Mental note to self - NEVER take the MRT during rush hour with a kid in tow.

Some crazy tourist squeezed in a jam packed train with his child's empty pram, then signaled to his wife who was carrying their daughter to squeeze in when the lights was flashing and the announcement was made that the train door was closing. Goodness me, the door really closed and almost squashed both mother and child. Crazy father endangering his loved ones' lives just so that they can take the same train together. The mother initially hesitated cos the train was crowded but the stupid man kept asking them to board. What's going on in the father's mind?!

Tummy ache on my way to office on Christmas eve? Pls depart frm me, you evil tummy ache! I want to enjoy Christmas!

Very tiring Christmas period at work. So much to do, so limited resources. The tight deadlines are coming frm senior senior mgmt. Even my bosses r fighting back but to no avail. It's like drop dead deadlines. Sob.

Don't care. I shall enjoy my first Christmas with the family! :)

Sad. My hair was squashed by the MRT door :( had to break quite a few strands of hair to get myself out :( :(

Think I'm really gonna cut down the number of trips to the nursing room. My supply is just on a downward trend even tho I keep latching Jon on and continue with my 3-times-a-day visit to the nursing room. Maybe it's just the body saying Jon is getting bigger. Just let him go on FM. Bleah. Anyway already not bad I guess? I wasn't even confident of lasting that long, even if we were on a mixture of BM and FM. I secretly expected my supply to die out much earlier. :P

Crap.. I forgot to bring my milk bag to work.. :( :( moving to a new place has messed up my whole morning momentum and routine. This is the settling-down-into-new-house phase. Shall go back home during lunch time to ease my twin friends and also pick up the bag for the afternoon session. Lol..

1 Dec 2012: we moved into our own place! Yipee! Although it was quite chaotic to manage the house moving process (and of course everyone was tired and there was a little accident with Yan's toe), it finally struck home that this is it - we have our own family and home, and we finally 'leave the nest' to manage our own nest.

It's gonna be full of responsibilities and of course tiring, but it's part and parcel of the growing up process.

Thank God for the new home! It's my earnest prayer that ours would be a Christ-centered family, filed with His love, peace and joy. May all who walk through our doors be welcomed with warmth and may the time of fellowship in our humble abode be enriching. :)

Dang.. There's a hole in the Lanshioh BM storage bag which Wendy kindly gave me. Think it's been kept for too long? The plastic got stuck together and the hole appeared after I had to tug it apart so that BM could flow into the bag. Bleah, now I must figure out how to pour back into bottles or continue using the milk bag but ensure BM doesn't flow out through the hole :| please don't let my hard-squeezed BM go to waste..

I know this is bad but I have $&#%!? swimming in my head and all in CAPS even though I'm not verbalizing it. Aaahhhh... Freakin shit. Why so much work..

Freaking crap.. I'm so busy that I can feel my heart racing like mad and I'm out of breath.. Why is everyone in office so freaking busy! Laurencia even worked till 11pm on a Friday. What's wrong with our work.. Seriously..

We hurry through life. No time to smell the roses, or just lay in bed with our loved ones and watch the clouds drift past our windows. So sad..

So cute. There's a middle age couple beside me in the train helping one another beat the high score on a smartphone game :) Pork Chop and I used to do that every night when I was preggers too! :)

Forgot to add how the little girl is so cute and pixie-sized as compared to our baby Jon :P she just walked past me and I caught myself making a mental comparison of her t-shirt size with Jon's current size. Haha I doubt our boy can squeeze into her t-shirt. Jon Jon is too big. Hahaha! Omg, and he's not even a year old..

Thumbs up to parents who commute to and from CBD with their children who are based in childcare centers in the same area.. Very amazing how they manage their working hours, look after their children's safety while squeezing with the rest of the world in our 'amazing' public transport system, managing screaming or unhappy children during the process (especially when the kids are fussy from being confined in a small space on the trains). Complete salute man!!

I just walked past two different sets of parents - one mother bringing her son (that's my colleague), another father with his daughter.

Lousy me probably have to sit after a short while becos Jon is too heavy and tall. I'm such a not-steady mum..

Sigh. I find myself repeating myself year after year. We are nit picking over very small matters. Oh my gosh! Argh. Maybe job misfit.

It's funny how I often get this comment that I look like a school girl carrying bag to classes, when colleagues see me head to the nursing room with the trusty pumping backpack. :P does that mean I can pass off for student priced meals when I bring my family out next time? Muahahaha, my money-saving tactic!!

Seriously at this time of the year, I feel like crying at work everyday. Don't know why am I putting up with this every year and nothing seems to work even tho I keep trying to improve things. I have a family, just let me go nursing room and go home for proper dinner with my family. This is unlike the past when I still can work late.. Gosh. Just kill me pls..

Feeling like cabbing home and not waste time on commuting home..

Sigh. Some people really cannot make it. Always cannot rise up to the occasion to fire fight. Still end up on the laps of more efficient/competent persons. Really think it's the deliberate strategy of these people to dodge work. But I wonder if they even care that this leaves a bad reputation on themselves that won't bode well for them when recruiters do reference checks.

Mad cap morning. Don't even have time to go to the loo... :(

Can't believe that I just spent 20mins of my life waiting to board a train. And now I can finally move closer to my destination. World class transport hub???

Can't believe that a certain person actually told my poor colleagues who have been working very hard and putting in late hours, even working throughout weekends, that there is no divide between working and personal lives. How can you say such things to people who have diligently put in soo much effort to deliver work?! No empathy or appreciation meh? Even if you disagree, don't put it across like that lah. There are so many ways of communicating something or even sharing views, but we must be reasonable and fair in what we say. Sigh.. Such is our lives..

Seriously crazy morning. Just sat on my desk and had to answer voice mails, calls, chat messages, emails.. All urgent as of yesterday kind. Argh. Don't even have time to go to the loo or blow my nose properly.

Poor colleague's dad passed away yesterday evening and she still had to send email this morning on some high priority matters. I hope this is her last email and she's not working during her compassionate leave. Poor girl.. Tough to be working on high profile stuff that entire senior management is watching. She's been working late almost everyday for quite some time. Really hope she had time on a personal level to be with her dad before he passed on.

Finally found out what "ootd" means - outfit of the day.

*facepalm* am I so out of touch??

Can't believe I just walked the whole Tanjong Pagar MRT and didn't find anything that looks appetizing or worth my moolahs for lunch. Ended up buying some random food at International Plaza. Damn sian. I can't believe that Macs and Burger King actually appear to be the most value for money food within my office vicinity. Yucks!

New discovery of 93.8fm's morning policy discussion. Very interesting to hear comments from a wider audience than just people in my sector. Helps put things into perspective. But also reinforces my belief that it's very easy to air comments and opinions, but hard to make that real decision in an attempt to seek that optimal (hopefully closer to utopian) balance..

Wow I just saw 3 preggies walk out of the train together. Really a lot of babies this year. Poor Jon..

Hee hee I get v excited when I can meet fellow mummies to share our happiness with our young families and share baby tips :)

Don't like it when people haggle with me over prices. I rather not sell cos I'm not all that hard up. It's just to get rid of the object and free up space at home. If a person is genuinely interested in buying something, pls make sure the thing is within your budget to start off with. Don't waste everyone's time haggling over an already very cheap price. Heh, I've decided not to sell. You may wish to now purchase the same item at twice the price at any retail shop. Thank you!

This lady seems to have forgotten her little box. The box is left on the bus and her body language appears as if she's going to leave the bus without it. Should I tell her that her box is still here? Haha I'm just following SCDF's instructions to alert people who leave behind objects, lest its some terrorist attack :P thought I doubt it cos the box is cute and so is the lady.

