human feelings are a complex thing that is so dynamic and ever-changing. i'm a living example. in the morning, i was irritated with my dad telling me how mass comm isn't as good as accountancy. gosh, i've heard it a million times frm him. it's the same old story and rationale for them encouraging me to take accountancy. for goodness sake, i already am in accountancy and i'm not planning to take mass comm! ahhhh..... i almost suffocated in the car seat having to hear this yet again. God bless my eardrums. usually i take a stance to support mass comm and that choice of study shouldn't be for practical commercial-value reasons but for the essence of personal learning. funny how i believe in all these but yet i took accountancy in the beginning with not much personal enthusiasm. but whatever it is, the debate with my dad lasted until i reached CS block (thank goodness it only started at the junction before NTU, so it wasn't such a long long ride, tho i would hope it was much shorter)

along came my work with photoshop. again. bleah. i hate it! so here's the mix of feelings. altho my 'dream' is to take comm studies, but everytime i do those tedious work in CS, i really see no point to all those detailed work that takes hours at one go just to achieve something that looks a teeny weeny bit different from the original. that's when i really hate CS and am totally averse to it. yucks! how can someone sit in front of a computer all day just to do some menial job editing? i'm only doing pictures. how about those doing videos or sound editing? gosh, it's so inefficient! knowing the impatient side of me, i can't take it when we keep editing some minor thing that doesn't seem to make a difference because it is impossible (or at least unachieveable to a person who isn't trained in such photoshop or whatever stuff) and i thot we were done with all the photoshop issues. they keep diggin up new things to do with photoshop when we have already settled and accepted whatever that was done.

bleah, my mood is horrible now and i hope meeting the ruggrats will make my day. supposed to drop by sim lim again to change my thumb drive, but i'm not sure if i can make it now. then again, should i even go? was the problem i experienced with my sleek looking thumb drive a real prob or just my com? i really like how it looks, but really, looks are deceiving. it doesn't really match up in features. hurmph, too bad i'm not able to afford the sony, imation or iomega version that looks all-so-cool. but anyway thanks qinlei for accompanying me there! if you weren't there, i'd probably be lost at sim lim tower, haven't even reach sim lim square. hohoho...

haven't been blogging for ages. just had enuff of computers. anyway christmas was ok. finally got transferred frm the chinese to english congregation. it's been 5years since i was baptised. guess chinese congregation was just for my grandparents to witness the baptism. totally no connection with the chinese congregation. so together with uncle richard and another thai guy, we were transferred. yeah! oh that also means i've gotta attend EOGM next time. bleah..

haven't been moving my muscles throughout the entire holiday. i'm turning into a blob of fats, full of lethargy. esp my ever growing belly. yucks!

went to kbox with my uncle, aunt, grandma and mom yesterday. gosh, it was all the oldies! hahah.. not like i'm an avid singer, but i can recall tunes in my head. so it was a session of learning oldies and having my goosebumps stand at the sight of the awful so called mtvs. who would ever wanna take a mtv with a couple posing around the ancient village in sentosa?? check out those fake 'ooo look into my eyes' type of face. hahaha hilarious! i'll go for original mtvs anytime. but yeah, my mom's side of the family loves to sing. it's a common thing they do. so the boys just go gaming in the meantime. and i'm stuck (again). ron suggested that i pick up counter strike so that i can join em. hahhaah that's a big joke man. how can i play cs? i'm so retarded when it comes to such strategy computer games. well, for now. i don't mind sitting in the room and laughing at those ugly mtvs..

computers slice both ways. it can make your life a breeze, and at the same time wreck it just cause we're all so dependent on it. unless you're a real urban hermit, it's unlikely that you don't need some IT in your life. for tech idiots like me (IT for dummies totally don't help) anytime your 'trustie' computer burns, you're suffering frm worse burns than the comp. i'm already having 3rd degree burns frm being stripped of a working computer. what i'm having now is a totally substandard one. i just bought the comp like less than a yr ago. darn compaq!

the other day, my mom was mentioning that she saw this sony robot on tv (whatever name it's called) and it could move almost like a human! call it some big step in human invention, but the truth is it's also a sign that we're a step closer to having robots so human like that bicentenial man might not be fiction anymore. scary thought. i wouldn't wanna interact with a robot in that manner. i'm old fashioned in this sense. i like real human contact.

