watched singapore idol tonite. quite entertaining. thyidor was fab man! great presence and style. our next closest thing to singaporean alicia keys. she's the lady! anyway hahah i think i make a gd predictor. those i predicted all got in. haha..

david yeo's voice is nice. soothing. altho he's really quite beng. can't exactly compete in the looks department. but hey hey hey, de cruz and ben eio totally rocks. hahaha... how can anyone look so cute? apart frm edison and some other asian ppl. wow.. de cruz looks really cocky, but hey those whites and tt smile melts all tt ego away. ben eio, tt echoboy, is another cute one. monkey ears, but cute. hahhaa. two totally different type but hey, it strikes a chord with most girls. haha i'm being bimbotic again. well, it's a sign of nature at work. hahhahahaha....

why cant we juz find such ppl ard sch?? groan... like what ryan said, nothing to look fwd to each day. juz come, try to stay awake. yah, this has been how it's like since last yr. pathetic..

responding to dinko's comment, i think i can juz blog some irrelevant crap to chase those cobwebs away frm my blog. but honestly, my life's boring. i'm juz drowning in the never-ending pile of things to do, not just in school but in church too. i'm gonna be squashed flat by the end of the mth (which is ending soon) so stifled by everything. yucks...

so i'm in a mode of hoping i can go to some island again (singing: i'm leaving on a jet plane) to juz soak up the sun (singing cheryl crow's song) bleah, life is such a mad cat rush in little town singapore. maybe i shld go to some apline hut to hibernate. or to some cove to be a hermit. this is good for health. ok, i'm talking rubbish again. it's a form of release and escapism.

doubt i can destroy tt overwhelming bundle of stuff on my shoulders before the wk starts again and accumulate. ok, i just really need to complain. i'm surviving (i hope) so don't come tell me i need to be positive and all tt crap. this is my space to complain complain complain, exactly how we singaporeans are taught to do all the time. hate those feel-good psychology talk, it's all rubbish. end of the day, it's pathetic to have to rely on those silly techniques to feel good. it's ur life for goodness sake, not those authors. so juz let me live my own life and stop wasting time on those motivational bks. if u've really got motivation, u've got it. if not, juz chill and it'll come. it's ur life, do as u please, not as u're taught or instructed to do.

i'm getting really nowhere. if anyone's still reading this, reckon u're quite free to read this neurotic person blogging without thinking. hahha.. good for u!

i absolutely cannot stand this sem. so many things are super irritating. urgh.. this dumb thing abt getting texts is crazy. no idea why on earth publishing houses charge so much for a miserly bk? then there are other things we're doing tt requires some basic knowledge frm last sem. gosh, how would any normal human rem aft the exams??!! for one, there's no pt remembering what we did last sem. anyway things change all the time. what we learn as the sacred truth today, could jolly well be deemed as the useless and even wrong tmr.

ok, i'm in a state of disillusionment. cant take it, ppl ard me are ranting abt stuff that i have no recollections abt and it scares me. why do u even need to know em? are they so important? yucks. i feel like going on a long vacation and never come back. maybe i cld be tom hanks on tt lost island in the carribean islands (no asian islands other than those in thailand)

this is rubbish. i don't even know what i'm talking abt now. juz shoot off whatever's off my head now. this is gd therapy..

it's so true tt ppl with mixed blood are juz so beautiful creatures. guess guess guess last nite showed these 5 kids who hav mixed parentage. gosh, they are sooo cute! the girls were juz lovely but not so lively on stage, so not as entertaining. those little boys are juz too charming! (juz reminds me of how ah lian really loves boys) they are even more charming than most of the ppl i know. hahah... don't call me a paedophile. kids are gd to look at when they smile. tt's where my liking stops. screaming, wailing and rowdy kids are off limits. they juz make u wanna tear ur head off ur shoulders. happy kids are angels, those out of this category are monsters.

how did Jesus hav tt kinda patience to deal with kids? then again, He's patient and loving. much more than i am. maybe it's time to stretch my limits and be even more patient. this sunday will be a gd testing. haha..

"let all the children come to Me.. the kingdom of heaven is for the babes.. have childlike faith"

finally finished watching big fish. took me ages to get thru it since the last time. interesting show, but i guess i wasn't really paying attention to the dialogue to really catch what was being said. so it was juz nice watching ewan mcgregor act again after moulin rogue. that's 3 movies down in my comp. one more to go. let's see, maybe i can watch it tmr. i'm slowly evolving into a hermit juz watching movies at home. but nvm there's the new takeshi show i'm gonna catch with the girls. all not there to really watch it, but juz him. hahahha my church friends. suye even suggested we get 10 ppl since the title had to do with ten (corny scholar..)

going back to sch later to submit some assignment. yucks, i haven't even met the tutor/lecturer and we've gotta hand in some crap tt i did juz last nite. oh well, i hope it ain't graded. haha.. like to take the easy way out all the time.

first day in sch started horrible. lost my ez-link card on my way to sch, juz before i got on the bus. then i had to trace my way back home and find it. so there i was frantic cuz i was late. finally went to sch cursing under my nose and thoroughly irritated. had my first lect for the day. and i had a pleasant surprise frm my maid's sms telling me some guy picked it up and left it in sch lib! oh man, praise God! so it totally changed my mood for the day. yesh!

went for yr3 banking module. feels kinda strange cuz you feel young amongst the people. but yeah, something i realised and told chu qian yi ding. people in ntu are getting better looking, esp our yr3 banking module. hahah.. yeah bimbotic moments do happen

can't stand it how my parents treat me like some 15-yr old kid and it totally pisses me off. it's only 10 plus and my bro rings me up. gosh, do i look like i'm gonna get into some kinda big trouble? or get kidnapped? i don't even party, club, or date. so what do you want me to do? cage me up at home all day? i hardly go town for goodness sake!

i went for supper with my friends near my place and they had to ring me when i was in the car being sent home. what the??!! i need some personal space. and i hate it when this line's being crossed or even shifted. went for prata tonite and my other bro had to call me up. argh...

can't stand it. i'm not gonna care if they call me again. if i'm out, that's it. i'll be out. even if i miss the last bus, i'll take a cab home myself. this is the limit. i'm almost 20 and i need to be on my own.

have no idea why on earth am i so pissed right now. there's no reason to it, juz feeling irritated at everything. it's as though i got off the wrong side of bed. yucks.. well, i shld be better after some time. i hope.

had a haircut on monday with dinko at jp. kinda strange but i think we bth hav a bit of the same cut. maybe her's shorter. anyway, so it's the start of change. went home aft tt and packed my table and stuff. guess my life needs to have some interesting things to perk me up. now it's juz the day-to-day hum drum. so boring. can't stand the boring and dull life.

this reminds me of sth. fion once said tt she isn't surprised if i go europe and come back with some ang moh bf. hahha. kinda amusing and i laughed my head off. but then come to think of it, yeah it's possible. used to only 'consider' ang mohs or abcs (sounds so bitchy and spg-like rite) when i was younger. hahha. oh man, why on earth am i sputtering so much. this is still kinda public. oh what the heck, this is true. those who know me well will know i've got a knack for this. ok this is for know, i better shuddup.

as the Bible says, the tongue is a hard part of the body to tame. it's a two-edged sword, capable of loving and hurting. the tone we speak also conveys hidden undertones. when you speak too loudly or quickly it really really puts ppl off. even if u want to just make ur inner feelings known, there's no need to get so agitated and frown. talk camly and smile.
 
sometimes i think i smile too much when i'm with ppl i know. smile even during a not-so-cool conversation. for me, it's juz tt i don't wanna get ppl's defences up when i frown. unless i'm damn pissed will i immediately frown n react. to smile isn't a weakness. i hate it when ppl think they can step all over me juz cuz i don't hav a temper. what's the real deal is tt i'm actually a very impatient person. i only control myself much better as i grow up cuz my dad keeps reminding me to be patient.
 
reminded of what i did for bs this wk. galatians mentioned the 'obvious' sins, and dissensions and factions are in the list. so here's another reminder to myself to seek self-control (fruit of the spirit) and listen first.
 
probably at the end of the day, i shld juz keep my hands in my own pockets. don't be so meddlesome and overly concerned over things. leave it and let things happen on its own. totally not my principle but hey it's not really your thing. when you wanna do things properly and in detail, and it isn't really your job, you might juz be misunderstood of being a big kaypoh. it's best to stick to our own territory and not be overly enthusiastic cuz we may juz tread on someone else's zone, and we aren't sure how it's being interpreted.

my bro came back with scratches and bruises frm his match with acs. sound like a worried mom, but i was like "oh my gawd, you kena stepped in the chest???? aiyoh..." then i thought abt it, hey this is part n parcel of the game! lian n myself used to get our fingers a little bruised. the worst was chock's. it juz swelled twice the size of her finger.
 
used to think my bro can't make it for the team. started off in 2nd team. altho he's juz a reserve in the 1st team now. it's better than nothing. can see him enjoying the game now. no more finding excuses for training. he's happy to play. kinda itching to play.
 
some people juz hav such great passion for something. something i admire. i'm not very sure if i've got the same kind of passion for years. maybe i would. even then, sometimes people do move on to the next phase of life. a change of focus and energy. realized how my life's been stagnant for a couple of yrs already. not much hype or things going on. juz the nitty gritties of life. maybe it's time for an overhaul? i'm not too sure if i'm gonna face it with my arms wide open. we'll see then.

slacking is so heavenly. it's sinful but it feels so shiok! juz wake up at anytime u want and laze ard the hse. you're right, i'm a couch potato alrite. juz eat n eat all day, not movin my limbs, waiting for em to accumulate fats (as tho it hasn't already done so) yucky as it seems, this is what i've been doing for the past 4 days.

gonna meet xiao n ren later on for training/coaching. hahha not tt i'm gonna be of much help other than being a vase on the field. i'll juz watch em. honestly i'm only there cuz xiao asked. and i wanna like meet em. guess this is the next best chance lah.