Should I reduce the number of nursing sessions to just twice a day during working hours? I've been going three times daily, but my output every since coming down with viral fever is just equivalent to 4 bottles (my previous output from two sessions). How how??

Like how this photo shows everyone in a relaxed and playful mood. Nice shot, Yan!

Such a warm day. Was scorching during lunchtime (thank goodness I ate in office today), and it's still warm this evening..

Gosh, my viral fever really caused my supply to dip SO drastically. I wonder if I can even pump to reach half of what I used to have.. Sobs.. Think Jon Jon can move to FM completely quite soon. Meanwhile I just give what I still have.

Aahhh how come the blocked ducts still not clearing up? For every moment that it stays, I'm so worried that it's something more sinister.. :(

In my grogginess from consuming medication, I actually erroneously sent a message meant for my hubby to my boss. Epic fail!

So eager to attempt expressing more cos volume is dipping, that I feel sore. And I look a little bruised (literally).. :(

Sigh, LTE network is super shiok but it drains the phone battery VERY easily too :(

Sigh, something's wrong with our society and industry. Everyday more things happen, questions start, more work. The cycle just keeps going and we move at an exponential pace. Even friends in the industry are saying there's a lot of work. Sighhhhhh..... Sometimes I even think hard about leaving my desk for toilet break.

There's this blog by a SAHM in KL that I've been following. She has two websites - one to review baby items and another on her homeschooling journey. It's pretty amazing to read of what you can do to teach a child. She's much more structured since she has the capacity as a SAHM (where you get more time with the child during the day). But I think teaching is at EVERY opportunity available; even in normal day lives. A lot is taught when the adults aren't even conscious of it, and these are the things that a child remembers most vividly and carry with them throughout their lives.

Here's a link on what this KL mummy experienced: http://www.mummyshomeschool.com/meaningful-conversation-with-children/

Oh gawd, I realized I'm more capable and ready to 'scold' outsiders when sth cocks up. Must be all the 'training' frm my work that has made me fiercer over time. Haha! I feel a bit bad that two salesperson had to tahan my angry tone when their HQ cock up. Yikes, am I becoming like my boss? Like what many ppl say "the longer you stay, you will become like them"?? Oh no... Ops... Haha but nvm, it helps to a certain extent cos now won't be taken advantage of by terrible merchants. I would've been a total chicken in the past. Heh..

放工一条龙! Haha.. I'm suddenly v hyper and cannot stop bobbing to the music playing in my earphones :)

Ahhhh!!! There seems to be a baby lizard on the floor in the nursing room. I scared out of my wits yet I can't exit cos I'm still in the midst of my session.. How?!

Today, I look at my boss differently. I think she is genuinely tired and very poor thing. No break at all and still trying to smile everyday. Now I feel bad for turning her down when it came to overseas jobs. Nvm, I will make up by helping out with the division in Sgp. I'm suddenly v thankful that my team ain't as stretched and stressed as the other team. We are all very stretched but they are really worse..

Our anniversary movie date!

Enjoyed a lovely day with my dearest hubby yesterday celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary !! Wheee! We've dated for 6yrs and been married for 2yrs! Whoo hoooo!

It was nice just to stroll around together, walking slowly and having a nice long chat the whole day. :) :)

Can't wait for many more years together!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)

Damn hyper today. Listening to the Corrine May song that she did for mass karaoke session during her concert, and I'm trying to stop myself from bobbing to her music on the train :P

For some strange reason, Elliot's wedding speech on his close relationship with Kate has ben ringing in my head while I do my motherly duties.

I keep thinking back on how much fun me and my brothers had playing together. Despite our 6/8 years age gap, we could somehow play with one another. Haha ok maybe I was childish. It was nonetheless fun playing together (so long as it wasn't computer games cos they would gang up and make me loose so that the loser give up his/her game controller to the other person). I even vividly remember how we used household utensils to pretend that they were musical instruments and we formed a rock band. We must have looked so foolish (and in our own world) that Mom took a photo of us and our "band". I think we even posed for her in one shot. This photo is still in my childhood photo album.

We even took an old big cardboard box and pretended it was a plane! Think we took turns to be the pilot and passengers. Haha...

Hahaha my mom is so funny. I sent her Jon's photo (the post just before this), and she replied "有志气"! Hahahahahaha... She even use emoticons! I'm amazed at how hanging out with younger colleagues at work makes her so happening. Lol

Some industry counterpart said he was shocked that I'm sending so many emails to them. They are still stuck in the mentality that public servants have an easy life and don't work hard. Pui! We work as hard as you okay..

Wah the two Ang Mohs in front of me are sooo tall that their heads are touching the MRT ceiling.. Im not even up to their arm pits. Hmm maybe cos on flats. Luckily I'm not standing directly beside them. Haha, would have been a funny sight if I did. Lol.. Tall vs short!

Saw two totally different kinds of commuters in a short span of 5mins.

First, a nice Indian lady and I were queuing to enter the train and she managed to get on first. There was a little spot left and she turned to me, smiling and gesturing me to come on board. She tried to wriggle to one corner to give me more space. So wonderful hor? Anyway I didn't board cos I felt my milk bag would hit her and occupy more space in the already packed train. I smiled back at her and said I would take the next train.

Second, some Indian man just cut my queue and barged up into the train and occupied the one and only space. He didn't even care that there was a queue. Just barge in with his office briefcase; squashing the people who were on board the train.

Same commuters but so different experiences. Had it not been for that Indian man, I would've blogged that this is a happy Friday morning cos the Indian lady made my morning commute so happy.

The inertia to write this report for the 5th year in a row is quite overwhelming.. I never imagine myself to start surfing for furniture at such early hours.

How I wish my secular job involves looking and handling pretty items and not MS Office all day. :) Such bimbotic desires..

Wow, this man is talking at the top of his voice at the MRT platform. I'm standing at one end and I can hear him. As if city life is not already noisy, we have these people who talk so loudly as if they are in a fight. Really treasure peace and quiet..

There's a very strange smell coming from the nursing room beside me.. It's as if the machine is burning up... Yikes...

Ummm, someone brought an alarm clock to the nursing room in office... I just heard it ring.. Hahahahaha...

This sounds a little crazy but I think I work more efficiently when I'm stressed up than when I'm more relaxed. It sounds like a totally weird outcome as most would think that we would be able to think through issues/work more carefully when we are not hard pressed for time. But I find myself doing the opposite even though I logically would like to have more time and be less stressed. So strange. Looking back, it seems this trend has been manifesting itself since I was a student.

Aunties are often the same - they like to squeeze and cut your queue. *facepalm* I happened to be standing near the MRT lift door becos I was the last to enter the lift, and this Auntie had to barge her way just to exit the lift first. Sigh.. I just stood aside and let her exit first lor. Haha I thought she was rushing for the train. But she just stood outside the lift looking at her surroundings. Haha.. I'm speechless..

I shall not be like this when I reach their Auntie-age :P

I'm like a fashion mishap today. Rushed out of the house and just randomly grabbed a little black cardigan that didn't match my dress. Lol. Dunno where my usual trusty black cardigan went. Must be hidden somewhere in my casual clothes. Haha and my shoes don't match either, cos my trusty plain black shoes is "taking a break from being overworked".