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went to evan's granny's wake yesterday with uncle richard and my dad. ellie, i really admire your gramps. he's one fiercely independent senior. if i've got a hat on now, i'll tip it to him (too bad i'm not into hats. i look odd in it) uncle richard's still driving at his age (think he's 80), taking photos, looking after himself and reading the Bible without any glasses!!! and little hannah mok treats uncle richard as a gd friend. hahha ain't it so cute?

thought of my jc mates when i was listening to the cd wei kit burned for me on my way to sch today. really wonder how everyone's doing. guess we were not exactly a very close knit bunch. weiliang, lyris, joce, zhimin, ruth, jac, wei kit, wai mun. ruth's back, so it'll be nice to catch up with the whole lot together. ruth, so msg me when u're free k? i bet everyone's queuing up to go out with u since u're back frm aussie. hahah.. and don't tell me you're getting fat again. u always look the same anyway. hee..

have been wanting to post pictures on the blog. but knowing my very limited knowledge of tech stuff, i doubt it'll be up. oh well, i'll just stick to the traditional way of having them in copies for my album. it's more nostalgic this way also. can't imagine myself having to 'flip' my album on a computer. seems so harsh and unpersonal. till i figure out how to do web hosting for photos, my blog is entirely words. boring rite.

it's back to work soon. bleah. i hope stella's pretest goes fine and i didn't ruin anything for her. ops..

it's been tiring the past couple of days. learnt how to use photoshop when i was editing stuff for stella. taught by louis. he's kinda irritating at times, but ok lah. attention seeker, so he can get on ppl's nerves a bit. his saving grace is tt he taught me photoshop. haha, i sound so practical.

anyway just watched band aid twenty's "do they know it's christmas" nice song with a star studded band. what's more touching is the purpose for this band aid twenty formation. doing something for the famine in ethiopia. we live in such an unbalanced world. some countries are fighting the battle against the flabs, while others are fight the war on malnutrition and famine. it's a sorrowful state that our world is so unfair. it kind of boils down to where you were born into. if you're living in upstate manhattan or paris, good for you. but what if you're born in the rural states of africa? sometimes i wonder why God allows such things to happen. it's definitely for a purpose. the question is what purpose is it? a lesson for the world? a punishment for the wrongs done by their forefathers? we won't actually know till we ask God personally.

i'm not really all that garang, but sometimes i do have off the track dreams. serving as a youth on dulos, travelling to africa to help build schools. some of my dreams. wonder if i'll ever muster the courage to step out of my comfort zone to get there now. it's ok, i'm contented to have them rest in my mind as an illusive dream.

www.bandaid20.com/

camp was fabulous. the camp comm was great! boy it's really nice to be a camper. refreshing change. God was great. He held the clouds and provided the sun and nice weather. but my lousy skin didn't pick up any tan. sorry me. sorta got used to it (altho i hate to admit tt i can never get a sunburn)

my grp was interesting. had a nice time talking to charles and druce. finally signs of druce growing up. probably he has already grown up, just tt we never realized it till now. or at least for me. charles is a smart ass. very mature for his age. but what strikes me most is his understanding of profound truths even when he ain't from a christian family. amazing eh?

well bday fell during camp and as expected i got dunked. actually i didn't really expect it to come cuz it happened at night, and i thought i was gonna be spared of any tricks. haha.. but silly me didn't realize tt as long as the day hadn't ended, there was still a chance of being tua. kena dunked into the salty waters of sentosa and ate the super delicious cake in my wet clothes. anyway, thanks to everyone man! esp pkg and the girls. *muack* i'm still trying to fit into the sandals. but chances are tt i can't make any progress making my feet smaller, so i've gotta change the size soon. nonetheless, thanks peeps!

i'm a total wuss when it comes to night trails. my biggest fears combined: to be alone in the dark, and it's in the forrest. oh man! i was already freaked out before it all started. pride got the better of me and i thought i might as well give it a shot to overcome my fear. so i went unpaired down tt scary trail. eee... goosebumps... way before the trail, i already had some little taste of being in the dark. was in the toilet bathing with the girls just before midnight. we were happily bathing and chatting when THE LIGHTS WENT OFF! shiwei and i just screamed our lungs out. ahh, how to bathe in the dark?? what happened? hurriedly try to wash any soap off and got out of the toilet asap. never in my life have i bathed so quickly. hair still damp with some conditioner and dashed out. conclusion: don't bathe at the toilet near tanjong beach after midnight, lights are off automatically.

