I dozed off after nursing Jon at around 3am this morning and Jon fell from the bed when he tossed in his sleep :(:(

Thankfully Dear dashed to pick Jon up after we heard the loud thud. I just panicked and screamed unconscionably for a while. My heart was racing crazily and stuck in my throat. Was very very angry with myself for dozing off and putting our son through another fall.

What if he seriously hurt his head and brain?! Why was I so stupid to sleep?! How can a mother put their child through such things as a result of her dumbness!!

I took a while to go back to sleep this morning after I put Jon back into the cot. Couldn't stop blaming myself for allowing such accidents to happen. I kept praying and praying that there will not be any permanent injury to Jon, else I will never forgive myself for it.

I also felt very guilty cos I was previously angry when Jon first fell from my in-laws' bed. How can I be such a bad DIL to be angry with them when the same accident happened when Jon was in my care. I'm sure it's God's way of teaching me a lesson.

Really feel so horrid for not looking after Jon properly. What a lousy mother..