For some strange reason, I had a dream last night where we put Jon beside Pei Sze's Enya. My mom and Pei Sze's hubby then had a very strange conversation that went something like this:

PS Hubby took out a stack of Primary 3 assessment books and said his under-1yr-old Enya was doing them (madness).
PSH: I'm going to the pri sch meet-the-parents session to find out more (no idea what he was finding out)
My mom: Yah I think I should go and hear what they have to say for my grandson.
Me: Sat there staring at these 2 adults and then looked back at the 2 infants. *shudders* then turned to look at PS
PS: I think kids should play. I teach Enya through play.
In my mind: How do they play if Enya is doing Pri 3 assessment books?!

Hahahahahaha... What a strange dream. I don't wanna be a subconscious Tiger Mum :P

So angry with this man who was walking so slowly in front of me. So slow until I missed my train but he just managed to make it. Grrr...!

Cheeky boy

I attempted to kick start my daily devotional time by bringing an old copy of the Daily Bread in my bag to read on my commute to and from work (of course this can only happen when the train isn't too crowded and I have space to hold a little book).

Today is my first day reading and I feel so ashamed of myself - how can I not read God's Word or seek Him each day, yet utter prayers asking for God's protection over my family and for Jon to grow into a godly man?!

It made me realize how much I miss those moments of digging into scriptures over long periods of time when I was studying. Yes, it's very very challenging to do this at the same scale now that time is tight when juggling work and family time. But that shouldn't be an excuse right? Jesus didn't say He had no time for God even with His massive preaching and healing schedules while walking on earth. So how can I say this?

I suppose it's a matter of reviewing my daily schedule and working something out. For now it seems the daily commute is a very good time. Hope that I will press on my daily devotionals! :)

Feeling super recharged after a long holiday weekend of spending time with my family - be it my 2 boys, with my parents or in-laws. NICE!! Family time is nice, especially with cutie pie Jon around. Lol.

Oh! And not to mention the amazing date night with Dearie at USS! Haha galactica ride! Dearie still as gutsy but I've chicken out after being a mummy. Everything also scared. Lol.. Chickennnn...

Hee hee listening to music as I'm in the nursing room. Chillax before crazy workload starts whenever I'm at my desk. Heh..

Haiyah, my supply plunged down after I fell sick. Doesn't seem to increase no matter how much I rest or drink. Increase fenugreek intake also no effect :|

Hmmm... Shld I put Jon up for the Merries happy baby contest? Hee hee maybe can win the photography package to take nice family studio shots! *fiddle my thumbs together* let me think about it over this long weekend.. Teeheeehee...

The world is getting exponentially sinful ad degraded. My colleague told me that her church friend, a social worker, had to deal with more and more cases of primary school children with porn issues. One boy even asked his sister to perform the act on him and both kids ended up incest. Ahhhhh! So disturbing!

What's wrong with our world?! Shouldn't children be kept pure? Why are they exposed to such horrible material that pollute their minds? The Internet and media is not doing good, and ready access to electronic devices in our country is not helping.

While one could seek to install child-safe computer filters, these can only so that much. Parents, extended family members and caregivers play a more crucial role to inculcate values and set the right example for the child to follow.

I'm sooo worried for Jon. The world he would grow up and live in will be a horrifically different one from ours. Must really have him rooted in Christ and to have him exercise God-given wisdom to deal with these issues. We can only do so much to protect him from being exposed to such unhealthy influences, but there will be situations when he will be confronted with these situations himself and only God can help him.

I think we should seek to bring our kids back to basics. Don't need to over expose them to city life at a young age, cos there will be ample opportunities in future whether we like it or not. Time to go back to family picnics at parks, cycling trips, walks in the gardens or nature reserves etc..

Oh gawd, office is so cold and so is the train.. Can't believe I'm saying this while in my thick cardigan.. Bbbbrrrr...

Sent from my iPhone

Wow my office really has a lot of nursing moms. I'm queuing up in the nursing room at this hour :|

It was a very warm and fuzzy feeling last nite when Dearie and I were lying on the bed flipping thru photos of Jon over this past 7mths. And Jon was sleeping soundly in his cot beside us.

Amazing how much he has grown and changed in terms of his look. From a scrawny and flimsy-looking kid to our 'fat fat' today. Haha.. Really thank God for His divine protection over him and helping him grow strong and healthy. Other than the recent bout of fever, constipation, cough and flu, our little warrior is generally strong. He never had fever after the jabs like most other kids. He perspires more than Daddy and Mommy even with the fan turned on. He has his 'mini workout' during meal times too. Haha..

I'm glad we made a stand for me to stay in Sgp this Dec and not head out for a biz trip. It's precious times with kids that would never come back - ever. Looking at Wensi's comment on Rachel's FB (I.e. You look older in just a week, while she's holidaying in Milan) kinda signaled to me that I should be firm in letting my bosses know my preferences. :)

God grant me wisdom to handle my boss' queries, if any. I'm crossing fingers that she won't ask further..

Would have been happier if the biz trip was when I was single or married without kids.. Now say until like I cannot say 'no' even tho they said they can't force me if I cite personal reasons not to go. Do I sound v childish if I say I want to spend my first bday as a mom with my family? Sighhhh.... Why come tell me this piece of news when I'm so busy and tired today.

Gosh, Jon looks scary in this old photo which we sent to Dr Chua. Haha! Shld have sent sth when he was older. He looks like he's glaring at the camera. Lol..

Aaahhh this set of wall stickers are sooo cute! Okay I won't let my son stick stickers on the walls or cupboard, and I should set an example.. BUT this is way too cute! Besides, I'm trying to decorate his room eh! Hee hee..

The only thing holding me back is that this piece on sale has been sold out (see I have good taste and many parents want the same thing!)

Found this on an Instagram account called the couplesbucketlist. I did this with my Dearie! Hee hee! Check on this item of our bucket list. Whoo hoo! Absolutely love all the special moments with my Dearie.. :) :) even though we can physically relieve these moments, I just replay them in my mind all the time.. Hee hee..

I dozed off after nursing Jon at around 3am this morning and Jon fell from the bed when he tossed in his sleep :(:(

Thankfully Dear dashed to pick Jon up after we heard the loud thud. I just panicked and screamed unconscionably for a while. My heart was racing crazily and stuck in my throat. Was very very angry with myself for dozing off and putting our son through another fall.

What if he seriously hurt his head and brain?! Why was I so stupid to sleep?! How can a mother put their child through such things as a result of her dumbness!!

I took a while to go back to sleep this morning after I put Jon back into the cot. Couldn't stop blaming myself for allowing such accidents to happen. I kept praying and praying that there will not be any permanent injury to Jon, else I will never forgive myself for it.

I also felt very guilty cos I was previously angry when Jon first fell from my in-laws' bed. How can I be such a bad DIL to be angry with them when the same accident happened when Jon was in my care. I'm sure it's God's way of teaching me a lesson.

Really feel so horrid for not looking after Jon properly. What a lousy mother..

Saw a sweet looking lady who looks very well dressed - until you see her wearing track shoes *facepalm*

Everyday I'm shuffling...!

Wouldn't go to my office nursing room just before lunchtime if I had a choice. It's always packed :(

Oh no.. I'm super late for work today.. Couldn't squeeze up the train and ended up missing a total of 3 trains :|

Looking at the messy world we live in, I can appreciate why my parents were strict with 3 of us at home :) thank God!

Yay! My iPhone bus app is working after being down for so long! I can finally tell when is my next bus coming.. :)

Special father and son moment. Caught them holding one another's hands while sleeping last nite. *touched*

Do people really bite one another? I'm standing beside 2 girls on the train and I can't help but overhear their conversation about how they bit their siblings when they were younger.

I don't recall being so sadistic with my siblings.. What's wrong with people nowadays??

Sounds so superficial and 不要脸, but I'm very happy when colleagues comment that Jon is very cute. Hee...

Haha our dearest boy plonked himself on our bed. Flat out..