ooo... i'm also so eager to hav my prata treat with the girls man! hahah so cute tt one of us has already lost the bet! catching up at holland v was so nice. altho it wasn't a really long time spent together. but wow, it feels so gd to be with the girls. can juz talk and ask all those qns. firing questions for our leading lady and her upcoming prata party. hahaha.. like what yam said, we're all really happy happy and estatic for her! she's sucha nice lady, so tt guy's got great taste. heh heh heh... my wager's still on ren. she's outta be losing the bet man. too bad she's picky. anyway she's sucha charmer, natural tt she's gonna be picky.

gosh chock, u shld hav been there tt nite. hahah it was nice talking to em. not alot of ppl went, but a nice handful tt's gd for chatting. hey avail urself when it's our prata party k! how abt joining the bet?? hee hee hee... keep me company. oh erm wrong word. tis not gd to keep me company in the club. hahaha.. oh well, juz join the bet for fun! can psycho lobster as well!

i bet many watched the nkf charity show. sometimes i juz don't agree with nkf's approach to these charity shows. why on earth do you wanna give out all those cash prizes? save it up for the kids! to think that organizers spend those 2hrs of airtime, trying to solicit viewers to dial in and donate. more funds could be channelled for the children. gosh, will you use your puny little brains to think? as for those prizes like cars blah blah. well, it cld be part of the sponsor's contribution. no grounds to argue then.

it's saddening to see how those little kids gotta suffer. juz like baby clara in church who has liver cancer. that tiny little life had to suffer a couple of months with those cancer cells in her, not allowed to be operated on cuz she was too young. here she is barely a yr old and had her first opt to rid of a big portion of her liver. that scar across her abdomen will be a scar of both pain and grace. juz like her, we're all living off God's fingertips of grace, as suye puts it.

sunday was the nkf show. and on saturday nites, we've got the simple life. the two dumb blondes paris and nicole are stars of their really useless lives. see the contrast? here are two absolutely spoilt things (i won't even use the word humans, cuz i can't see how they're contributing to society other than giving us juicy gossip pages and stimulating hollywood's economy) who are allowed to do all they want. spoil people's lives, mess up a small town and behave like total brats. yet they're heraled for all these, to the extent of having simple life2. then you see these kids, they can't even afford their medical fees. don't even hav the energy or frame of mind to enjoy life. what contrasts. such is how our society works.

i can't imagine being parents of kids from either of this spectrum. first you've got the sickly children. the torture of seeing the ones you bring to this world endure pin pricks, tests after tests, and not even knowing how their future is like. you can't stand beside them all their life. so who's gonna care for them? then comes those spoilt brats. they aren't even bimbos cuz bimbos do use the slightest little bit of brain left in them. but these girls don't even know what's a bank (probably it juz means dad) they can't even contribute in any way to the family, let alone the environment they are in. mere leeches benefiting frm the wealth amassed by mr hilton. as mr and mrs hilton & mr and mrs lionel richie, i wonder what they're thinking. are my girls helping the ppl around them? imagine walking ard and having fingers point at me, ppl whispering what spoilt creatures i've got. yucks..

my last day of work finally! enjoy my freedom at last. tis smells so sweet.. well actually i complained so much abt my work all the time. too blind to see what my mom was saying. altho it was stressful, busy and you might step on ppl's toes at times. but tt's the real thing out there. just yesterday my director came and stood at my cubicle talking to me; asking me why i didn't wanna juz finish all the way like i told em when i started. well obviously i was lost for words. how can i out talk a master degree chap? and this guy's apparently quite a name in the accounting arena, knows quite a no of ppl in ernst n young's board of director. so there he was giving me a small lecture on what it means to manage time (trying to persuade me to stay cuz they cldn't find a replacement until this morning) and how we shld be committed to our task and build our credibility and integrity. honestly he sounded so smooth, but yeah i knew he was giving me a soft lecture. anyway altho it was quite a akward, it did make lots of sense afterwards. a whole chunk of food for thot. as u all know, end of the day i still didn't stay. so i guess he might not hav very nice things to say shld any head hunters call my ex bosses. but yeah, this guy's a heck of a brainer. talks like hooi de huan (however u spell the mktg lecturer's name) and a little of seow kok boon. he's a director of an american company, yet he's got this big gold ring on his finger. a bit of a beng who plays golf u can say. back to his brains, he's got a degree in engineering but a masters in business (i shld think so since he told me he was invited to lecture a couple of times before)

my immediate boss is the nice one. i can talk to him n he's always talking patiently with me. explains things i dn really understand. and uses simple language tt non-experienced greenhorns like me can make sense of. another avid golfer. apparently my director told me he plays a mean game of golf. jokingly asked me to learn frm him (i was caught between these 2 mens' talk over golf) nice chap. always smiling n laughing. i said sorry (becuz i felt like i was interrupting his work) then he said "say sorry for what? you didn't do anything wrong. sit sit, i need to talk to you." so he started sharing with me how come he n the director were so busy yest and i had to help em do stuff. over some usd30million contract. can u beat that?! tt's the green bill mind u. and i thot shimano was doing some big business. well maybe it's comparable, since shimano's land space is definitely bigger than cameron, and it's got taller factories.

gosh, what's wrong with my jobs? how come always in gul area? so sad...

had much to think about today. God really knows how to work His way into our thoughts. we can't escape it.

kinda not prepared to lead bible study this afternn cuz i thot my partner was gonna lead. so i didn't really give it much preparation and thought. so anyway i only knew like 15mins before i left home tt i had to lead cuz she was sick. there i was kinda going to church with a teeneey weeny bit of dread in me, knowing i didn't prepare my bible study and still had tuition to think abt. throughout the journey to church, tried to pray for God to quieten my heart and annoint my lips to talk sense to the girls.

bible study session was ok i guess. what was more important for the girls i guess was their sharing. the baring of their hearts to talk abt things that made em sad. how they encouraged each other, after having experienced the same sentiments before. no idea how the topic led to them poping the question: you're so old already, how can you not have a boyfriend? time to get one before you're too old! gosh, fancy that coming from 3 sec2 girls. hahah ok lah, as usual i'm fine with my maritial status and singlehood. what tickled me was the way they put it to me. it was in absolute shock that i'm ok with it at my age. amusing how sometimes little kids can be mature in their funny ways.

so after tuition, i poped back to church to check out practice for tmr's youth service. two of my girls were supposed to be backup singers. somehow there was some misunderstanding between them. to cut the story short, they cried and got me sniffing too (not surprising since i'm a tear barrel who cries juz looking at others cry) tried to get them to be buddies since last yr but it didn't seem to head anywhere. to top it off, one of them was going to another church. this means they're gonna see less of each other. have always been hoping that they get back to their good ol' days of fun n laughter, where the girls had been so close. i thot all was not gonna be sunny, then came today's 'crying' session. they've finally cleared the air. hugged each other in tears and smiles. it was a huge load off my heart. sincerely hope that this wld spell the end of previous prejudices they had and the start of the beautiful chapter of their sisterhood. really cheered me to see them huggin each other. they were my two most promising kiddos who were growing in the Lord. they were and they still are.

i guess when you're a discipler, you really are burdened to see them grow. on my way home, i just kept thinking of how i can use my time to help them mature. to give em my time n love. yeah you get the idea. God really spoke to me through the girls. never amazes me how they can teach me such simple but great truths. in a way i'm convinced that it was God's plan that my partner had her stiff neck, and that i had to go lead bible study. He knew that i'd go to youth service practice, He knew that i had to handle that sticky situation, He knew that it was time the girls had to resolve this before they can't see each other.

::trust God to teach you lessons in places you least imagine it::

countdown to another wk at work! sheesh, i remembered tt i'd lots to blog. but i'm pressed for time now so yeah. i'll leave it in my head at the mo. still in search of another template tt i like and has space for tagboard. hahah then also quite good. tt ntuc auntie cannot post msges on my tagboard. hahhhahaha.....

hmm looking for a new template. this one caught my eye. but the really sad thing's tt i can't link n add my tagboard. guess this will do in the meantime. sorry to ppl who wanna tag yah. i'm looking for something better. i'll figure out how to add music too. if i ever get this done first

counting down to the day i end my work. in need of a break and a great tan at the beach. maybe shld get ppl to go sentosa with me. beach volley anyone? teach this fella here how to play man. i can't ask jason cuz he's too pro at it. besides he's gonna be attracting hoards of little girls and disrupt our game. hmm i dunno, maybe the girls? well, a mixed bunch of lads n laydees is the best. anyone someone, go to sentosa with me??!!! i'm parched white as can be. to think tt i hate being white. tt's my natural colour, or shld i say discolouring. yuck.. i can't get tan and i've never had a sunburn my entire life. banana boat doesn't work. lobster sihui can testify to tt for me. i used hers during our training ages ago. we sizzled under the sun. she was a red fully cooked lobster, but i was still as white as ever. take pity on me, my little melanine cells..

gosh. how my bs grp has sorta crumbled. maybe tt's a hard word. but yeah, one of the girl's gonna follow her dad as he pastors in another church. thot she wld stay. the rest aren't coming for youth grp so regularly. i guess it's my fault as i haven't met em for quite a while. a long time in fact. yeah, this is God's hard way of making me buck up with them; to spend more time with them and shower em with all my love. yeah, wish we cld go back to when we first started n i played with the girls all the time. hmm.. maybe they aren't little anymore. they've grown n are finding the struggle between their social life and church stuff.

shiwei, we've gotta spend more time with the girls. i really dn wanna see em float around and never grow. hmm. thought my entry today wld be sth light.

i'm a grumpy n irritated person now. irritate me further and i'll explode. everyday keep doing stuff almost 24hrs a day. barely get my rest or recharge and off i'll hav to force myself to move onto the next day. force a smile on my face when i feel like sulking. everything's pent up and waiting to explode. probably something will let the bubbling gas of irritation slowly ease out. but at the meantime, dn talk to me and try to cheer me up or sth. leave me alone and let me hav my own space! maybe hermits are a more gentle and patient lot; willing to take life as it comes slowly. so here in the city, the psychologists have their own little market of depresed city dwellers & concrete jailbirds to attend to. the demand's gonna rise until someday, our general practioner is also a qualified psychologist.

