervisor if she's considered an accountant. surprisingly she said no. she's only an acct asst. hmm... so the whole finance dept only has 3accountants?! weird.. maybe i shld ask my uncle whether accountants really need to learn tt program. i hope not cuz it's driving me nuts and i'll hav to do this for more than 2mths! bless me.. i'd rather do other stuff there. so stressed on friday and it's only my 1st wk at work. how abt mth end?! and end of the quarter?! so suay lor, i'll hit right smack in these 2 big periods. argh, then no one will be free enuff to help me reverse my errors (which i already broke the record there for no of errors within a day)

wanted to grumble n complain my heart out over work yest but yeah i didn't cuz my dad's was using the com. oh anyway, i did sth a bit drastic to my hair. meant to juz hav a cut, but ended up dying n cutting it a like ql's hair. not as short but has the same one long side. officially broke cuz i squandered more than a day's pay juz on my hair in like what one and a half hrs time? yeah i was a bit pissed off at work, so my hairdresser happened to come in time to ask me if i wanted to dye my hair. my form of expression. anyway so now i'm learning how to gel my hair. think it's too heavy, so it flops back like it always does.

today's a much better day. maybe cuz i read daily bread and God talked to me. reminded me not to judge for it's His power. and to work n serve faithfully. absolutely right smack in my heart: the big lesson for yest and tt i tried practising today. yup, when u seek God to help u go thru things, it's a whole lot of difference. i didn't sulk and found more joy in my work. and i hope i'm still in the midst of finding tt joy.

sth i learnt frm juz a couple day's of work: the academic world is so well-cushioned agst politics. the private sector is a major minefield. no wonder branson kwok likes being in ntu. lookin back to my prev job. realised tt altho it was a very rigid jap co, but at least my colleagues made the stay fantastic. sth really memorable! miss em actually.

oh gosh, how cld real madrid lose?! ok i'm not a soccer fan. juz watch a bit. saw the sports news highlights. oh man. the star studded team. my favourite for totally bimbotic reasons. i don't play soccer so i dunno how to judge by skills. why i like madrid:
1. they've got the delicious beckham!
2. then there's capt raul gonzales
3. the blur blur luis figo
4. botak zidane
5. shortie carlos
6. cute lil' boy ronaldo
7. and finally, they've got nice white jerseys!!!!
ok, talk later. i'm gonna watch the rebecca loos interview. she's kinda pretty, too bad she's a woman with no shame. totally not surprised if it was chelsea's plot to pay loos to hang beckham's dirty linen in public. she gets to gain twice (one frm chelsea's bribe to get her to spill the beans, another frm all gossip tabloids) chelsea totally gets to gain so much frm this whole scam (or the truth as u might say) they know so well tt ms arrogant victoria will kick up a fuss n demand becks to get back to england. then chelsea can conveniently buy becks over! sounds logical rite? i make sucha a great team manager

had a great laugh at ah lian's blog. she never never ever amazes me with her writing. it's so original, honest and yeah her words juz blows me away. writing juz comes so naturally for her. tt's our spiderwoman for u. always tickling us with her funny actions.

then we also hav raisin. our capt. the nick i gave her for being so dark (aft so much trg) and dry. like a raisin obviously. a hell of a capt. u'll never find any person more committed than her. very sweet ladyee who's also a feminist. but she's a really gr8 pal. can juz talk rubbish with her. i always find myself chattin with her non-stop.

shaqi: our beloved little girl. ops. ok she aint tt little. she's older than all of us. don't belittle this cute girl. all smiles on and off the field. but her legs are wonderful man. it carries her so fast n so far. literally floats across the field.

the other half of dynamic duo steph. a gymnast on the field. falling and tripping but can still laugh at herself after tt. cool girl who's equally fast. always smiling, even tho we juz got punished. wonder where she gets her joy. no temper at all too.

mighty mouse jieren. our ms charming. as i always say. if i'm a guy, she's the first girl i'll date in the team. so cute in her subtle way. we used to decide on which link either of us will take. she'll take one and i take the other. our sporty chick jieren.

yam. coach's sister. the only one who can play hand games with him and BEAT him to it. hahha one cock girl. but so cute as well. she's got the most steady relationship. never seen a couple so mature. not ur little kiddish 1/2mth relationship. our winger too. the one i usually support on the field.

chock. hahaha ms molestor. likes to touch ppl, esp ah lian who'll be super freaked out and start telling us abt it. another girl u can't juz judge by lookin at her. she's all girlie, but she can run in her mini skirt?! yeah didn't notice until a jr told me in a totally shocked voice.

jac. oh jac.. the prettiest in the team. yeah one of the 4 beauties (inc hong, ah lian & jess) the ferrari of the team. also a winger like yam. the nicest girl who like to bake n cook. also accident-prone. imagine falling badly juz b4 our first match. gosh..

team manager hong. ms motherly and great cook. can whip up a meal for her family. very gentle n has nice ball handling. our model of an ideal wife. the one my mom pointed out to hav a star's face.

jess, hong's bloodsister. another one happily attached to her bohan. her life goal's to set up a child care center in m'sia. like hong, she's absolutely a ms nice. all girlie, she follows soccer and goes to pubs to watch matches. cool huh?

then there's ms diva rachel. part of the 3musketeers (ah lian, rach n myself) she bounces on the field, together with the long bouncy hair. haha.. can act super bimbotic but hidden behind tt face's a brainy chick. likes things glittery n girlie.