Miss my baby! :) hee hee.. Now older and strong enough to hold the sides of the tub. Miss you 肥肥!

So precious to be able to watch a child grow up..

This little kid seriously has too many clothes..

Had a fright of my life just now when pork chop suddenly woke up from his sleep, turned around and wanted to grab me while my back was facing him to take the water bottle. I screamed until Jon cried. Haha and tho both Pprk Chop and Jon have gone back to sleep, my heart is still racing from the fright and I can't sleep. The house is usually dark and utterly quiet by 10pm and I'm the only one moving about, e.g. go kitchen and drink water. Didnt expect anyone else to be awake cos I'm often the only one awake. Shucks, my heart still racing and I feel the suppressed scream still stuck in my chest. Sounds weird but yah. Like something stuck in my chest.

It's been a week since the whole family was down with a potent flu bug. Casualties included Pete, Jon, FIL and Orchid. Only MIL and myself left standing; both very afraid to succumb to the bug.

It was also the first time we had to take care of a sick baby. Wow, so tough man. Not only is it scary cos babies are vulnerable, it's physically tiring as they can't sleep well all day. And we end up waking together with him repeatedly at night even after a day at work. That's also why Pete fell ill (though he keeps saying he welcomed it as it gave much needed rest).

It's sad to see a child fall sick and not be able to fully cure or control the spread of germs. They are also too young to accurately communicate how they feel so that you can tell the doctor a complete picture, hopefully for an accurate diagnosis.

But I thank God for answering my prayers to heal everyone in the family, and keeping the remaining ones healthy.

Haha kiasee me bought two bottles of high dose Vitamin C to consume in office everyday to keep myself strong. :)

Found a nice and cuter way of replying to colleagues who ask where I'm headed to with Ai Tin's trusty pump bag - "I'm going to do my motherly duty" and say that with a big smile as opposed to "I'm going to nursing room" which sounds so boring.. Haha!

Some people just have unrealistic expectations. Sitting in their seats for too long and too distanced from reality.

One of those mad rush days. Why must it be when I'm on half day.. So rush until my heart still feels like it's stuck in my throat as I try to slow down while traveling home on the train. Breathe....

Sigh. Just as I was complaining over lunch on how many projects I'm on, one out of four has been revived. And there's so much to do in this small project group of only two persons. :(

Wow! The train is empty!!! There's so much space for everyone! Yeahhhhh... Can it be like this everyday? Public transport would be so much more enjoyable :) :) :)

Not even 2 hours and I'm missing my Pork Chop and 肥仔..

Never a good idea to put mothballs in your wardrobe - the person beside me on the train smells like a walking mothball, and I have nowhere else to turn to and save my olfactory tracts..

SP, please resume school so that I can board the train. I miss easily 5 trains again today..

Mummyhood makes one a highly efficient and fast worker. Haha..

Unlike others who may choose to do their work slowly and clock OT, mummies wanna quickly finish work and go home to their families. Hence they work ultra fast; finding most efficient means of working. Our brains move at a frenetic pace; often moving a few steps ahead to plan out our work steps and try to pre-empt undue surprises. The need to be fast is ever more crucial as we double hat as 'cows'. Haha! So must allocate time to head to our 'farm's production line'. Muahaha..

Mummies also walk and eat fast. Chop chop go! Hahahah.. So fast until I find myself snapping my fingers as I walk and think about matters. Lol.. I probably look like an idiot to strangers. Heh.. But what the heck, I need to do my things and go home on time.

Spend time with my hubby and play with my baby! YEAH!!!! :D

Stupid me somehow kept looking down while I was in nursing room this morning and now my neck aches. Like what Pork Chop would sing to the South Park tune - dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb!

It's funny how I have no cravings when I'm preggie, but I have cravings now that I'm not.. Haha!

Sent from my iPhone

If anyone works in SMRT or LTA, they better not let ppl around them know. Not a good idea at all..

Sent from my iPhone

Wow, it's a whole lot of difference when Poly school term ends cos I've not been able to board the last 5 trains at Dover. Hope I can get up next one. Heng no mtg or teleconference this morning :)

Sent from my iPhone

Thank God for answering my prayers for the milk to cone fast cos I had been struggling with Jon for past 10mins.

Don't know why some mummies are so blessed with an over-abundance of milk. They don't need to fret over how much they would get each time they express, feel the guilt that baby's got to have formula supplement, then fight internal struggles to psycho themselves that it's ok and keep up the positive spirit else supply dips further.

I try not to think abt it each day. Avoid looking at the freezer compartment so that I won't be reminded of how little my "factory" has produced. And I just hope that Jon would be patient with me when nursing so that I don't feel bad that I'm not satisfying him at first instant. I keep fighting my own "monster" that tells me to just take the easy way out and give formula. I tell myself to press on cos this is best for Jon - God has created nature as such so it's good for Jon to be breastfed.

I just wonder why does God make breastfeeding such a trying journey for some. To learn to depend on God? Yes, I prayed a million times about increasing milk supply. An example of my daily prayer while having breakfast is "God thank You for providing us with the means to have a breakfast each day. Help my body to absorb all the nutrients so that Jon may be nourished. Help me to keep up with Jon's increasing appetite. If You may, increase my supply so that I can store some for Jon over and above what he consumes. Lord, You know my desires to totally breastfeed Jon without supplement - it is still my daily prayer that You can help my body achieve that. Amen."

Hmm God's answer is clearly not an instant 'Yes'. Maybe it's a 'Wait' or even a 'No'. I dunno. Meanwhile I just take each day as it comes and hope that we don't have to encounter a very angry and loud Jon when he's hungry.

Sent from my iPhone

Gosh, there doesn't seem to be any ventilation on the train. Air is stale and everyone is perspiring. Smelly and crowded. Lol.. Things we put up with as Singaporeans..

Sent from my iPhone

Bumped into fellow nursing colleague and she asked how many times I went nursing room. She gasped when I said 3. "So many times?!" Told her so many times also not enough and Jon has 1 FM feed once BM finishes. She also supplements cos no time to express so many times at work. Thankfully her boy is now 6mths so she wants to start him on solids so that she's not so stressed up with insufficient BM.

Sent from my iPhone

Heh, we tried video conferencing with Yan and my parents last nite together with Jon. Second night in a row. First night with Yan and Ate.

Quite fun cos Jon stares at the laptop screen. He can hear and is probably looking at the screen since it's a sound source. But I'm not sure if he understands that the flashing images on the screen are his grandparents and uncle.. Anyway, still quite fun! More interactive than mere phone call. :)

Sent from my iPhone

Our cutie pie

Hee hee hee, I'm never sick of looking at this photo of my 2 special boys. :) keep breaking into a silly smile when I see this photo. Awww... Miss u two!

Haha Jon and I did a short video chat with Yan over msn today! Quite fun! Too bad laptop processor is old so a little slow

Sent from my iPhone

Absolutely feel like a cow in a milk production line today.

Went to nursing room and found all 3 cubicles occupied with machine sounds in the background. Since everyone typically takes a while with each "milking session", I decided to try the gym changing room in office.

Haha, just when I was all prepared for my "milking session" in the gym changing room, the light went off cos the light sensor in the room was in a position that could not detect my presence no matter how much I waved my arms. Grrr... Then again, thank goodness it happened early else I would be stuck in the middle of my session in the dark. Haha!

So now I'm back at the "factory", joining 2 other mummies in our respective production lines. Lol. Oh, one other "cow" left so I could use the room.

Mooooooooo.....

Sent from my iPhone

Argh, the train has to be so crazily packed when I'm rushing home. Packed until I walked back to office area to wait for bus home. Then it's another long wait for this bus. Grrr...