even blogging or going online's taking up my precious sleep. work ends early but my day doesn't end until 12 plus. dreaming the entire nite and feeling as though i haven't slept a wink. wake up at 5am and start the whole new cycle again.

such is life as a miserable-powerless pawn of society-impatient singaporean.

bored stiff at work today. nothing to do. or at least not for me. i stoned, pretended to be busy. well, i'm a bad actor. it's way too obvious not to notice. anyway so yeah, my supervisor asked me why didn't i tell her i was free? hmm so i was kinda stumped for words. tell her? what am i supposed to say? hello, i'm so free. pls dump all ya work on me, i'll finish em for you.

i'm no saint when it comes to work. you pay me a pittance and expect me to slog my hearts out for you? hmm wait long long. so i juz sat there clicking in blank space with the finance director walking up and down beside me. i so wanna quit. still trying to come up with the best dialogue to make it sound nice and amicable. help me.. i'm not tt thick skinned to say your job's so boring, gimme a break.

so here i am, accumulating fats in everywhere possible. fats in the wrong place. tyres circling around me as i expand horizontally. disgusting state. yet i'm too darn lazy to work out, to get tt perky butt. hahah ok i'm juz being so lame. it muz be the after effects of an overdose of chips. so here goes, i'm gonna watch extreme makeover on tv. how contradicting of me. whatever, life's always imperfect and full of blemishes. juz gotta live with it.

today's my day off. but i'm sucha loser. sitting in ntu's library waiting to register my subjects which is a full 2hrs wait. i'm gonna be stoned and cobwebs will form all over me in no time.

sucha hassle to think of what subjects to register for. i think it's juz a girl think. creatures who need company. and i thot God made woman to comfort and be a partner for adam, not the other way around. registering for subjects really drain my already diminishing brain juice. have to think of whether it's useful, whether anyone's taking it, wheter the timetable's good blah blah blah. not all that independent, so i don't daret to venture into uncharted territories all by myself. i'll sink, drown and die a lonely death. (remy zero's save me is the most appropriate theme song now) so torn as to which module to take. shld i go for it's value as i think of it to be, or follow the sch's recommendation? dont wanna waste my energy to take both cuz only one's gonna be recognized anyway. i can go on n on abt this, but i shan't lest the blogger server kicks me out becuz it'll be way too long.

timetable for next sem's not gonna be as slack as i thot it wld be. bye to 3-day wk and hello to 4-long-day wk. then i can't arrange my time with lydia again. die.. i hope auntie anne won't kill me for this. sorry lydianne. ops, it's sucha long name to spell. lydia's much better u little punk.

something totally lame n funny happened at work today. during lunch, some short guy (an engineer i think. can't rem his name anyway. who cares. duh)
"think i've seen you somewhere" (fancy this happening in real life. i thot bad pick up lines only occur in lame joke books)
"erm no? never seen u b4"
"so where do you study?"
"ntu lor"
"ooo.... i was in ntu until i transferred to nus. found it too far" (why bother tell me. i'm not the least interested little fella)
"so are you having your IA now?"
"no, juz finished yr1"
"oh icic. i'm frm poly so entered later. you take 269 to ntu then?" (is there even sucha bus. hello? frm pakistan??)
"ermmmm..... there's only 179 & 199"
"oh yah oh yah. i forgot" (how can u forget if you claimed to hav switched last yr?)

anyway this is juz the excerpt frm the darn lousy conversation. don't think u can take me for a ride n believe your lousy story.
1. you can't get your facts right. contradict yourself frm beg to end. your plot's trash.
2. don't intrude in my lunch time.
3. never never ever ever send me emails when i don't know you.
4. a cutsie pic of a kitten makes it worse.
5. erm i think i'm as tall as you in my shoes, l'ill boy.

basically i think it's so darn humiliating. nevermind, i'll not see you anymore. doubt you dare come any inch closer. i'm not as friendly as ppl think. i bare my teeth, snarl, frown n sulk. don't try to come into my personal space. i'll bite you when u least expect it. buzz of you fly!

received a heeeuggeee miracle frm the One above yesterday. so urworthy of all the blessings, yet i get it bountifully. as what yee lin says, when you honour God, He honours you. and we receive grace n mercy in heaps. thankew Father! it's truly Your work at this, not mine.

oohhh, watching ch8 now. man, edmund chen really kicks some ass being some shao ye. but yeah, no matter how old he is, i'll still fancy watching him. so cute with the red cheeks! hahha i think only yee lin n myself share the same interest in him. hahaha sounds so auntish..

american idol fever's over with the crowning of fantasia. but somehow i didn't enjoy it as much as season 2. last season i was hovering between clay n rooooben. this season, i guess i only liked la toya (who was dissed out) and jasmine (cuz she's juz too pretty) the guys can't make it. and the final 2 aren't really my favourite. not much on screen charisma.

anyway my point is tt it blows me away when ppl can sing and belt out such stuff frm their little frames. kate's one power house. not loud in tt sense, but your grunge girl singer type. evan's got tt high yet angelic voice. such little girls, but wonderful singing. they make a fantastic duo. envy those with such gifts cuz yours truly really can't sing. i sound horrid. so when i go ktv, i'll juz watch mtv n mouth the words. haha.. sparing a thought for the ppl around me, u see.

singapore idol's coming up. wonder how it's gonna be like. when i heard tt cheryl seah was gg for audition, i laughed my head off man. okok maybe i shld be nice. she could hav an awesome voice, juz tt i dunno. don't pin your hopes on this season of singapore idol unless those charismatic church singers come. wah biang, they can really sing. this lady frm the rock (new creation church). wow, she really has a superb voice. yeah, if those of tt league goes. tt's a watcher.

working life isn't nice at all. u've got no life. do overtime when u can't finish your work and all. cooped up in the office. tt's your little microcosm. i can't imagine having to endure sucha life. used to laugh at people who's life ambition is to be a tai tai. well i guess tt kinda life is less restricted- you get to do what you want w/o worries or deadlines. i'll be a different tai tai. travel the world lah, shop a bit. but maybe go to orphanages or mission trips. yeah, tt's less bimbotic.

here i am at work. nothing to do not becuz everyone's free. in fact it's the reverse. i've juz got nothing to do cuz no one's teaching me how to. gosh... i'm typing in fear i get caught. spent my whole morning surfing new websites. how boring is tt..

i've always been paranoid when it comes to my health. those giddy spells hav been coming back now. yikes! started when i was in sec sch. it used to be sudden pain in the back of my head. imagined the doc diagnosing me with brain tumour. pictured myself lying in hospital bed, saying bye to my friends n crying. super freaked out, until i realised it happened regularly. came to take it as part of me. told my mom, she got a shock of her life. then i told her it's not unusual. hahah, she's another paranoid one. said i better hav full body checkup when i start work. or i might get high blood like my grandpa. whatever it was, i imagine what wld happen shld i really die. would i divulge my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings? i wonder. what would my family n friends' reaction be?

here i am talking about death again. we're all humans made of flesh. it's natural to fear even if you know where you're headin for after your life here. we all fear of how we die. will it be painful and torturous? my close friend once asked me how i wanna die. obviously i said die a natural death in my sleep. how abt other ways she asked. guess the next best option for me is to die of a heart attack. it's quick and fast. not a lingering death.

muz spare everyone of this death issue. juz becuz i'm feeling giddy and tt my head's numb doesn't mean u've gotta go thru what i am. yep, i'm talking crap. a typical sign when my head's gg bonkers. either tt u see me staring at you not saying anything. juz a blank look.

RIP

have you ever felt that your life seems to be in the dumps when u look at others? yup, it's bad to compare. but tt's life. we live in relativity, not in absolute terms. comparison kills you, as so they say, but we're mere mortals. how can we possibility stop ourselves from tt? why do we enjoy the excitement of living in someone else's shoes for a day? for the excitement and break in our life's monotony as they say. but in reality, the hidden motivation is because that life is something we hope to have. it's scary how some people's lives are so different frm your own. seems to be so gd to be true it scares you. someday i'll live the life i desire. but at the moment, it only exists in my mid air sandcastles.

boy, i havent been online for ages. and i juz checked my email. gosh, it's overflooded with those stupid spam mails. how irritating it is. strangely enuff, some stupid search tool bar keeps loading itself to my com. i can't delete it frm my program list. it's blocked?! why on earth do these ppl wanna load their search bar on my com? i never use em anyway. worst of all, they're x-rated. but yeah, tt's what it claims to be. no one ever touches it. damn those ppl who load this things on my com n block me frm deleting em. i want my com space! my com's gettin slower already. it's barely a yr old. juz coming to a yr old. argh...

sat beside some worker back frm work in my company's bus. eeeks... they smell. the kind of sweat smell guys produce (pardon me for being crude but it totally irks me) he was sleeping n nodding all the way. i was squirming in my seat having to endure it. pasted myself against the window, praying tt his head stays on his shoulder n to the little area around his head. this is not the end. when i tried getting off, this chap slept n cldn't wake up. sacrificed my index finger to poke him like almost 4 times before getting him to wake up. frantically got off the bus and away frm the us of smell tt permeated becuz it was practically filled with workers. bless my nose. i'll hav to take this everyday for 2 more mths

ok i sound so bitchy and petty abt this. but there are somethings tt i can't tolerate. i wont verbalise it. but yeah, i'm screaming for help in my heart.

it's the hols and i'm totally drained out. concuss so early and i'm tired every morning. imagine having to wake up at 520am juz to start work at 730am? altho i end work early, i'm almost packed meeting friends lah blah blah. and u can't help but stay out longer with ur friends. so now i end up sleeping even later. the cycle goes on. sleep depravation. black eyes n eye bags developing. i need my beauty sleep..

