Sometimes we complain about the maid going to the bathroom every hour. Well, maybe she really has weak bowels. But more often than not, I suspect it's just to retreat into a personal space. Mom also mentioned Ate was like this in the beginning.

Personal space is limited where we are now because there are 3 adults walking about the house everyday. I often retreat into the room to give everyone their personal space, hoping that I am able to bring Jon in with me for a one-on-one playtime. But I guess the first grandchild is like a super power magnet that attracts everyone. So one-on-one playtime and personal space are really rare treats. Hence I can totally emphatize with the maid, who is in a worst off state because she can't always retreat into her room when she has nothing to do since her room is also the diaper room, and all eyes are on her as to what she is doing at home. The bathroom is the best personal retreat sanctuary ever.

Since personal space is a treasured commodity (haha or at least to me), I tend to back off during the day and let everyone have their time with our super power magnet even though I really want to play with him. When he cries, everyone rushes to his side and I, as a mommy, just have to stand aside and let the rest care for him since they will be his main caregiver when I return to work. It looks and feels weird that a mommy is just standing aside to watch. Machiam I'm an irresponsible mommy that relies on others to care for the baby. It's not that I don't know how to look after Jon or that I'm lazy, but it's a deliberate attempt to bridge him to getting used to the main caregivers.

I'm still telling my brain that this is ok and let it be, though every single hour I struggle with it. Thoughts such as "oh dear, I heard my MIL say she was tired after pushing Jon on the pram with me last nite. Jon is getting heavier and her arms are tired. Yet how do I help her without offending her? She will always want to carry Jon even when I offer to help ease her load. Her shoulders and arms have been stretched and we need her to rest for the longer 'marathon'. How can I just stand there and watch her carry Jon?" And I don't want to appear like I'm "fighting" for the grandchild or depriving them of time with the boy. So I just retreat back into the room and find something to occupy myself with.

Hmm, I can hear Jon having his bath at the background. How I miss the daily morning bathtimes where I can sing to him and watch him smile back...