Sent from my iPhone

宝贝, daddy n mommy going to knock off work and play with you soon! :) :)

Haha Yi En, I almost forgot I have a blog. So here's a very very recent photo of Jon that we took this morning! Haha, must be a nice n funny dream that God gave him. So nice that he woke up shortly and was very cheerful.

Babies are such angelic creatures in the morning. Then they show their 'Dracula' side when they wake up in the middle of the nite to 'suck' all your energy. Lol..

Surprise surprise! MacDonalds Hello Kitty craze is back after 12 years. CBD Macs has never been so crowded until they have to close off the drive through and put additional seats.. Talk about alfresco dining in CBD! Haha!

Sent from my iPhone

I miss my baby!!

Today is the first real working day that I experience what it's like to fit expressing time into work time. Quite disruptive in terms of work but I hope to persevere for as long as I can becos it's for Jon's gd! :):) Probably a change in how I manage work (e.g. lunch in more to squeeze time for work and expressing). 加油!!

Sent from my iPhone

Sitting in a nursing room and I can hear another "cow" also expressing away.. We are machines..

Sent from my iPhone

Haha dunno to laugh or what when MIL realized Jon will not sleep before 9pm regardless of how she carry or rock, and she said "如果一丢就睡很好hor?" haha too late.. The pattern has been established and Jon will expect to be carried or rocked to sleep in the day. Unless everyone makes another deliberate effort to undo this, poor caregivers in the day might have to keep carrying him to sleep :P

Sent from my iPhone

Sigh my boobies seem to be erratic and not producing milk fast enough for Jon. I even deliberately took a nap when Jon napped this afternoon, hoping to wake up with fuller boobies like how it is during a 3hr interval. Hmm, but its just the same boobies. Think they are going on strike.

So at 4pm, we ended up giving him some of the frozen milk which was stored previously, while I pumped a miserable 40ml out to add on to this morning's 40ml. Gonna experiment later again by pumping and giving Jon another bottle of milk stored previously. Let's see if my body is fast enough to produce sufficient volume during this 2hr interval.

Really hoping to continue BF for as long as possible, but it all depends on boobies. Give me engorged boobies!!

Sent from my iPhone

Father & son moment - training to play soccer together in future..

Haha it's getting weirder and weirder. Everyone is moving about and staring at me as if I'm a weirdo today. Haha.. MIL has been walking around carrying Jon in an awkward angle, hoping to make him sleep. And I keep replaying in my mind whether to help her but I know she would say she's fine and arm doesn't hurt.

I shall continue to stake it out and see if my attempt leads to something. :)

Sent from my iPhone

It feels strange that I'm standing in the living room alone with the TV on, hoping to create an environment for the family to spend time together in the living room to watch some TV. But grandparents are stoning in their room with Jon on their bed, maid in her room folding clothes (I think she wants to watch but don't dare too cos I'm the only one in the living room), and hubby's out working hard with a driving job. Haha! Silly as it seems, I shall try to stick it out in the living room to "gather" the family. Seems strange that everyone retreats into their own rooms after dinner and don't chat about their day's activities.

Sent from my iPhone

Think I will miss Jon a lot when I return to work. I'm sitting here at EASE's room waiting for data to transfer and I'm scrolling pictures of Jon on my phone. Guess I will miss staring at him, especially when I'm less busy at work and my mind can wander.

Hee hee, shall make hubby pose with Jon for a nice photo so that I can set it as iPhone wallpaper and look at both of them when I'm at work. *grins*

Can't wait to enjoy this very long weekend with my lovely boys!!! *hugs and kisses*

Sent from my iPhone

Not taking public transport for the past 4mths has caused me to forget how horrible our nation's public transport system is during peak hours..

Sent from my iPhone

Our big TV addict. I hope it isn't a big problem when he goes school in future

Wonder why is my milk supply so erratic. Yesterday was dry as the desert and today I'm feeling full just 2hours after feeding Jon. Can't I just be feeling full most of the time? Haha better to be in a position with excess milk!

Sent from my iPhone

Realized how atas some of my office people are when we chatted over lunch. My team leader (soon to become ex-team leader), said he thought of renting the inflatable slides for his youngest daughter's 2nd bday celebration on 18 May. So my incoming team leader said it was $300 based on her last check for her son's bday celebration. Wah! I don't even want to think about spending so much for my son's bday celebration. In my mind, a cosy dinner n cake within the immediate family (and maybe plus grandparents) would suffice. Don't need to invite friends or hold a big party.

Sent from my iPhone

Hmm I can't seem to load a particular blogshop's page fully despite trying a couple of times. Maybe it's a sign.. :(

Sent from my iPhone

Hmm thought of going for a jog this evening but I don't think I can stand the heat. I'm already perspiring buckets just sitting at home. Don't think I can go any longer without a shower. Argh, so warm and humid!!

Sent from my iPhone

Jon can lift his head up high while placed on his belly!!

Dearie discovered that Jon could do this after he positioned Jon's arms properly so that he could support himself. The boy was so cute! He smiled when we praised him for lifting his head up. Such a cheerful boy doing his mini push ups. Haha!

Now is the time when babies start to show even more physical development very quickly by the weeks. They start to attempt to flip, grasp things or even swipe at them.

Too bad I'm also nearing the end of my maternity leave and it's back to work. And I'll miss out on witnessing all these 'firsts' at the very special moment. But no choice cos we need the income to raise a family. Besides, Jon is being cared for by family members as opposed to an outsider like a maid, so we can have peace of mind that he is in proper hands.

Yucks! So many flies and mosquitoes at the Orchard bus stop!! I've been bitten at many places during my short wait for the bus. Grrr...

Sent from my iPhone

Taking the train after so long. And with all the frequent train faults, I'm hoping I'll get to my destination smoothly. Weather's already "finding fault" with my going out, so I hope the transport system doesn't make it worse..

Sent from my iPhone

Sometimes we complain about the maid going to the bathroom every hour. Well, maybe she really has weak bowels. But more often than not, I suspect it's just to retreat into a personal space. Mom also mentioned Ate was like this in the beginning.

Personal space is limited where we are now because there are 3 adults walking about the house everyday. I often retreat into the room to give everyone their personal space, hoping that I am able to bring Jon in with me for a one-on-one playtime. But I guess the first grandchild is like a super power magnet that attracts everyone. So one-on-one playtime and personal space are really rare treats. Hence I can totally emphatize with the maid, who is in a worst off state because she can't always retreat into her room when she has nothing to do since her room is also the diaper room, and all eyes are on her as to what she is doing at home. The bathroom is the best personal retreat sanctuary ever.

Since personal space is a treasured commodity (haha or at least to me), I tend to back off during the day and let everyone have their time with our super power magnet even though I really want to play with him. When he cries, everyone rushes to his side and I, as a mommy, just have to stand aside and let the rest care for him since they will be his main caregiver when I return to work. It looks and feels weird that a mommy is just standing aside to watch. Machiam I'm an irresponsible mommy that relies on others to care for the baby. It's not that I don't know how to look after Jon or that I'm lazy, but it's a deliberate attempt to bridge him to getting used to the main caregivers.

I'm still telling my brain that this is ok and let it be, though every single hour I struggle with it. Thoughts such as "oh dear, I heard my MIL say she was tired after pushing Jon on the pram with me last nite. Jon is getting heavier and her arms are tired. Yet how do I help her without offending her? She will always want to carry Jon even when I offer to help ease her load. Her shoulders and arms have been stretched and we need her to rest for the longer 'marathon'. How can I just stand there and watch her carry Jon?" And I don't want to appear like I'm "fighting" for the grandchild or depriving them of time with the boy. So I just retreat back into the room and find something to occupy myself with.