getting fat again becuz of all tt office work. anyway i'm having second thoughts of whether i'll really be an accountant as i set out originally. yeah, call me a bore staring at all numbers. anyway back to my work. this stupid program tt's supposed to be easier to use is so damn hard. all those strings of numbers make absolutely no sense to my simple logical brain. but yeah, to them this is so simple to enter into the data. for 5 long days, i still dunno anyth. my supervisor has been explaining the same thing again n again and i still don't get it. (sounds like lulu in daddy's girls) yeah i'm r.e.t.a.r.d.e.d.

yeah but i also asked my supervisor if she's considered an accountant. surprisingly she said no. she's only an acct asst. hmm... so the whole finance dept only has 3accountants?! weird.. maybe i shld ask my uncle whether accountants really need to learn tt program. i hope not cuz it's driving me nuts and i'll hav to do this for more than 2mths! bless me.. i'd rather do other stuff there. so stressed on friday and it's only my 1st wk at work. how abt mth end?! and end of the quarter?! so suay lor, i'll hit right smack in these 2 big periods. argh, then no one will be free enuff to help me reverse my errors (which i already broke the record there for no of errors within a day)

wanted to grumble n complain my heart out over work yest but yeah i didn't cuz my dad's was using the com. oh anyway, i did sth a bit drastic to my hair. meant to juz hav a cut, but ended up dying n cutting it a like ql's hair. not as short but has the same one long side. officially broke cuz i squandered more than a day's pay juz on my hair in like what one and a half hrs time? yeah i was a bit pissed off at work, so my hairdresser happened to come in time to ask me if i wanted to dye my hair. my form of expression. anyway so now i'm learning how to gel my hair. think it's too heavy, so it flops back like it always does.

today's a much better day. maybe cuz i read daily bread and God talked to me. reminded me not to judge for it's His power. and to work n serve faithfully. absolutely right smack in my heart: the big lesson for yest and tt i tried practising today. yup, when u seek God to help u go thru things, it's a whole lot of difference. i didn't sulk and found more joy in my work. and i hope i'm still in the midst of finding tt joy.

sth i learnt frm juz a couple day's of work: the academic world is so well-cushioned agst politics. the private sector is a major minefield. no wonder branson kwok likes being in ntu. lookin back to my prev job. realised tt altho it was a very rigid jap co, but at least my colleagues made the stay fantastic. sth really memorable! miss em actually.

oh gosh, how cld real madrid lose?! ok i'm not a soccer fan. juz watch a bit. saw the sports news highlights. oh man. the star studded team. my favourite for totally bimbotic reasons. i don't play soccer so i dunno how to judge by skills. why i like madrid:
1. they've got the delicious beckham!
2. then there's capt raul gonzales
3. the blur blur luis figo
4. botak zidane
5. shortie carlos
6. cute lil' boy ronaldo
7. and finally, they've got nice white jerseys!!!!
ok, talk later. i'm gonna watch the rebecca loos interview. she's kinda pretty, too bad she's a woman with no shame. totally not surprised if it was chelsea's plot to pay loos to hang beckham's dirty linen in public. she gets to gain twice (one frm chelsea's bribe to get her to spill the beans, another frm all gossip tabloids) chelsea totally gets to gain so much frm this whole scam (or the truth as u might say) they know so well tt ms arrogant victoria will kick up a fuss n demand becks to get back to england. then chelsea can conveniently buy becks over! sounds logical rite? i make sucha a great team manager

had a great laugh at ah lian's blog. she never never ever amazes me with her writing. it's so original, honest and yeah her words juz blows me away. writing juz comes so naturally for her. tt's our spiderwoman for u. always tickling us with her funny actions.

then we also hav raisin. our capt. the nick i gave her for being so dark (aft so much trg) and dry. like a raisin obviously. a hell of a capt. u'll never find any person more committed than her. very sweet ladyee who's also a feminist. but she's a really gr8 pal. can juz talk rubbish with her. i always find myself chattin with her non-stop.

shaqi: our beloved little girl. ops. ok she aint tt little. she's older than all of us. don't belittle this cute girl. all smiles on and off the field. but her legs are wonderful man. it carries her so fast n so far. literally floats across the field.

the other half of dynamic duo steph. a gymnast on the field. falling and tripping but can still laugh at herself after tt. cool girl who's equally fast. always smiling, even tho we juz got punished. wonder where she gets her joy. no temper at all too.

mighty mouse jieren. our ms charming. as i always say. if i'm a guy, she's the first girl i'll date in the team. so cute in her subtle way. we used to decide on which link either of us will take. she'll take one and i take the other. our sporty chick jieren.

yam. coach's sister. the only one who can play hand games with him and BEAT him to it. hahha one cock girl. but so cute as well. she's got the most steady relationship. never seen a couple so mature. not ur little kiddish 1/2mth relationship. our winger too. the one i usually support on the field.

chock. hahaha ms molestor. likes to touch ppl, esp ah lian who'll be super freaked out and start telling us abt it. another girl u can't juz judge by lookin at her. she's all girlie, but she can run in her mini skirt?! yeah didn't notice until a jr told me in a totally shocked voice.

jac. oh jac.. the prettiest in the team. yeah one of the 4 beauties (inc hong, ah lian & jess) the ferrari of the team. also a winger like yam. the nicest girl who like to bake n cook. also accident-prone. imagine falling badly juz b4 our first match. gosh..

team manager hong. ms motherly and great cook. can whip up a meal for her family. very gentle n has nice ball handling. our model of an ideal wife. the one my mom pointed out to hav a star's face.

jess, hong's bloodsister. another one happily attached to her bohan. her life goal's to set up a child care center in m'sia. like hong, she's absolutely a ms nice. all girlie, she follows soccer and goes to pubs to watch matches. cool huh?

then there's ms diva rachel. part of the 3musketeers (ah lian, rach n myself) she bounces on the field, together with the long bouncy hair. haha.. can act super bimbotic but hidden behind tt face's a brainy chick. likes things glittery n girlie.

here's introducing my beloved team:: RUGGRATS. a total mix of characters soo different, but yet melt together perfectly. as jac said, it's precisely this blend of ppl tt makes us unique, how we cld come together.

oh never forgetting big fat (whom lobster n i call beefcake) seems egoistic n loud, but yeah nice at times (definitely not when we do anyth wrong n in the midst of punishing us)

one day, we'll send our kids to jess' child care ctr. then hav dr zheng to give us regular checkups. all the accountants in the team will manage the child care, while rach admister the medicine with her bio backgrd together with shaqi's chem engrg. hong can also give us regular x-rays. finally yam will handle all legal stuff.

ok this is a really long entry. if u ever finish reading this, hats off to you. bet u don't understand half of what i juz said anyway. hahhaa...

found a new template. ok i dig things tt are black n white. very unique n edgy. esp old bw photos. don't ask me what ephymerous is. the better person to ask wld be ah lian. maybe i shld check the dict later on. yeah. can't get rid of the banner beind this. yeah.. quite a raw template. in need of refinements which i'll probably not be doing. hahha...

can't believe it. this morning i was flippin ard in bed wondering what i'm gonna do for the next 3mths. and opened my blog. realised tt my favourite pic is gone. really really liked the template. but yeah. the pic was gone so v ugly. anyway was juz looking ard for new template until some agency called me up. so here i am: employed again in tuas area. but yeah. the pay's low but i guess cannot complain cuz i can't possibly get the same rate as i did b4 becuz this is thru agency. anyway so gonna start work on monday. which means i can't really meet up with my pals in the morning. seesh. hope i don't hav to dorn some ugly n awful uniform like i did at shimano. wish me luck on monday..

call me desperate. but i've been lookin for a job since monday. getting sick n tired of this. can't they juz gimme a call or sth? apply n apply. argh! can't be picky abt the pay now. joce cldn't even find one after a wk of searching. she thinks of being a waitress. hmm wonder if she'll really do it. but yeah, maybe she'll go paddy fields. hahha like when we went there together. oh whatever. juz gimme a job. i wanna save for my trip!

TWENTYSOMETHING - Jamie Callum
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even seperate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
THESE ARE THE DAYS
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine
Sometimes when the nights are closing early
I remember you and I start to smile
Even though now you don't want to know me
I get on by, and I go the extra mile
These are the times of love and meaning
Ice of the heart has melted away and found the light
These are the days of endless dreaming
Troubles of life are floating away like a bird in flight
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine


hmm listened to his songs online. kinda cool. some new age jazz chap. edgy n nice. more funk than norah jones. anyway i guess, this song twentysomething will apply to me real soon. all so lost as to where to go. not sure to pursue our fantasies or reality. yeah, life's a struggle. a contradiction. "we all seem so different, but we're just the same". cheers to all twentysomethings or so to be. u'll know what i mean.

suddenly remember our favourite stick figure, calista flockhart in her role as ally mcbeal. can't rem the name off hand. but yeah, tt seemingly silly character lost in her world. a neurotic at times. but hey, aren't we like tt sometimes? met a friend, hmm maybe u can call it acquaintance. but yeah, she always told me she totally relates to mcbeal. used to think she's so funny. fancy watching some show and being so engrossed until u say u're like tt character. never took her words seriously, until i bumped into her recently. yeah, she's graduating frm fashion school. not planning to work. gonna tour the world. probably be station in china (of all places china. hahha) but yeah, tt's what she wants. not a 9-5 job, sitting by the computer n surrounded by 4 walls. she even intends to set up her own bag shop eventually. sewed a couple of bags n sold em. cool eh?! but yeah, now i know why she says she's like mcbeal. if she's gonna follow the well-trodden path. she'll go mad. neurotic like mcbeal. suffocated in the system. yeah, different ppl different lives.

saw this pair of nike slippers at nike women at taka when i was with raisin. oh man, it was so nice!!! it matched with my purple pants and was totally comfortable. then we went to queensway and i tried it. wah... so nice. but it's so darn costly. 45bucks for a pair of flip flops. how can i spend tt kinda money? altho i really really want to.. oh pls, let this pair of slippers drop from heaven right now. it'll make my day..