back to night trail. by the middle of the stretch, i was almost a wreck. this sounds so silly and lousy, but i almost cried. luckily i was so slow in walking that ivan caught up with me. with my new night walk mate, we stumbled our way down. in the midst, we bumped into each other and also the stupid rubbish bin that was right smack in our paths. don't ever ever walk the dragon trail at night. it really gives you the creeps. you can see those white fake bones sticking out of the ground. esp the skull and ribcage. gross. when we came to the skull, ivan and i stopped momentarily. staring at it and stuck to the ground. for that split second i almost ran forward at 100km/h. eks!

night trail really made me think abt how much i relied on God. suye offered to pray for me before i started. but i was so caught up with my fear that i wanted to get it over and done with quickly. didn't pray with her then. my first mistake. down the path, all my mind was thinking of was "shit, why did i let myself do this?", "how on earth am i gonna finish this?", "what the??!! how come the journey takes so long? longer than the 15mins we were told" you get the idea. should have prayed and covered my ears to listen to my humming of praise songs. my second mistake. i've got vivid imagination, so it was so easy to picture a thousand things in my mind. instead of keeping my mind focused on God's help to lead me out, i fed my mind with those stupid thoughts. my thrid mistake.

i was so awed at my brother's comment for the night trail. he's also afraid of the dark, but it's the most memorable thing for him throughout the camp. he keeps saying how happy he is to know that God gave all of us night vision to help us get out of such lightless situations. he totally enjoyed it even though he completed half of the thing all alone (after cx3 left him halfway) sometimes the greatest lessons and enlightenment come from people you least expect. but i'm really happy my brother enjoyed the camp and learnt from these experiences. hope he finds some more friends among the older guys to stay in YZ. praying for a good DGL for him.

the camp held many firsts for me. first time setting up a tent (could hav done it in crescent but i can't rem, so i'll just take this as my first) first time walking alone in the dark (my own mini lifetime achievement award). first time getting scratches and blisters just for playing beach volley and beach touch at palawan. now my feet are in a sorry state. blisters, scratch marks etc. never used to have such serious consequences from playing at the beach. goes to show how coarse the sand at palawan is. not sure how i got my bruises on my leg either. hmm.. funny.

end of the day, camp was fun. zargo, iera, quigma & chee chee wa wa = survivors with the Saviour.

singapore idol. interesting and exciting watch. never thought singapore would be so enthusiastic and swept over by the fever. guess singaporeans are stereotyped to be so logical and uninterested in such idol worship. still, it was a great watch.

TAUFIK'S THE MAN!! versatile like a chameleon. wacks any genre dissed in his face so well. so much better than sly. don't really fancy his style. rocker's cool but it's just that. he can't do ballads and stuff. guess yesterday's show wasn't abt the vocals anymore. no questions that each have strengths in their unique voices, it was how they moved the crowd with the performance. man, i will wanna hear taufik sing with oli. ok i'm a little whammed up with the craze like some teen (oo i'm turning 20! quite sad cuz i'm out of my 10s, but yeah another phase of life again)

kind of guilty for not attending prayer service even after david personally asked us to go. torn between watching idol and corporate prayer. guess i flipped and chose idol watching. honestly, i'd be yearning to watch idol even if i was at prayer service. God, pls don't shoot me down with lightning for saying this.

anyway, it's camp later! woohooo!! i'm so looking forward to be a camper after being in the organising committee for like 3 yrs straight. it's nice to be a camper at times. just chill and enjoy. so here it goes! gabe, ur games better be fun yah. can't wait to get a tan. pls pls pls let me be burnt. i dn mind. never had a sun burn in my life anyway.

oh so update on the europe trip. wah calling all peeps who wanna go to europe in say 2006/7? still quite tentative abt the date. wensi wants to do it with her exchange in smu, which is after i graduate. meaning i'm already working. so kind of tricky how i can take 1mth leave. it was a tossup between US and europe for xiao, but i'm so bent on europe. so ended up persuading her to take her europe exchange. so anyone wanna come along? shoestring budget trip. so chill abt the cash. i'm ultra broke too. saving up in bits, but it seems such a long way to go.

singapore idol. interesting and exciting watch. never thought singapore would be so enthusiastic and swept over by the fever. guess singaporeans are stereotyped to be so logical and uninterested in such idol worship. still, it was a great watch.