here's introducing my beloved team:: RUGGRATS. a total mix of characters soo different, but yet melt together perfectly. as jac said, it's precisely this blend of ppl tt makes us unique, how we cld come together.

oh never forgetting big fat (whom lobster n i call beefcake) seems egoistic n loud, but yeah nice at times (definitely not when we do anyth wrong n in the midst of punishing us)

one day, we'll send our kids to jess' child care ctr. then hav dr zheng to give us regular checkups. all the accountants in the team will manage the child care, while rach admister the medicine with her bio backgrd together with shaqi's chem engrg. hong can also give us regular x-rays. finally yam will handle all legal stuff.

ok this is a really long entry. if u ever finish reading this, hats off to you. bet u don't understand half of what i juz said anyway. hahhaa...

found a new template. ok i dig things tt are black n white. very unique n edgy. esp old bw photos. don't ask me what ephymerous is. the better person to ask wld be ah lian. maybe i shld check the dict later on. yeah. can't get rid of the banner beind this. yeah.. quite a raw template. in need of refinements which i'll probably not be doing. hahha...

can't believe it. this morning i was flippin ard in bed wondering what i'm gonna do for the next 3mths. and opened my blog. realised tt my favourite pic is gone. really really liked the template. but yeah. the pic was gone so v ugly. anyway was juz looking ard for new template until some agency called me up. so here i am: employed again in tuas area. but yeah. the pay's low but i guess cannot complain cuz i can't possibly get the same rate as i did b4 becuz this is thru agency. anyway so gonna start work on monday. which means i can't really meet up with my pals in the morning. seesh. hope i don't hav to dorn some ugly n awful uniform like i did at shimano. wish me luck on monday..

call me desperate. but i've been lookin for a job since monday. getting sick n tired of this. can't they juz gimme a call or sth? apply n apply. argh! can't be picky abt the pay now. joce cldn't even find one after a wk of searching. she thinks of being a waitress. hmm wonder if she'll really do it. but yeah, maybe she'll go paddy fields. hahha like when we went there together. oh whatever. juz gimme a job. i wanna save for my trip!

TWENTYSOMETHING - Jamie Callum
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even seperate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
THESE ARE THE DAYS
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine
Sometimes when the nights are closing early
I remember you and I start to smile
Even though now you don't want to know me
I get on by, and I go the extra mile
These are the times of love and meaning
Ice of the heart has melted away and found the light
These are the days of endless dreaming
Troubles of life are floating away like a bird in flight
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine


hmm listened to his songs online. kinda cool. some new age jazz chap. edgy n nice. more funk than norah jones. anyway i guess, this song twentysomething will apply to me real soon. all so lost as to where to go. not sure to pursue our fantasies or reality. yeah, life's a struggle. a contradiction. "we all seem so different, but we're just the same". cheers to all twentysomethings or so to be. u'll know what i mean.

suddenly remember our favourite stick figure, calista flockhart in her role as ally mcbeal. can't rem the name off hand. but yeah, tt seemingly silly character lost in her world. a neurotic at times. but hey, aren't we like tt sometimes? met a friend, hmm maybe u can call it acquaintance. but yeah, she always told me she totally relates to mcbeal. used to think she's so funny. fancy watching some show and being so engrossed until u say u're like tt character. never took her words seriously, until i bumped into her recently. yeah, she's graduating frm fashion school. not planning to work. gonna tour the world. probably be station in china (of all places china. hahha) but yeah, tt's what she wants. not a 9-5 job, sitting by the computer n surrounded by 4 walls. she even intends to set up her own bag shop eventually. sewed a couple of bags n sold em. cool eh?! but yeah, now i know why she says she's like mcbeal. if she's gonna follow the well-trodden path. she'll go mad. neurotic like mcbeal. suffocated in the system. yeah, different ppl different lives.

saw this pair of nike slippers at nike women at taka when i was with raisin. oh man, it was so nice!!! it matched with my purple pants and was totally comfortable. then we went to queensway and i tried it. wah... so nice. but it's so darn costly. 45bucks for a pair of flip flops. how can i spend tt kinda money? altho i really really want to.. oh pls, let this pair of slippers drop from heaven right now. it'll make my day..

so many thoughts running thru my puny little brain. not planning to articulate everyth. a blog is still a blog, it's not private. it's open n free for all. some things are best left to be stored inside urself. yeah, kinda jaded now. so this is it. the start of my so-called holiday.

hahha guess the whole world knows abt the exam leak incident. when chock told me on thurs, i juz laughed. pity tt lecturer who's gonna be trying real hard to save his little ass. hahhaa... how can u be so careless to leak it on edventure? my gosh, some big joke played on all candidates. hahhaa... but pity the students cuz they might hav2 retake the exam. what the... imagine them muggin for it and now they've gotta suffer again becuz of some silly error.

one more paper to go. and i'm not really reading my mktg. juz slacking this labour day, watching billboard and silver clef. watched anywhere but here last nite so i'm juz gonna continue my tv marathon again. hahha... wish me luck for my smoking skills on monday.

couple of thots ran thru my mind during this period. esp my dreams.. ahhaha.. my weird but funny dreams. well, didn't blog it cuz i muz keep it as my secret. hahaha it's not some wet dreams mind u. i've juz got the strangest dreams ever. once dreamed tt i was shot in the head twice. and i juz died. some war thing. weird tt i even escaped being shot the first time round. but yeah, i was shaken. my mom said i was mad. hahhhaa... she's used to my dream-telling