so many thoughts running thru my puny little brain. not planning to articulate everyth. a blog is still a blog, it's not private. it's open n free for all. some things are best left to be stored inside urself. yeah, kinda jaded now. so this is it. the start of my so-called holiday.

hahha guess the whole world knows abt the exam leak incident. when chock told me on thurs, i juz laughed. pity tt lecturer who's gonna be trying real hard to save his little ass. hahhaa... how can u be so careless to leak it on edventure? my gosh, some big joke played on all candidates. hahhaa... but pity the students cuz they might hav2 retake the exam. what the... imagine them muggin for it and now they've gotta suffer again becuz of some silly error.

one more paper to go. and i'm not really reading my mktg. juz slacking this labour day, watching billboard and silver clef. watched anywhere but here last nite so i'm juz gonna continue my tv marathon again. hahha... wish me luck for my smoking skills on monday.

couple of thots ran thru my mind during this period. esp my dreams.. ahhaha.. my weird but funny dreams. well, didn't blog it cuz i muz keep it as my secret. hahaha it's not some wet dreams mind u. i've juz got the strangest dreams ever. once dreamed tt i was shot in the head twice. and i juz died. some war thing. weird tt i even escaped being shot the first time round. but yeah, i was shaken. my mom said i was mad. hahhhaa... she's used to my dream-telling

here i am again. after the horrendous stats paper, muchin on my biscuits n watching days of our lives. has been a dumb day for me. making dumb mistakes. who ever said a die has 7 sides? well i did. i said there's 7 dots on a side of the die. hahha so stupid of me. sucha dumbo. this is juz one of the many many mistakes i did. i better not rattle on, or it'll be never-ending story chpt 3.

can't wait to meet wensi on monday! maybe i shld ask ah lian out too. it's been so long since i've met em. too bad, shaqi's back in m'sia. okok, so till then it's break! hahhaha... heck abt mktg. someday i'll give u a low down on my ruggrats. the beloved ones. heh heh..

so this is the 2nd paper tt's gone. 2 more to go and i can't take it. so sick n tired of having exams. been sleeping on my bks day after day. so i'm juz hoping this ends so tt i don't hav2 sleep on my bks. juz sleep. hahhaha... not tt i haven't been doing it anyway. what the heck am i saying? having some literary jam up in my brain now.

tried my dad's wine the other day. coroner's shiraz. yuck, so bitter n smelly. and he even said it was sweet. hahhaha so i told him i still liked burgundy (the one u drink for holy communion) so sweet n nice. then he said, i dunno how to appreciate it. hahah hmm anyway hope tt he brings some nicer ones home. till then, shiraz is not on my list of favourites.

can't wait for the hols to come. it's so boring juz looking at my bks or watching tv. hmm.. actually i've got no idea what to expect during the papers. oh whatever.. it's so boring juz to talk abt exams all the time. it sucks..

watched some travelogue show on tv recently. some backpacking program which follows ppl who check into youth hostels around europe. boy it looked so cool! they went to spain one epi and next to salzburg. oh man, i really wanna go too! always thot i can take this kinda stuff. but i realised if i ever go, it has to be a mixed grp. guys n girls on the road. it's safer n more fun. juz time out having a hell of a time. something i didn't really fancy was the kinda parties they had with the hostelites. all dirty n yeah, u get what i mean. hav been thinking of gg abroad (probably aussie) with pkg. but i'm sure bth our parents won't allow it. hmm maybe i can start saving n ask ard. rope in some ppl to go along. xian, shiwei, suye, vain.. when it comes to europe, u bet i'm gonna ask elliot cuz he'll probably know his way ard. oh there's suye also! she wants to go london. hahah hmm maybe i can even visit yam at nottingham.

boy, all these is juz a dream. too far as of now. but i really hope i can get to do it someday. all before it's too late. juz tour with my friends and hit the road. we can't really travel in a car across states during holidays like u can if u were in aust/ us. the furthest u can go is probably m'sia. and i'm not really keen on tt. hmm... nvm, juz get my pop to agree first. this is my first and biggest biggest hurdle. pop, time to let ur girl go n explore things outside of the safety zone. i know where my limits are. chill..

there's something really wrong with me. i'm always online or doing other unimportant stuff. supposed to be studying or muggin for my papers, but here i am blogging again. what the heck am i doing with my life? argh.. juz no motivation or drive. this is the downslide fer me

anyway, juz had my last mktg presentation. muz say i was a total wreck. unprepared. blabbered thruout my part of the presentation. not confident of what i said. juz absolutely different frm how it was like b4. well highlight of the day was the photo-taking. haha silly ryan said, muz bring digicam cuz she dressed very girlishly today. hahaha.. so cute. yeah, so there we were snapping all the way. quite funny. there's some grp dynamics among the 5 of us. hahah quite funny cuz we're always doing stuff other grps don't do. like crapping, having breakfast, even laughin over lame jokes (thanks to ryan n yiwen) then the 2 guys find solace in each other admist this bunch of wacky girls. poor chaps. hahha but i think they enjoy each other. hohohoho...

so i'm loading the pics onto shutterfly now. hmm might juz add commentaries in it some other day. not tonite. juz too many pics to go. shld i wait for it to finish loading? or shld i get back to my books? hmm.... u can guess which is my choice then

wanted to get my little bit of satisfaction with a choc ice-cream cone. the one yiwen n myself like. but argh, the silly mac girl gave me the wafer cone?!!!! argh! she still asked me what cone i wanted and i told her i want the biscuit one. u muz be thinkin why on earth am i complaining as long as i get the choc ice cream rite? tell u what, i hate the wafer thing. it's so soft n uncrunchy. like food for old people with no teeth. yuck....

watching the new jap drama now. there goes my water boys. last episode last wk. drats, exams are round the corner and i'm already half in the coffin. at the rate i'm gg, i'm juz jumping head on into deep shit. kinda given up on this sem. don't know why i'm doing this to myself but yeah, there goes my white flag hanging above my head. dido's "white flag" is my theme song now.

anyway back to the jap show. hmm not bad looking guys but definitely not as gd as kimura n the beach boy chap (whatever his name is) maybe i shld catch oc, the new ch5 show. looks cool and shallow for a brain dead me on thurs nites..

maybe i shld work at a production house or tv station to watch more tv. hahhaha

hmm yesterday was a musical ride for me. was listening to radio and wah, all my favourite songs were aired! cool.. still haven't got the time to watch linkin park vcd. gosh..

Love Song For A Savior
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

getting a little lyrical these days..

it sucks when ur circle of singletoon friends are shrinking. and recently it has shrunk with two mbrs less. argh.. so obsessed with dating tt u can't meet em up. what's ur problemo? no life outside of tt small partnership of two? yiwen, yeah i think what u said is true abt the turkeys. hahha.. hmm, still think my rugby pals rock more.

get a life outside of your little fantasies with ur soul mates..

BREATHE EASY ~ BLUE
Cruel to the eye
I see the way he makes you smile
Cruel to the eye
Watching him hold what used to be mine

Why did I lie?
What did I walk away to find
Ooohhh... why... oooh... why...

Chorus
I...can´t breathe easy
Can't sleep at night
Till you're by my side
No I...can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

Curse me inside
For every word that caused you to cry
Curse me inside

I won't forget, no i won't baby,
I don't know why (don't know why)
I left the one I was looking to find

Ooh... why... ooooh, why... whyyy...

Why

Chorus x 1

No I...can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life

That's all I'm breathing for

Ooooooohhhhh... tell me why

Oh won't you tell me why

I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

No, no, no

Chorus x 1

There's no air

writen by lee ryan. nice tune and voice frm the cutsie little face. gd lookin fellow in the band with the best voice besides duncan.
hmm was watching kate's dvd this morning. hmm call me another victim of boyband but hey i think i quite enjoy it. hmm better not let elliot hear me say this. i thot the dvd was not bad, not smashing but ok lah. ok i'll watch his linkin park dvd next and give another appraisal then. but i think linkin park's live in texas is gonna be sky rocket. we'll see

listening to jason maraz over internet radio. hmm.. simple and catchy. easy to follow tune but doubt he can stay for long lah. juz for me to chill before the start of another hectic wk ahead.

looking for jazz mp3s for my youth grp stuff n stupid kazaa juz doesn't lemme load em! dammit! oh man, how to fill a whole cd of soundtracks?? luck to me for loading em now.

gonna be driving again today. hmm getting more fun cuz she finally praised me for being able to control clutch! hahha yeah! but then again hor, i do stupid things like stopping in yellow boxes tt immediately fail me. haha i'm so dumb.. nvm, try again today!

yes! finally our mktg presentation's over. gosh, it was so embarassing to really make a fool of ourselves during the presentation. but yeah, i guess tt's why our whole grp enjoys the project! cool! ahahha oh man, we all looked like a real grp yest. all wore grey n black. hahaha, too bad we didnt' hav our digi cams with us. darn..
anyway was watching american idol. boy can jasmine trias sing.. not as excellent as her prev performance last wk. it totally blew me off. imagine tt's some 17yr old girl singing with such powerful stuff. very pretty girl too. so cute. hahaha.. sound like some lesbian. but yeah, no guys to look at in american idol so heck the guys! camille is cool too! too bad, everytime i start watching, it's always after she sings. dammit..
ok i'm some reality show freak. so it's gonna be terrible not to watch everyth on tv now. and there're loads of better shows on.
hahha listening to black eye peas on net radio now. oh man, this is my mktg project commercial starting song! hahaha quite funny lah, too think we even thot of making a commercial when our's is a mktg project. hmm...

this is it. officially no life, juz work. no idea why i'm super lethargic nowadays. unlike last time when i still can be awake and hyper at 12midnite. now i juz concuss when it strikes 12. machiam like cinderella's pumpkin and little horsemen.
i hate accounts. so difficult. keep trying to read, but the moment i see the trial bal i juz blank out. no idea where to start frm n what to do. shucks. i think i'm gonna flung or do badly this sem. what the heck..