Hmm, I can hear Jon having his bath at the background. How I miss the daily morning bathtimes where I can sing to him and watch him smile back...

Jon flipped today!! Didn't manage to take a picture cos I didn't expect him to flip. Heh.. I was just observing him, thinking he wouldn't be able to flip successfully. Then tada! Flip.. Okay, his hands were a little stuck after the flip so I had to help position him comfortably.

Was telling MIL not to worry when Jon turns on the bed with his head arched back cos that was what I saw when Jon tried to flip. Also mentioned that sometimes can just help him lie on his belly to practice lifting his head. So I demo what we do in our room at night, and to my amazement, Jon held his head up high fora long time! Wheee!! Again, too slow to take picture cos MIL worried Jon's head to heavy for him to lift for a long time. So I had to flip him back. Well, at least he demo that he can do it! :) time to let him lie on belly occasionally..

Sent from my iPhone

How can a person so small perspire so much? It's like every feeding session is a great sweat workout.

Sometimes I can't wait for Jon to turn 1 so that we can bring him for a short getaway nearby, say Cameron Highlands, Malacca, Krabi, Bandung etc. Hee hee..

Sent from my iPhone

Our son really has an amazing ability to perspire. It was just about 5mins into his feeding session and he perspired enough for me to "style" his hair into a slick back style..! End up having to turn the fan on again. Champion!

Sent from my iPhone

Comic moment of the day - Our room was dim tonite cos I switched to night light as part of Jon's bed time routine. Maid came to pass me a piece of clothing and I had a shock looking at her. Besides her usual yellow 'camo' looking cream that she puts on her cheeks and forehead, her eye brows were suddenly very very black and long! It's as if I saw Ru Hua from Stephen Chow's movies. Hope my face didn't give away my shock. Not sure if all these are some cosmetic routine from her country or something she's doing in prep for her New Year celebration. Never seen such things before and it was a shock. Not that I'm racist but I've really not seen such things before.

Sent from my iPhone

Feels weird to be hearing Jon cry at the background, finding it hard to sleep with MIL carrying instead of suckling to sleep. Yet I can't go help becos we are training Jon to get used to me not being around. MIL wanted to pump Jon with milk but I told her need to start building up EBM bank for 18 May, else there won't be any available then. Shouldn't always just pump milk to drug him to sleep but train him to sleep on his own. Also told MIL that I mat start going out once every week to condition Jon that I may not always be around.

That's my logical brain reminding me what needs to be done. The emotional me then feels guilty cos I'm just leaving a crying baby with MIL. Reminded MIL to let me know if her body cannot take it so that I can take over and let her body rest. Feels a little strange at the beginning that I'm conditioning my child not to be with me.

Meanwhile I guess it's about tolerating Jon's fussing and crying during this adjustment period.

Anyway Jon seems to have finally slept after fussing and crying. Thank goodness I insisted not giving him milk and going with my gut that it wasn't a "I want milk cry". Also mentioned briefly to MIL that Jon may keep crying this period and it's not a hungry cry. Hope that it was casual enough and didn't come across as a "lecture".

Sent from my iPhone

Try something different - listen to happening music using ear phones while nursing Jon. Haha in that way, I can listen to stuff without disturbing Jon. Heh..

Sent from my iPhone

This afternoon is a nightmare. Gave Jon 120ml to test how long he can last. But experiment completely failed cos he still needed to suckle to sleep. Only maid and me at home, so when I carried Jon, he would cry with his tongue at the roof of his mouth indicating he wanted to suckle. I think if it was someone else carrying him, he would have just slept. Anyway, so I ended up letting him suckle cos he refused all other means like pacifier, rocking, swinging on the bed.

He dozed off within 5mins of suckling. Then I unlatched him and saw that he didn't stir before I went on to express in the other room. Sigh. I haven't even hit 10ml and he cried. Had to hurriedly stop everything and go carry him.

Again he refused everything. So I thought maybe let him suckle again. But he kept unlatching himself. Hmm this seems to be how he is when he wanted to be burped a couple of nights back. Okay, so I carried him up to burp. With the diaper cloth still on the bed to act as a protector for our bed, I lifted him up to begin burping. And to my horror, our little rascal burped and pooped at the instant when I lifted him. The poop somehow leaked from his diaper onto all of my shorts and shirt, and also onto both the diaper cover and bits of our bed! Aaahhhhhh!!!!

Of course have to quickly clean everyone up and get maid to change bed sheets. So scramble and call for help to change bed sheets while I settle Jon and myself.

The other room was like a war zone. Milk expressing machine with the 2 bottles still on the table, I had to put a baby that is full of poop on his diaper table and scramble for new diapers and diaper cover. Then ran into my own room to get my clothes cos I couldn't change him if I was soo soiled. Okay, so change the adult and used baby wipe to clean away all the poop that seeped through my clothes onto my body. Thereafter clean the dirty baby backside. Threw my adult clothes on the floor and baby clothes in the baby laundry basket so that I had space to wipe the dirty backside. Ah ha, then our curious little Bacon came to smell all the dirty items, including the waste paper basket. I think I was a basket case, cos here I am cleaning dirty backside and shouting at Bacon to move away and not eat things in the waste paper basket. My hairband all lose and hair hanging in drips and drabs around my face. I looked and felt like a nut case.

Okay, so when everyone was clean, I had to help maid take our bed sheets cos it was in MIL's cupboard which she cannot anyhow open. Did that and went back to Jon, hoping to coax him back to sleep.

Again all failed and he was smiling at me, as if laughing at the adults scrambling after him. *faints* dunno to laugh or be angry with him. Cannot sleep right, so let me get back to my unfinished 'express' business. AGAIN, haven't really finish pumping and he's crying the whole roof down for someone to carry him and nurse him back to sleep. Aaahhh!

Don't care. Let him cry a bit more while I keep the bottle of milk in freezer. The house was really like a war zone with the background of 'baby-cry-type gunshots', and maid in toilet frantically trying to wash off poop on bed sheet, adult clothes and baby clothes..

As I'm blogging this, Jon is happily suckling himself to sleep while I'm catching my breath and trying to regain composure after the afternoon "battle".

Hmm I hope I have time for a quick toilet break. Don't dare to bathe until grandparents are back to help sooth the "cry warrior"..

Sent from my iPhone

Haha this looks so girlie. But I'm quite bored while nursing him so I just did a random photo on the phone..

Aiyoh I've been nursing Jon using the lying down position since 1pm. While I think he did drink some milk, I'm not sure if it was enough cos I can hear his stomach growling. Yet our dear boy is so tired that he's sleeping despite a growling stomach. He didn't really go into deep sleep just now and was woken up by various noises such as the helicopter. Had to nurse him again to coax him to sleep at 3pm. Hopefully he is more well rested. Shall change his diapers and feed him again when he wakes up later.

Ahhh Bacon woke Jon up just when I put Jon on the bed to sleep.. Why must he bark at the maid when she's asking me about lunch arrangements. Alamak, no time to coax Jon back to sleep cos I'm having stomache. Just let Jon lie on the bed first..

Sent from my iPhone

Heavenly Father, thank you for watching over Jonathan and blessing us wonderfully over these past 3 mths. Thank you that Jon is a strong and healthy baby. We continue to pray that You help him grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. May he be a godly person; one whom You would be pleased with and one who is after Your heart. Even though he is only 3 mth old today, Father I pray for his future family. We entrust all things unto Your hands. Grant him a godly wife that is exemplified in Proverbs 31, and mould him to be the godly husband and father that You want him to be. For Pete and myself, grant us Your wisdom to nurture Jon according to Your ways. Where we sin Lord, may we repent and teach us the right way. Help us to model ourselves after You so that we also set good examples for Jon (and our future kid). Father, we don't just look to You for the past 3 mths but depend on You everyday of our lives. Thank You for Your bountiful blessings even though we do not deserve them. Amen!