TAUFIK'S THE MAN!! versatile like a chameleon. wacks any genre dissed in his face so well. so much better than sly. don't really fancy his style. rocker's cool but it's just that. he can't do ballads and stuff. guess yesterday's show wasn't abt the vocals anymore. no questions that each have strengths in their unique voices, it was how they moved the crowd with the performance. man, i will wanna hear taufik sing with oli. ok i'm a little whammed up with the craze like some teen (oo i'm turning 20! quite sad cuz i'm out of my 10s, but yeah another phase of life again)

kind of guilty for not attending prayer service even after david personally asked us to go. torn between watching idol and corporate prayer. guess i flipped and chose idol watching. honestly, i'd be yearning to watch idol even if i was at prayer service. God, pls don't shoot me down with lightning for saying this.

anyway, it's camp later! woohooo!! i'm so looking forward to be a camper after being in the organising committee for like 3 yrs straight. it's nice to be a camper at times. just chill and enjoy. so here it goes! gabe, ur games better be fun yah. can't wait to get a tan. pls pls pls let me be burnt. i dn mind. never had a sun burn in my life anyway.

oh so update on the europe trip. wah calling all peeps who wanna go to europe in say 2006/7? still quite tentative abt the date. wensi wants to do it with her exchange in smu, which is after i graduate. meaning i'm already working. so kind of tricky how i can take 1mth leave. it was a tossup between US and europe for xiao, but i'm so bent on europe. so ended up persuading her to take her europe exchange. so anyone wanna come along? shoestring budget trip. so chill abt the cash. i'm ultra broke too. saving up in bits, but it seems such a long way to go.

i just had to blog this. I'VE GOT MY HAVIANAS!!!! and it's a cool gold. can anyone beat tt? never imagine tt i'd wear sth like this. it's was a bday present frm two dearies: ROU AND VIEN! *MUACK MUACK* yeah so there was this little funny episode when rou came along with the slippers saying "princess, here's your golden slippers" boy, guess it was meant as a joke and we just tried for fun. hahha, it turned out to be the nicest pair there. yay!!! but i must say it's a tad expensive. kind of frivolous spending. so thanks a lot girls! i know it ain't cheap. feel kinda bad too.

met the crescent girls yest, so today i'm gonna meet my nj bunch. wensi, i'm coming soon! i won't be late. will leave after i blog this. see you raisin!

a bit of publicity: my youth camp's gonna be in sentosa frm 2-5dec. hey if you think zoukout's too cheesy and overly publicized, come for the camp! it'll be a head-banging time. a clean fun type of head-banging of course. we're leaving church on thurs at 1pm. so drop me a msg if you wanna come k? i'm going!

being disconnected frm the world is bad. my comp has been in and out of the house and it's terribly irritating for me. have to specially come to school to use the net. pathetic state. had in mind things to blog abt but i'll just skip them again. grr..

neville tan was fabulous! solid message man! too bad, he had to speak to the sermon topic. i would really wanna hear abt his life. it'll beat reading the book. oh btw, you guys should buy it. even if you're not a believer, it's a great read.

it's really funny how the same topic of marriage came up like 3 times during a week. funny how it came up when hello, i'm still in the club. hahha.. but funny lah. it's sucha distant idea. first we talked abt it during bible study, then again with pastor CH and i forgot how the 3rd time came about. it was funny hearing frm among my friends what we hope to see in the ideal other half. only have a vague idea of what i'm looking for. but eh, shan't say more. it's weird hearing this from me anyway. but for the records, i hope i don't hav the gift of celibacy. sounds so cheapening, but it's the truth. chor ing is also so worried abt tt gift. hahah... high five girl!

scarry how genesis says that the female should submit wholeheartedly to the man. i'm stubborn, so submission is a great struggle for me. i asked xian (during our bs) how can a female submit to a guy when he's a whimp? or a wo1 nang4? the unanimous reply frm all of them was, oh then do you think tt chap will even be in your choice list? hmm yah, it's true. so poor guys, you better be good. i can guarantee tt all girls will want the other half to be more superior. and with girls getting more power, it's tough to be a guy. luckily i'm not one. back to submission. gosh, what a difficult concept to grasp. seriously, end of the day we'll all submit and be tt xiao1 nu2 ren2. oh man, so difficult. nevermind, not for me a the moment.

take it easy and enjoy life first. i'm off now... buzz!