pissed, irritated, frustrated, sick of work, impatient. this is what i am now. so much to do n i've only got so little time. argh! how i wish i can survive with as little sleep as possible. but knowing i'm sucha pig, it is highly highly impossible. i'll juz drop dead once my adrenaline sinks.
and it stinks cuz altho i've got broadband, it's taking so super long to dl some file from my friend! i wanted to get away frm my comp after continuous typing of my report but now i'm stuck here waiting for it to finish. what the hell is fast speed supposed to mean? i've been sitting here for so long and it's only a miserable 17%! wah lau, i don't even know if i shld juz leave this on and get away first.
argh, so many things to do. wish i can split myself up into two to do everyth. and my little horrible, useless brain isn't helping when i try to read my acct notes. gross..
i'm gonna be grouchy for the next few days until i'm done with all these work n watch movie with my parents. oh not forgetting fish n co. i so wanna eat it now.
shucks, frustration makes me eat more n more. what a bad habit..

hmm marketing project's getting more exciting. quite a bit of work when it comes to discussing n writing the report. but yah i think it's great! hahha being very thick skinned but yah i think quite fun doing it. nice mix of ppl in the grp too. wonder what will my lazy tutor seow kok boon say but yah.. at least we did our part already.
shucks, hav been more enthu abt my mktg than acct test. see how i die a horrible death on thurs.. oh who cares, we're gonna eat fish n co tt day! hahhaha.... makan again. tt's my life now: building a big kingdom around my tummy. hahha..

hmm the wkend's here and i'm not the least excited. terrible premonition abt the wk to come. anyway my only excitement now is listening to yy's alanis morisette cd. super cool. all written by herself. not like some factory-produced band stuff. this is solid. under rug swept sounds a bit sad. it's as tho she's jaded abt like, kena ditched and getting back at him. ahahha quite funny. but yeah this is what music n songs shld be- what you really feel like saying; not what ppl wanna hear.

-drown in music-

holiday.. i need a break. dreaming of paradise like the carribean islands, maldives, mauritius, bali. even redang, nearer to singapore, is ok for me. juz chill out by the beach and soak in the sun. was sunny today, to the extent of being super humid n hot, but i was doing project sch. no swimming and no running. anyway i'm not a water person so no swimming's quite ok for me. cheryl stone's "soak up the sun" in my head now. maybe i'll visit my own little sunny island when i concuss.

plane leaving for paradise island..

horrible wk. fm essay, marketing project and accounting test. what a combi. fm essay's killing me cuz i've got no idea what to write. and i juz dug my own grave by helping my grp mate choose some super dry topic. hai.. how so darn guilty tt i actually said it was easy. oh drats.. marketing's still manageable lah. hahah hope i don't start talking very fast again n mumble jumble during presentation.

argh, juz get over next week and i'll be watching movie wtih my parents! haha gospel of john. no exciting movie. didn't really wanna watch it, but my friend made me get a tix frm church. and my parents got a tix for me too: to watch with the family. hmm, stuck with extra tix now. see how lah, maybe someone in church wanna watch it. oh boy, really wanna watch so many other movies.. i'm still thinking of whether i shld smuggle me n my friend to watch monster. haha ellie's favourite charlize theron. another addition to his list.. hahha

argh so sian. so bored at home, so i'm rotting in fal. boring place with boring ppl like me. yuck.
anyway juz changed the blog template, but still looking for a really nice one. hmm not really my style, juz thot the pic was nice. waiting for inspiration. heh heh

sermon was funny today. pastor cheng huat was really crackin strange jokes. it even tickled pastor graham! boy, u seldom see him laugh the way he did today. anyway was talking abt how we are like agents for christ in this world. juz as satan sends his spies into the world to gather his army, it's the same as what it's like in infernal affairs. sending a worm to be undercover in the police force- tt's judas who was amongst the 12 disciples and eventually betrayed jesus. then the 12 disciples, and disciples of christ in general, is like agents for God- sent to the world to influence and infiltrate. jeesh, great comparison rite. anyway back to what pastor cheng huat said, jesus knew tt judas and peter would deny him and judas would eventually betray his master, yet it was how things were supposed to be. when peter drew his sword to cut off malchus' right ear, jesus didn't deliberately stop it (not to say he's evil n likes to see ears droppin off) but it was so tt jesus could perform a miracle b4 the hordes of ppl out to catch him, but healing malchus' ear with his touch. amazing rite?

our minds are juz so finite, we can't comprehend everything tt's written in the bible. no matter how hard we study it, read commentaries, attend seminars. even bible scholars can't explain every single thing. and i'm not troubled by it. that's the way our marvellous God works- if He wasn't greater than us, then He isn't our Master. the day when i get to heaven, i'll hav loads of questions to ask Him, and i'll hav an eternity to ask and be awed all over again.

lauguages are sucha wonderful thing. was on the train n i saw this trio of french ppl. boy, they way they speak. soooo cool! it's so natural. of course rite, they're french. anyway there was this chinese guy, looks like one of the actors in this french show yamakasi. fantastic show tt's really funny. definitely beats tt boring french taxi i watched with the rugby girls. hahah we all slept soon after tt. sudden urge to learn french. hahha maybe not as elective cuz gotta take exams but maybe juz listen n pick up? hahha fat hope, how to learn juz like tt?

we'll see, maybe i'll get to know a french and haahhaha pick it up there.

lost in translation: one of the many many movies i wanted to catch but hmm i lost it. hahah no lah, my friends postponed it again?! this is the 2nd time lor. argh... and i thot my list of movies i want to watch would be shorter today. haiyah!
hmm shld i ask those jurong ppl to watch with me? let's see lah. then again i'll probably go home after class, which ends sooo late!

exams not too far frm now and i'm still in my slacking mode. spent so much time idling and creating excuses for myself to slack. qinlei, haha i can really compete with you for the slackers club president! =) oh well, lemme slack for a while more. will study when i've got the inspiration.

afternoon classes sucks, i wanna sleep n sleep. don't go to sch. and juz chill at home with my cds playing n playing..

stuck in some computer lab in skool in sucha dreaded wet day. this explains how i feel on the first day of skool after the recess week. drats...

anyway haven't don't much work over the hols, but i've been thinkin abt lotsa stuff. met up with a couple of friends and yeah listened to her complain abt work, abt having her just-over-quarter life crisis. man, she hasn't even started a family and it's getting to her.

got me thinking, what's the purpose of our existence here? our purpose in life? to achieve material needs and build a name or legacy for ourselves? some say no, we live life to the fullest. what the heck, what's tt supposed to mean? agree with me or not, we are mere pawns in this world. subject to the kind of drone and grind of our system. lofty ambitions, boy, u've gotta really reconsider. yeah everyone wants to achieve something different with their lives, but hey we can't run away frm the standards set by the world. call me cynical, but tt's who i am.

my once big dreams of being so many things, hav juz been a memory behind my mind. professional tennis player, interior designer, child doctor, neurosurgeon, even my latest: setting up my own little shop for people to chill out, complete with live band jaming. maybe my practical self convinced my dreamy side tt all these are juz aims, difficult or even unpractical in this world. the least joy i get is tt i once dared to tell people confidently what my dreams were, regardless of whether i took action.

on a lighter note, my mom told me my calves were fat. hahah unproportionate was the word she used. *argh,mom how can u say tt abt ur daughter?* i can't believe she told me this, but hey at least she was honest abt it. fear not, i still love my mom LOTS. cheers mom!

trista n ryan's wedding- man, it was so expensive. but hey cool, the set was so nice. better remove all the pink! too much is too awful! yeah the place was really nice. oh the flower girls n the little page boy were the stars man.. so cute! hmm trista didn't look good, but who cares since ppl wld be looking at the better looking groom! hahha wensi, i bet u were also drooling last nite rite. hahhaa..

gd gd this yr, the wedding craze has stopped. not so many friends getting married. hahha... there's one lah, juz my neighbour. hmm i don't look forward to attending it cuz the bride is not friendly. everytime i see her around, she gives me some forced smile. argh.. gd lah, juz one wedding to attend before the cycle starts again next yr- cx3 n pei fen! hai, i'll go broke juz attending weddings..

oh man.. i'm a total moroon. qinlei told me how to change the tag board colour thing n hahha i tried. but somehow i can't see all previous messages! argh! sorry gals, the msgs are gone.. drats..

anyway to qinlei's msg: hahha yeah don't be shocked when i use tt word. i juz control my tongue when i'm pissed, juz in case i spurt it out. haha u get what i mean

anyway back to my crisis- how am i gonna get this done rite? hhhaa....

check out christina aguilera's "beatutiful" mtv. kinda gross when u watch it, all amoral stuff. kinda sad cuz it really shows what the world is like. all fucked up and messy. but tt's the truth. we live in a complicated world. it won't get better but this is what we've gotta know. it's during such times when man feels small n lost tt religion comes to deliver n liberate. thank God tt i'm certain of where i stand in this.

felt tt the video really matched the song. very well done in the sense tt it drove the meaning behind the song. right smack-in-ya-face kinda msg but it's strong. within tt few short minutes, many issues were covered. strongly encourage u to chk it out, provided u're mature enuff not to be screwed up n affected after watching it.

met up with my pals n yeah caught up a bit. as usual, wensi made this comment "mag, u really shld've stayed at smu. it's the right environment for u" sometimes when she makes this comment, i really wonder abt my decision to withdraw frm the early admission. wld i be better off at smu? no one knows. probably it was God's divine plan for me to be in ntu. but i don't really know abt it now. juz living each day as it comes. no aim, nothing really exciting to look forward too.