Sent from my iPhone

Alamak.. I went to the loo with constipation and had to cut short 'my time' cos the boy was wailing for milk and refused to be consoled by his grandparents..

Sent from my iPhone

Yikes, I have a sudden urge to poop but Jon is still nursing. Ahhhh.... I'm trying hard to "swallow" up the "cake" becos I can't stop Jon from drinking.. Besides, breaking the momentum now means taking a much longer time to coax him to have his post-bathtime nap. Tahan tahan!!

Sent from my iPhone

Dunno to laugh or be angry with Jon. He cried cos couldn't sleep soundly at 2pm. So we thought of bathing him since we didn't do so this morning due to the rain. But Jon kept drifting back to sleep. So end up not bathing him and MIL carrying Jon to sleep. Though it's disruptive in a way cos we still haven't bathed the sweaty boy, he JS actually right on schedule for his weekday routine - I.e. take a second nap at around 2pm. Haha! Hmm so I should be happy that he switches back to his own routine right? Lol..

Sent from my iPhone

Hmm I think 4mths is the max I can go without working. Sometimes super bored at home, other times very fun playing and looking after Jon. I guess being a full time homemaker won't be so boring cos there would be household chores and cooking to do since there's no help. Now that there's so much help at home, we can see that everyone is finding something to do to occupy themselves. Haha and most of the time, everyone's trying to help look after Jon to occupy time. Haha! Which is good in a sense cos there will be people talking to Jon and stimulating him.

So it's back to enjoying the quiet moments when Jon is sleeping and I can watch TV properly. Tsk tsk.. Hee hee..

Sent from my iPhone

Went to office this afternoon to repair my laptop. Also my first so called attempt at leaving home for 'work' and leaving Jon at home. Didn't really keep thinking of Jon when I was in office becos caught up with trying to find out what went wrong with my laptop and understanding the follow-up actions to be taken. But I couldn't help but think of Jon and Dearie once I left office. Hee hee.. Also thought of them when my boobies felt like they had to be pumped. Muahaha! Sounds damn gross but I can't control how my brain associates these things with family! :P

I wonder how will I 'survive' work come 18 May.. I think I'll call home (like I did just now) to check on Jon. Probably only temporarily 'forget' about him if it's really busy at work. Lol..

On the bus home to the little boy who has been good to Granny by sleeping for an hour after milk! :) :) :) then to welcome dearie when he returns from work this evening!

Sent from my iPhone

I've forgotten how slow computers used to be until I turned on the spare PC at home (which I'm currently using for this blog entry). It's really testing my patience having to wait and wait for everything to load at snail's pace.. the outcome of our fast paced society where telcos are now promoting fibre optic broadband services. Well, at least using the big PC eases the strain on my eyes since office laptop is spoilt. Slow but boh pian..

Somehow time passes quite slowly everyday between lunchtime and 4pm. Everything at home is SLOW and QUIET... I also feel bad cooping myself in the room to watch TV, so I make my 'rounds' by going to the kitchen to fill up my bottle (yes, I've been doing water parade everyday just to increase milk supply. Never drank so much water in my life ever. Haha!)

Anyway, I decided to give myself a break and arrange for the long-awaited facial appointment for next week. Do something different during the week. Haha! Hopefully I can pump enough EBM to store so that Jon can drink while I'm away. I'm also planning to be diligent and bring the pump out with me cos facials tend to be long and I might have to express once I'm done with facial. Haha, I've planned ahead and even surfed the net to check if Somerset 313 has nursing rooms for pumping - there's only one and doesn't seem to have gd reviews. Well, I'll go Somerset if it's available, else it's back to my favourite ones at ION Orchard (so spacious and has everything)

Hmm, lemme see which websites I should visit during this window period before Jon wakes up.. Tata!

Check out Jon's long lashes! Pretty!!

An excerpt from a very good book a friend bought for me.. Totally agree with what the author wrote!

Clothe Jonathan with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

-Colossians 3:12-

I must blog this - I just saw Jon's shocked look when he saw my hair up close. Haha it's as if he hasn't seen my long hair before. So cute!

Sent from my iPhone

Oh no, our boy has not slept for the whole day! He's having so much difficulty falling into deep sleep. I hope God answers my prayers and let him sleep soon and that he will sleep soundly..

Sent from my iPhone

Such a noisy afternoon.. Renovation, cutting of grass, falling trees etc.. Poor Jon has not been able to sleep and so cranky. Might just let him sleep on my chest for a longer time..

Sent from my iPhone

Looking back at the past months (from pregnancy to delivery, and now looking after Jon for 9 weeks), I realise how important it is to have a close walk with Christ. There's nothing humans can do about life. No matter how intelligent or well-informed we may be, there is a huge limitation to our abilities. But not with God.

How did Jonathan come to being? It's not by our actions, but God allowing it to happen. It never fails to amaze me as I wonder how did a single cell transform into a life form that can smile, cry and interact with us. Isn't God amazing?

While it can be stressful at times trying to decipher Jon's cries and meet his needs, I think the journey thus far has made me grow. The maternity leave has provided windows of opportunities to go back to Scripture, prayer and listening to God. From praying for little thing such as "God help Jon to sleep within the next 15mins so that we can all sleep", to slightly bigger things like "God please increase my milk supply to meet Jon's growing needs", to even bigger things like "God, watch over Jon's physical, mental, spiritual and intellectual development. Help him to be a happy person, who loves God and the people around him."

I don't really expect Jon to completely look after Pork Chop and I when we grow old because the world will be a different place, and life will get more challenging for the next generation. I just pray that we can be self-sufficient elderly, surrounded by a warm and loving family, and that our children will be God-fearing and righteous. But before we even get there, my prayer is that God grants such much wisdom, strength and patience to nurture this "gift of God" (i.e. Jon) in His ways. We will be dutiful in planting and entrust the 'growing' in God's hands.

1 Corinthians 3:6-7

Fill us with the knowledge of Your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that we may live a life worthy of You and may please You in every way; bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of you, Lord. (Colossians 1:9-10)

Sent from my iPhone

Yeah! God is amazing and answering my prayers almost immediately! I've seen the first few drops of let-down thar I've not seen for the last couple of feeds! Whoohoo!!!

Sent from my iPhone

It's a little frightening and nerve wrecking to wake up one day and find your milk supply dwindle to almost a zilch. It's tough to persist latching with a squirming baby that is getting more impatient with the slow and low milk flow. I pray that God restores my milk supply as I really want to BF Jon for as long as I can. I'll do and eat anything to have a strong and established milk supply. And I'm also staying positive that in due course, my milk flow would be re-established :) So for now, it's persistence and trust that God will make it happen. Amen!

Sent from my iPhone

Gosh our son is so awake. He's up at 8am and I don't have a chance to catch up on my sleep after waking up since 2 plus this morning. Pork chop also didn't sleep well becos Jon was noisy. Hope Jon wld sleep well tonite so that both of us can rest better..

Sent from my iPhone

Airing his hands cos they kind of stink. Might be due to keeping his hands in the mitten all day. Can let him be without mittens while feeding since I can readily stop him from scratching himself.