this is such an exciting day for me. first i sprained my right ankle again. think it'll go totally loose by now. everytime also kena the same ankle. how i sprained it? i was merely playing a harmless game of lazy badminton with my bros. then i didn't realise that the floor was uneven. and silly me fell and twisted my ankle. never in my life had i experienced such searing pain in my ankle. the worst sprain ever. i just jumped on my left leg, wincing and whining in pain. for a moment, i just blacked out and sat down. unable to maintain my balance in my head, it was spinning. gosh i was a wreck at tt point. sat there and tried to calm my heart as i was recovering frm the darn pain. that was my pitiful ankle in the early afternoon.

went home after badminton hoping to rest before heading for the chinese guy to rub my ankle. better not let it go untreated after i sprained it the last time. after resting and thinking of going out to the medical hall near my place, my bro screamed that he saw black smoke coming from our window. thought he was talking rubbish again so i just went to see for fun. oh boy, i've never seen black smoke billowing frm my windows before! it was black!! panicked for a moment before regaining my composure and asking everyone to get outta the house. i thot the house below us was on fire! wow, the whole lobby outside my house was smoky and we walked down the stairs (remember tt i sprained my ankle and i live on the damnned 15th and highest floor of my block!) ok so nevermind, limp down and saw my neighbours. the stairway was like a collection centre for all neighbours.

frm 15 i managed to tahan my pain all the way to the 5th floor. it got smokier, darker and way hotter. the stairway railings were hot to the touch. and by the time i got to 5th floor, i was coughing like mad. choking on the smoke. and the police screamed at us to all go back up. dammit! the thought of going back up was both for my life and tearing my ankle. but whatever, just bite my teeth and walk up! guess i was so scared and cldn't really remember the pain.

the whole thing took like the whole afternoon. the 4th floor of my blocked was seared to bits. everything was black. we all stank of smoke and our homes were smoky. like what you smell when you stand near to a heavy smoker. gross.. end of the day, i didn't get to see the chinese physician. had to meet my friend at jurong pt. the lift was stripped of the electricity. so darn it, how can i ever walk down 15 floors and back up again? thank God man, the electricity was back on just before i left home. so i took the lift wearily down and i saw the 4th floor lobby that was all tar black. it's blacker than a blangah. wah..

guess what dad said was rite. to pray and thank God that He preserved our lives. that the fire didn't occur near our floor, or we'd have to escape to the rooftop. it's this kind of brushes with real accidents that make you realise that what you see on news of burns that scare you. ok i wasn't really scared cuz the fire engine came like real fast. but i can't imagine if i lived near those levels. lesson of the day: now your drills in case of any emergency and never dump unnecessary furniture along the corridor that can catch fire. think of the possible consequences to yourself and neighbours. life's fragile. thank goodness no one was hurt (maybe some were sent to hospital for checks for inhalation of smoke)

my comp's down and it's darn irritating. it's like i'm disconnected frm the world. cant access my email, cant chat. urgh. and i've gotta come to sch to use it. darn.. had so many things to blog. guess i'll give it a miss then. bleah.

everyday's passing so quickly. the hols seem to be zooming past me and it's horrid. it's nice not to hav anything to do (apart frm stella's stuff) but so far it's nice and relaxed. so i'm waiting for next week to watch incredibles and go for camp! maybe i shld snip my hair b4 the camp. it'll be so hot at sentosa all day man. hope it's sunny and not rainy. or cloudy. i've got not much affinity with the sun tho. rain rain go away....

went for baptism class yesterdy. argh i didn't know that transferees are also required to share their testimonies. strange how come jason got away with it. ah, and we're gonna be scheduled to share em infront of the entire congregation soon! shucks.. i'll probably cower behind my testimonial and read everything verbatim. groan... pastor cheng huat didn't give me chance when i asked him if i also need to share. he just smile and said "why not? you have to share" that's the judgement. bless me God, how to speak in front of those old uncles and aunties who have already watched me grow up man?

some new word i picked up during class. koinonia=sth to do with relating to people around you. fellowship i guess. but doesn't it really ring a bell with nokia? maybe that's where their tagline connecting people came from. interesting. so koinonia sounds like koi (a jap fish) nokia! ok this is quite lame but i thot it was funny. i better stop lest i blaspheme the word of God and kena struck dead when i go out. hahah, what i always tell shiwei when she starts talking cock.