turning 20 this yr. what's to be 5yrs down the road? 10 yrs? 20 yrs? it's a scary thought. gonna be sucked into the working world ekking out a living. juz like ah ye, she said no pt worrying abt attachments. u're gonna be working the rest of ur life. what's 2 or 3mths of internship? starting thinking abt ur life. what do u wanna achieve? earn big bucks? enjoy life as it comes? john once asked me this, what do u wanna be remembered for when u die? what do u want to hav carved on ur tombstone? what kinda tribute will ppl pay to you? are u sure u juz wanna be remembered as a person who achieved a lot in ur career? i'd rather not. don't care what ppl say, as long as i've lived a life with ppl i love ard me, it doesn't matter if i'm not a high achiever.

gross. i'm having a bad hairday today. juz cut my hair n here i am sitting in free access lab waiting for my grpmates to finalize my mktg presentation. argh! like hum chim pang. so round. drats, so ugly n villager-like.

i need a cap to cover up!

yest was the finals. i guess u cld juz read chock's blog to get the gist of what happened. muz say i didn't play my best. my defense sucked totally. and got a breakthru but didn't hav the speed to finish it off. i stopped to look for my wingers and ended up getting touched. even wensi n steph asked why i slowed down so much. shit, i cld hav nailed it in 7-8 instead of 6-8 as it is now. but yah nus deserved it totally. gelled better as a team. sth i thot we lacked is team bonding. after the game, everyone juz split up and sat ard separately. not like a team at all. quite bad actually. but yah i take joy in knowing the ppl, and becoming closer to chock n yiwen.

tmr's another round of games. i'm juz looking fwd to meeting n playing with my babes and having a hell of a time. gosh, it's been so long since i've seriously played and met up with the girls. you girls really make my day all the time! i juz smile when i see u all. so far, i still can't really find a big grp of ppl like all of u. miss u ah! *muack*

was reading ah lian's blog. hahah u one rocker! i like ur attitude and entries. cool! hahha nice page, but yah really small words lor. my eyes will spoil juz reading ur blog. heh heh

hahha was watching trista n ryan's wedding. okok i know it's so bimbotic of me to watch it. but yah, at least wensi's watching it with me. yeah, my buddy and partner in supporting ryan! hahaa.. so weird to think tt this is shown on tv. wedding leh.. oh who cares, it's entertainment for us. ok i shldn't gush abt ryan cuz wensi's the only one who agrees with me. not even my best friend in church. she likes charlie (if u're a bachelorette/ bachelor fan, u'll know who i'm talkin abt) haha great, i absolutely know what kinda person she likes. hahha pkg, i'll look out for them in ntu for u! hahha but then hor, i doubt u can even find any close to tt. cuz hahah, erm all very very cheena!!! hahhaa okok, i better shuddup n stop insulting ntu

cool.. i juz downloaded the linkin park mtv for somewhere i belong. wah super clear on my comp. not bad huh? ahhaha finally can use broadband to dl sth. too bad i dunno how to include song or video files here. can't share with all of u. but hey this is one damn cool band! too bad they aren't performing locally. hahah then again, i can't find anyone to go with me. haha prob ellie. oh yes, i'm still waiting for his live linkin park vcd!!!

check this out: www.linkinpark.com (the coolest website after jamiroquai n jars of clay sites)

hmm maybe qinlei can teach me how to add video or song tracks. haha all 3 albums kinda fit my blog image. hahhaa.. feeling rocker today

oh if u wanna see some linkin park lookalike. go to church of our saviour. there's this ang moh in the band, plays guitar n synth i think. haha got the same pattern as the vocalist who wears those arty farty black plastic specs. geeky looking type. hahhaa.. but yah not bad. the band is gd. worship's gd too!

i'm so proud of chock! man she scored a fabulous try yest! boy u shld hav seen it. was the best move of the day man.. wah i felt so happy for her tt i was juz stunned for a moment. cool! the adrenaline rush for scoring..
hmm looks like everyone in the team has scored at least once. and i haven't even breaked thru. nvm, i'll hav my little goal of juz breaking thru then giving for someone to finish off. hahah wensi, jieren n steph, u guys muz lemme break thru u all. fulfill my small small wish! heh heh..
chock, well done! (my index fingers up like we always immitate coach)

watched last samurai with my friends last nite. wah, i didn't expect tt i wld like sucha movie. very gd in terms of acting n storyline (altho tom cruise shld hav died in the end but yah they juz wanna preserve the main charac) the samurai leader (whatever his name is) is so zai! he looks juz like the rock (wonder if it's still zhimin's type) very cool n fierce lookin.
i guess i liked the show cuz despite all the machoness of war n stuff, they also showed the fragile n human side of cruise n the jap chap. their conversations were so personal altho they were enemies. cool! the jap chap also acted in their village comedy stuff- very cute cuz it's a diff side of this lord portrayed to his ppl.
oh not forgetting taka, the female lead. she really looks like gong li. but so much prettier. very oriental look but classic. she acted well too. the sorrowful look n controled tearing. oh her eldest son is soooo cute! hahaha tt little boy was my other favourite.

the samurai order - HONOUR

wah i juz rushed thru my mktg article analysis presentation. didn't know what i was blabbering abt in my notes for the presentation. juz try to smoke. but man, i'm very brain dead. acct tutorial was enuff to kill me. took some precious 3hrs juz to do 3qns. cld hav watched tv man! but yah, i'm really slow...
gimme a break!!! so many presentations coming up... argh....

learnt alot frm bible study n sermon over the wkend. everything juz spoke to me n taught me one big lesson: love the unlovable

colossians 3:12-13
therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do

not easy to do, but reminder that we have to strive to it. takes lotsa effort n humility to love one tt's unlovable.

sermon also taught on how our hearts shld be. the sun that hardens clay, melts butter. clay n butter are elements exposed to the sun. but each react in a vastly different manner. do i want to be the clay or the butter?

competition and envy are destructive. yields man against man, brother against brother. our pride gets swollen when we see others better than ourselves. so we compete to be better. when we lose, we become envious. in turn devising excuses and false claims to butter up our egos. we complain agst each other. but as Christ forgave us, so we muz do also. and i'm learning along the way

as john the baptist was the best man to the bridesgroom (jesus), he decreased himself to increase jesus. all to reconcile the bride (israel) and groom (jesus) decreasing oneself brings along the puncturing of our well-padded egos and self-image. how easy it is to say to be humble but yet hard to put ourselves down. doesn't juz relate to jesus and us, but also how we relate with one another. b4 we forgive, we hav to decrease ourselves b4 our adversaries. to forgive and forget.

a lesson frm a close friend: we don't need to worry if we hav God, so a life that cannot be destroyed is very visible for all to see. cheerio ellie!

she bangs she bangs.. oh baby cuz she moves she moves.. lalalla....
hahha william hung. the biggest thing internationally. he reached his peak even faster than all previous american idols like kelly clarkson, rubben studdard and clay aiken..

this guy's got his own 'style' man! check out the cutsie blue tee, tucked in so tightly (reminds me of the old times when ah lians tucked in their sch blouses) and tt chain on his pants (some effort in creating the idol image) hahaha...
kinda cute, but obviously not the idol type.

we've got claymates after nerdo-turned-idol aiken, why not hav some 'hungsters' after william hung? cool rite.. hahhaha...
okok, i don't wanna insult aiken cuz he's got a really good voice. in fact, he shld duet with rubben (mr barry white jr)

treat ppl sincerely, don't be a hyprocrite and act nice. u can try to be nice, but save that act.
i can't imagine how ppl can try to be nice one moment and at the back, all the claws are out
be sincere to ppl and i'm sure it'll be reciprocrated

haven't been feeling too great lately. a bit jaded abt stuff. so probably i sound like some total bitch. but yah, if not for those ppl who listen to me complain and complain, i'll really burst out having to bottle all of tt. a couple of things hav been buggin me but yah.. taming my tongue. something tt i've tried very hard to control. so far so gd, but it almost popped outta my mouth that day. thank goodness i juz shut up in time.

wah i really sound like some irritating loser today. better shuddup or i'll really be a bitch.
apologies for the b-word

oversensitivity: what does it mean to you?
is it bad? no, cuz if u're not sensitive then you're as hard as a rock and oblivious to your surrounds
is it gd? no, cuz u'll be overly paranoid and troubled by foolish thoughts
moderation is always the key, as it always goes, but where in tt spectrum is the optimum?
-you tell me-

yoohoo! finally got broadband today. signed up and haha got this mobile voucher. hahah i hope i can use it to change a phone! ahhaha then again, muz see if my parents wanna use it. bet my bros are gonna be greeeeen with envy. hahah u're stuck with ur nokia phones buddy!

hmm got some ppl buggin me abt how's life in ntu. what can i say, it's so cheena and i can't believe i'm really sucked into it. used to be quite a kentang, but now i can juz mumble jumble in chinese! hahaha.. oh they also did ask the ever gossip-churner question: my love life. Hahahah what am i supposed to say man? I enjoy all the freedom I have now and i don't think i'm ready lah. Ok, this is to tell all u ppl who might ask me this stupid qn so yah. Now you know my answer. Hahahha i don't even hav time to myself nowadays, being stretched in school, cca and even in church. So many things, so little time. Yah, all of u.. Don't ask me already!!!!

hahahha this ugly hideous page has finally gotten a face lift! all thanks to dinko.. hahha.... u bet i'm one heeugeee idiot at this..
crazy, come to skool so early to do this kinda dumb thing. then again if not i'll be sleeping at home. the weather is really great to snooze.. drats, training later in the muddy n dirty field. gonna be soggy n wet again.. gross.... haha sound so bimbotic. but i really cant stand it. being dirty, muddy n smelly is juz not me! hahha....