Yay, experiment #2 worked yesterday and Jon slept for almost 2 hours. I'm hoping he'll sleep longer this afternoon. Rainy weather so it's nice and cosy for him to be tucked under his blanket in the cot. Naptime clock started counting at 2pm.. :)

Experiment #1 failed - only had less than 5mins of sleep. Jon woke himself up again.

Experiment #2 - Mommy nurse Jon. It's usually a sure fire way but mommy cannot unlatch Jon..

Sent from my iPhone

Tried a different pacifier to see if it helps him sleep. Experiment #1 - Tollyjoy stage 1 pacifier.

Keeping my fingers crossed..

Alamak, Jon seems to like to nurse to sleep. He doesn't sleep using other means. I'm trying to 'wean' him a bit so that he can sleep on his own so that MIL won't have problems looking after him when I return to work. So it's like cold turkey and don't let him nurse to sleep. Here I am feeling guilty in the room while MIL is walking around the house with Jon in her arms, trying to make him sleep. Dilemma as to whether to help her or just condition Jon to get used to me not being around all the time. What should I do.. Alamak, he keeps crying..

Sent from my iPhone

Had a girls night out yesterday to celebrate Pkg's birthday. As always, nice catching up with the girls :)

But was so sad when I came home to find Jon crying so terribly and unable to sleep. He didn't sleep well in the daytime and things didn't seem to improve in the night. Everyone tried all means to soothe him and I kept feeding him thinking he is hungry. Poor boy still kept crying until he was tired and knocked out at 2am. :(

Heart pain to see him wail while we look on helplessly after exhausting all means to soothe him. Was also trying to keep the noise out so that Pork Chop could sleep. Then I also got upset at myself towards 1am or so cos he kept feeding, sleeping at my chest, spit up and cry for me to nurse him. And we would repeat this cycle many times. Very terrible night.

I hope Jon would feel better today. Am nursing him now and he's falling asleep on my chest again. Sigh.. In a dilemma when to bathe him when he's less cranky...

Sent from my iPhone

Just when I said Jon is finally asleep, Bacon has to bark non-stop until Jon screams awake. Sigh. Why can't Bacon stop barking after I tell him to stop??

Thinking about Bacon and Jon.. I'm having serious second thoughts about bringing Bacon over to our new place because it is likely a time when Jon is learning how to crawl and walk. Hence Jon will often be on the floor, or have his hands touch the floor. It'll be problematic because Bacon's fur and saliva will be all over the floor as well.

It wouldn't be as big a headache if Bacon can be locked up for long periods in his own space like Mudpie, because we can then "segregate" Bacon and Jon so that Jon can crawl/walk around and practice his motor skills at home. I'm not very keen to 'lock' Jon up in his own room so that he can crawl/walk because he needs to be accustomed to and learn his boundaries in the house (e.g. cannot touch certain things, run into kitchen without watching out for any hot soup).

Sigh.. Not sure if it's also feasible to leave Bacon at the current place while we move to the new house.

All these thoughts about Bacon is not because I don't like him, but it's a real concern. Besides, there has been cases of babies having pet fur in their mouths at that age because they tend to either put things into their mouths or put their own hands into their mouths; inevitably swallowing some pet fur which subsequently cause health problems.

Sent from my iPhone

Wow, I finally managed to log into blogger using the website and not post via iPhone. Haha had some free time to change the blogskin cos l'ill Jon's asleep.

Funny how I can't seem to coax Jon to sleep but my MIL can. The only way I can coax him to sleep is to let him suckle his way to lalaland. Hmm, probably it is how Jon associates me with suckling to sleep or feeding.

Our lives linked to one another for life

I'm sitting at a corner of my bed peeking at Jonathan toss around in his bed. Don't wanna go near as he will cry for attention once he sees me. I'm perfectly fine with him just making small noises in his cot. Only pick him up later when he gets more angry and change his diapers at the same time. :)

Sent from my iPhone

Our little darling is so cute when he sleeps. Fat cheeks too!

Million dollar question: why is it difficult for babies to sleep on their own?

I've been coaxing Jon for the past 3hours with all methods I know. Let him suckle, rock and sing to him, give him a pacifier, drain his energy by letting him "talk" to me. Nothing works. He would sleep on my chest after suckling and wake up from his nightmare almost immediately after putting him in the cot. I've also tahan and let him suckle for past 2 plus hours until I'm hurting now. Acks. Give up and let MIL carry him after I went to kitchen trying to wash the pacifier while holding a crying baby. Hopefully Jon doesn't 'smell' me since it's MIL carrying him and he would sleep soon. Jon's tired but can't seem to fall into deep sleep. I hope things would improve soon cos it's already past midnight; way past normal bedtime for babies. God help us :)

Sent from my iPhone

Record amount of milk I've pumped in less than 10mins: a total of 70ml! Woohoo! Thank God for answered prayers!! :) :) :)

Sent from my iPhone

Feel so shitty as a mother. Baby keep crying and we can't seem to soothe him. And I feel like it's always my fault that baby is crying hysterically. How much milk is enough? I don't know. Why baby refuses to drink and thereafter cry for milk like I deprived him of a feed? I also don't know. I just sustain myself by praying everyday that hopefully today will be better and that I can have things under control and not have baby cry and frighten everyone, especially the old folks. I wonder if I will regret to say this but I do at times wish that baby is at a age that can talk and express his needs. Then I know how to soothe and help him develop. Anyhow I just feel damn shitty about myself and I think blogging is the seemingly only way of letting it out. I don't dare cry to let it out so that everyone around me need not worry or get irritated with me. Back to my office life slogan when it gets tough - suck it up..

Sent from my iPhone

Compare my tiny little feet against mommy's palm!

Ahh I can't stop playing with Jonathan's feet! They are so small n cute!! :D

Sent from my iPhone

I'm so biased but our son is so cute, especially when he's sound asleep!! :D

Sent from my iPhone

Dear Lord, pls help Jonathan to sleep soundly everyday and not to be awoken in shock or cry in the middle of his sleep. Grant him good rest so that he can grow healthily and be a happy baby. This we pray daily in Jesus' name, Amen.

Sent from my iPhone

So frustrating! Why does he keep crying for comfort? I've tried all e 'soft methods' so using the 'hard method' now and ignore his crying lest he uses that to demand his way in future. So I closed the door not to disturb my in-laws but well they heard the cries. They came to the room and I didn't open the door else it spoils the intention of training Jonathan that he cannot demand things with his cries. I think my in-laws thought I was I'll-treating the grandson. Opened the door after 10mins to sterilize the pacifier and explain that we cannot always respond to each cry or carry him immediately becos this is not sustainable in the long run, especially if I'm back at work and the 'human pacifier' is not around. Well, the 'hard method' finally worked and Jonathan is wide awake but lying on his bed quietly. I'm just waiting for him to slp..

Sent from my iPhone

So proud of my Pork Chop for being a wonderful coach to me when I'm having the blues, and also for being an amazing Dad to our little one. From swaddling, cradling, bathing to feeding little Jon, Pork Chop can do it all :) so thankful that my hubby is way better than most others.

The past week has been full of surprises. From adjusting to new responsibilities as a parent, to breastfeeding woes, sleepless nights, to the joys of witnessing how amazing God's creation is (I.e. our son Jonathan).

Even though he can drive us nuts with his endless cries and screams, these can be forgotten as easily as when his mouth twitches into a smile or when he shows us his 'milk-drugged look' after a feed.

I guess it is a matter of getting into the groove and continuous learning of Jon's needs/wants, cries for help vs cries for attention before we will find even more satisfaction and meaning to our sleep depravation. I shall remember what Michelle said - when the baby eventually smiles back at you, everything is worth it.

God grant us much love, patience and faith in our parenthood! :)

Sent from my iPhone