shucks, i haven't preped for bible study later on. hope my girls aren't reading this entry, or they'll stab me. haha. cute bunch of girls. they're so eager to have bs after exams that i feel so guilty for not starting it earlier becuz of exams. sorry dearies. we'll hang out later on. ok i better go now and prep the study on parables. it's interesting so you guys shld do it too.

oh this is a major announcement: neivelle (however you spell his funny name. maybe i shld ask weiliang since it was his icq nick) tan aka the iron man is coming to my church on 28nov! hey i'm opening this invitation to everyone. so yeah, drop me a msg. this is super duper cool guy who was like singapore's most wanted criminal at the age of 15 i think. got thrown into jail a couple of times before he was converted in the prison cell. read his book. it's super short but a gd read. chock, coming?? anyway it's rare that we get to hear him speak, so just come along lah. i'll ask ryan and qinlei as well. so anyway for the rest, do think abt it and come k!

i really can't wait for the hols to really start. though i've kinda given myself an unofficial break since wed. it's so tempting to just chill and relax all the way since it's a public holiday weekend. and yeah i'm so weak in my flesh. i succumb to these temptations easily. so here i am, waiting eagerly for the hols, my mind's not even on com law. bad sign cuz my law is in shambles.

and there's the champion! oh gosh, i haven't really watched much of it. and it's ending! my goodness, why does it have to end b4 the exams??? ok nvm, actually i'm juz envious of their tanned skin. maybe it's time to go sentosa. anyone?? can we play beach volley? i'm not good at it, but it's an easy way to get tan and have fun. hahah apart from swimming.

it's been a great week slacking. maybe a tad too much cuz i'm so hooked on slacking tt i can't bear the idea of hitting the books again. and it's company law, which equates to lotsa reading of absolutely long sentences that never seem to end. when you reach some rare comma, you've long forgotten what's the last phrase you juz read. kudos to all practicing and budding lawyers-t0-be (like yam yam).

great message from bernard lee (navigators chap) in church yesterday. same topic on worship, but he really captured the true essences of worship. nice! so ministered by it. at the same time, it sounded like God was picking on my little dark parts and illuminating it for me to see and feel sorry about it.

the whole duty of man in Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every work into judgement, including every secret thing. Whether it is good or whether it is evil.

this is so cool! my friend's getting pregnant! hahah both herself n her husband are estatic. and so are we! this will be the 2nd baby arrival. hahha maybe it'll be nice to hav a girl since amy ong already had axios. so a girl frm amy chan would be nice! heh heh..

oh but it also means we can't go to her place so often anymore. the mommy needs some rest. bleah. but hey it's cool to see ur friends hav their kids. hahah little monsters but angels when they are happy.

when i saw her sms, i read the text again n again, thinking tt i could hav misread it. how can it be so coincidental? among's axios was juz a month old like juz a blink of an eye ago, and here we hav the second couple (who got married in the same year as amy and aurelius) having theirs as well. hahaha how funny it can be. exciting.. finally, the mpv in the tan's house will be put to use. instead of ferrying all the oldies like nat and xian. hahah ops nat, time to stick to your own little red car.

so happy (their dog) will be kinda overlooked i guess. now tt the grandparents will be cooing over the baby to come. xian, think it's going to be ur job to look after happy. anyway she loves you. so you can carry on buying those meat sticks for her. hahha..

gosh, this is going to be a terrible wk. huge premonition about tt. yest's paper was horrid, i had nothing to write for those heavy weight questions. today's worse. i woke up with a sty (however you spell it) in my eye! oh my goodness... my eyes are really the weaklings. they either get infected with bacteria or somethings juz happen to em. gosh! so now, here i am wearing my nerdy specs. probably stuck with them for the next two papers. yuck! anyway, i'm praying it miraculously disappears overnite. not asking too much by saying it be well by this afternoon. but argh, get lost you irritating little thing in my eye! i can't blink normally. bleah.. i'm going to visit my beloved doc in sch later on. by now, my record card probably only shows visits regarding this silly pathetic girl's eyes. i'm their record holder for buying most eye drops. bless me..

this is so sad. our lives seem to be surrounded with just work all day (or at least mine, how pathetic) i just want to get away from all of these and hide somewhere. i pity those kids who've gotta study so damn hard juz to stay afloat. all those thru train systems and what have you, are just gonna kill everyone and drive em out of our tiny little red dot. thank goodness i'm spared from all the new things going on. juz me n my simple simple life.