haha so funny.. yanyi n qinlei are actually shocked tt i've got a blog. hmm is there some personality attached to bloggers?? ahhaha dunno...
man i had my mktg n acct tutorials today. wah i haven't seen so lame tutors. hahah quite entertaining lah, but hmm don't really appear professional. then again, can't judge juz like tt. but yah.. this sem, all the tutors are strange. yet to find a tutor i like as compared to tt china man last sem. hahah china man was naggy but super gd at explaining n teaching stuff outside of the course. tutors, listen up! don't hav to intro so much of ur life. eh i doubt anyone's really interested. but ok lah, give u credit for trying to make it interesting n personal. hahah okok i shan't be so cynical n mean..
we'll see. haha probably i'm wrong abt all these

chinese new year! hahah tho not exactly my favourite holiday, but well i do enjoy the goodies. hahah eat n eat, ma chiam like a pig. everyone in my family's sick so i'll probably be next in line. supposed to like control my mouth but eh it ain't working. anyway, happy new year to everyone!

had a terrible day on friday. training was horrid. i did everything tt could possibly go wrong. so yah kena some kinda scolding too. but could take it lah, altho i really wanna get outta the team now. sob.. it ain't like being screamed at by my team mates. at least we understand each other n yah still hav a great time together bonding. chock is really gd, at least she understands stuff. she's much faster than me. so go for it, chock! =)

juz caught mona lisa smile with rou n qinlei on tues. man it's a great show. not ur typical show with some dramatic storyline tt builds up to a climax. juz a nice show tt's mild all the way. great performance by roberts n the girls. haha but what i remembered most is tt nerdy chap who dated one of the girls. man, his glasses are soooo dated! hahah 3 of us were juz laughin at him! but yeah, thot it was a great show with like nice theme!!! oh the soundtrack sounds faaaantastic! so classic.. if u haven't watched it, u better do! hahah then again, i think it's more like a girly show to watch with ur girl pals instead of ur mates

had trg yest evening and boy am i unfit! was panting n panting after juz a little run.. hmm actually i didn't even wanted to go for selections. was persudaded by chock n yiwen lor. well not sure if it's sth to be happy or not, but chock n i made it to the 14, which will be reduced to the final 12 later. guess it's quite confirmed tt i'm going out when they choose the 12, and i'm kinda happy abt it! hahha cuz i don't think i'm driven like i was last time to really compete well.. but hey i'll definitely go watch n hahah 'spy' on my friendsin nus n smu. wensi, jieren, shaqi steph watch out! hahahhaa....

oh man, tmr's the start of a new sem... hmm wonder how it'll be like this sem. heard it's very tiring so eh wonder if i can make it lah.. but i'm already looking fwd to the june hols. hahah it's a long long holiday!

ok ok to all the poor souls out there who's studying, all the best for the new academic year!

went to hang out with ruth on wed. wah, it was great juz hanging out with her. laughing abt stupid things. took some funny photos (obviously i hav no idea how to put it on the blog) yah, so nice hanging out with her after so long man. you rock, ruth!

also went out with my crescent friends yest. wah, everyday after ge exam is like meeting ppl. yah, also had much laughter with them. but aiyoh roujun was late! man, it's juz her super bad habit. but yah we're all used to it now. also learnt how to play pool. but what the heck. i really really suck at it. broke the record of hitting the white ball n had it jump off the pool table. how bad can u get....

hols are ending soon! ahhhh...... man, my advice to everyone out there is NEVER to take electives during hols. it kills ur holidays. yah, unless u really cant clear ur electives. gee, tmr's ge exam and i'm still taking it easy. then again, i really cant be bothered abt it leh. juz cant kick myself to start muggin for it. gross..

man, my bros hav been busting the internet time so i haven't been putting anyth here for a long time. well today's the first day of sch for many. luckily ntu starts on the 12th. but anyway, i still hav ge to think abt. yucks, it's holidays n here i am trying to finish reading. juz the same old lazy me who hates reading, so i'm really procrastinating. gee, i hope i can manage to scrape a pass for ge. hahha sounds so horrible rite, taking exams during last wk of hols. loser...

anyway, grandpa's in sgh becuz of a swollen left leg. doc said it's bad but yet to take x-ray to see what is the actual cause. whatever it is, hope he's well soon. kinda scary cuz he's diabetic, so chances of serious infection is high. so pls pray along with my family for gramps.

christmas.. what do we do? get busy buying presents n gifts? i admit i'm another helpless person who's falling for all these frenzy.

was on the cab last saturday, heard over the radio abt ppl who hate christmas becuz it's a holiday for the rich. i was wondering if it's really true? sounds cynical, but there's some truth in what tt person said. this is harsh but this is how we are like as carnal ppl.

maybe there's no Christ in tt person to feel warmth n gladness other than receiving nicely wrapped presents. always wondered if yz could get together during christmas to cook n distribute food at shelter for the homeless. like those u see in tv dramas.

remember i onced visited an orphanage while carolling as a kid. my first time in an orphanage. can still rem the look of the kids. blank eyes and crying babies being held by other orphans barely older than them. but they lit up when we played with them. it was great!

so what's christmas? another holiday n festive season? another time to gather with family around the dinner table with stuffed turkey? maybe u shld look at ppl around u

serching for you - hillsongs
i can't believe the way
your love has got a hold of me
each morning i wake to find you near
you lift me above my fears
and set my feet on solid ground
all of my days belong to you

and i breathe in your breath of life that fills my heart
you are my all consuming fire

i stand here before you
in wide-opened wonder
amazed at the glory of you
the power of heaven
reavealing your purpose in me
as i'm reaching for you

argh! long hair is so hot n irritating! gonna snip it off soon. hmm wanna try those super cool short crops. but eh it totally failed last time when i was in sec n jc. hahha for those who saw me then, u know what i'm saying. probably trim it, but not gonna keep long hair lah. pls, i'm not tt girlie. heh heh..

ops! sorry, sound so shallow n bimbotic today. but yah had trg juz now n tt stupid hair's getting in the way even after i tied it up. hahah oh, i look like ur typical huang lian po when i hav long hair. hahhahaa.....

jingle jingle bells.. yesh! finally christmas! my favourite holiday of the year. gonna invite my jc friends to church. wonder if they can make it for the musicale. then again, i hope it isn't gonna be disappointing like the one i last invited joce n cheese during easter.

presents!! hmm what shld i give my friends? cant possibly bake again. hahah my baking sucks. so poor pkg had2 eat my hard cookies tt had too much coco powder last time. ops sorry babe!

the weather has been really really cold lately. my house is almost air-conditioned 24/7. which is actually great cuz it's really nice to sleep in. hahha maybe it explains why i am sleep so often lately.

anyway, was juz thinking of what i'll be like in 5yrs time. hahah one of my friends said they may consider getting married 5yrs frm now. oh man, it's actually scary cuz they're even thinking abt it now?! gosh! hahah but well it's more the guy thinking of it than the girl. she even complains tt it's too early. hahha poor chap. so what's the ideal age then? hmm i wonder. but at this mo, who cares!

have been going out with my mom n bros for the past couple of days. not bad lah, has been a while since we all went out (other than the forever boring jurong pt) hahah told my mom going out of jurong to town or whatever is like country mouse going to meet city mouse. hahha.. me n my dumb comparisons

hmm my bro's downloading this new game gunbound. some lan game. and my internet is still the antique 56kbps. so this is taking eons! but it's quite a cute game, kind of like worms but cuter n it involves humans. hahha no some tiny worm. i'll juz look at my bros play. doubt i can make it at these games. duh..

hai so sad. my doggie rai was adopted by an indian family yest. i wasn't even home to see him cuz i was out in town. apparently my bros cried. but anyway hope rai's in a gd family n tt his skin prob's treated fast. rai rai, hav fun with the other 3 dog-friends there. don't bully them or pounce on them like u always do. =)

too bad i dunno how to post rai's pic here.. oh well, as usual i dunno lots of things. hahha

hey wanna say a big big thankew to all u yz rookies! pkg, amy, joe, lixian, nat, suye, shiwei, vien n fion! man u guys really fed me with so much chocs.. haha but i enjoyed every bit of it! hmm as i'm typing this, i'm also savouring ah xian's chocs. man, it is sinful but gee it's heavenly! hahah okok maybe i might consider working out sometime soon. till then, i'm off for dinner with vien n the gang later (again) hahha! happy 19th birthday vien!

hmm interesting elective class today. we watched mad city, starring dustin hoffman and john travolta. not your regular light hearted and easy going movie. neither is it some action flick. but kinda cool show with lotsa stuff to look into and think about. guess the main and most obvious thing going on is how mass media like goes outta control n stuff. not bad, very gd acting by travolta too.

haha muz be wondering what the heck am i doing in school when i shld be like celebrating rite. geez, i'm sucha nice student. ahhaha aiyah actually i juz wanted to finish watching the show cuz it was shown yest during class lah. hahah caught u there did i? oh man, i'm gonna eat again tonite with my pals. die, ate yest, eating today n tmr again. such feasting is bad on my already growing belly. gross! but yah it's fun lah, hanging out with friends and all. love all u chummies! *muack*

qinlei, hav fun in cambodia! hahah guess i've got no choice but believe u are there lah. hahah so snag some rustic and mysterious cambodian n bring him back so that u can continue ur story in class tt u've got cambodian blood yah! hahahha...

also to pkg, thanks so much for being sucha dear friend. love ya lots! thanks for everything too! hav fun job hunting babe! *slimey muack* heh heh heh

oh to the 2 fellas out in some jungle in brunei, u guys look after urself hor! see u when u're back for christmas! thanks for the wishes too!

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

my favourite song.. hmm here's another one frm linkin park

(when this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(so what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[repeat chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I’ll find myself today

[repeat chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

oh man, it's christmas n i'm gonna be santa's new rudolph the red nosed reindeer. stupid zit! haha this sounds bimbotic but yeah man, it's absolutely disgusting. future chemists listen up, come up with some formula tt can work wonders overnite n i'm sure it'll be a hit! i'll be ur first customer, no matter what the price..

weee!!! ruth and yam are coming back! man finally get to see em after a long long time. wonder how they are like now.. sometimes i wonder if i can take it looking after myself overseas and being totally independent. but someday i really wanna go abroad to live for an extended period. see the world n different ppl. stretch myself to the limits. hmm but at the mo, sad to say i'm still mommy n daddy's girl. haha.. i need my family n friends around me!