saw corrine during the week. wonder how are things going on with her and gabe. they really ought to get engaged or sth. but i guess they need time to sort things out. surprisingly, he's the only one out of the 3 of us so scoring in the love dept. haha not that i'm yearning or looking for one. in fact, i do agree with elliot tt it takes a lot of time. and more often than not, you get onto each other nerves once the honeymoon wears off. hahah.. kind of pitable state. oh well, maybe someone experienced here could give me some prep lessons. oh crap, i'm really out of my mind now. this is totally not me. anyway, i was shocked to hear tt elliot's still waiting. for what i dunno. he's one person who really has patience to wait wait n wait. bless him.

guess i'll come write when i'm really in the right frame of mind. i'm a pile of mess right now. the week was dreadful and tiring. my worst nightmare (some sort at least) the hope of a better holiday is keeping me breating, not performing but just breathing. well i'm quite sure i'll get a treat after exams. i'll win the silly bet.

it was the battle of the giants the previous nite. the attack of the flying machines and the swapper. i was juz minding my own business at my desk trying to do my tutorials. at the verge of pulling all my hair and screaming in the middle of the night, when they came. it came, right past my vision. immediately the red alert was triggered.

get lost you irritating flying objects. i tried swapping it with my paper. but it remained there. in my territory. trusting my territorial instincts i had to get rid of the intruder. so there i was trying to slap it. the white flag was up. not the irritating object, but me. it was tiring trying to get the persistent unsought for IT to leave. so i just ignored it.

alas, there was a bigger one along the line. it was the supa big moth. nothing i've ever seen. my mouth gapped but i didn't dare to scream in the nite lest i wake up my poor old gramps trying to sleep. so like some mute, i only moved my mouth. it circled my precious table, how irritating! i reached for my artilery. hahha my trustee ruler. the plastic ones you get for a couple of cents at the bookshop. there laid my enemy. my sword came down and there it was. whacked and slapped. yesh! finally victory is mine. hahha.. after fighting the big one, i targeted the small one. there i was, with my ruler brimming with triumph. it was my nite. the night i won the great battle. watch out you puny detestable moths. beetles, ants alike. i'm on the watch..

wasted one whole morning, my only time available this friday juz to do some dumb stuff that is totally not of my concern. i hate it when governmental bodies are so slow in doing stuff. how can u let someone call n call for the whole morning and yet not pick up that DAMNED phone! where are our taxpayers' money going to? customer service is crap for stat boards. they ought to be fired! what the hell do you think you're doing? no single soul answers the stupid phone in the WHOLE building! for goodness sake, are you guys dead ppl in the international plaza? and guess what, i have to pay for your stupid inefficiencies. and you can't even give me a single piece of useful advice. bizfile sucks. you juz give me phone numbers that are of no use at all. you're dumb, cant even give me solid advice. you're crap. the whole website is the least user-friendly. why don't you juz provide the service at your buildings as well? how can you juz discard the whole function of providing service? then why are you there? there don't seem to be any need for your lousy 'service' if you can't do anything for the masses.

argh! i hate inefficiencies. they ought to be fired. no chance given. unacceptable rubbish!!

wasted one whole morning, my only time available this friday juz to do some dumb stuff that is totally not of my concern. i hate it when governmental bodies are so slow in doing stuff. how can u let someone call n call for the whole morning and yet not pick up that DAMNED phone! where are our taxpayers' money going to? customer service is crap for stat boards. they ought to be fired! what the hell do you think you're doing? no single soul answers the stupid phone in the WHOLE building! for goodness sake, are you guys dead ppl in the international plaza? and guess what, i have to pay for your stupid inefficiencies. and you can't even give me a single piece of useful advice. bizfile sucks. you juz give me phone numbers that are of no use at all. you're dumb, cant even give me solid advice. you're crap. the whole website is the least user-friendly. why don't you juz provide the service at your buildings as well? how can you juz discard the whole function of providing service? then why are you there? there don't seem to be any need for your lousy 'service' if you can't do anything for the masses.

argh! i hate inefficiencies. they ought to be fired. no chance given. unacceptable rubbish!!

wasted one whole morning, my only time available this friday juz to do some dumb stuff that is totally not of my concern. i hate it when governmental bodies are so slow in doing stuff. how can u let someone call n call for the whole morning and yet not pick up that DAMNED phone! where are our taxpayers' money going to? customer service is crap for stat boards. they ought to be fired! what the hell do you think you're doing? no single soul answers the stupid phone in the WHOLE building! for goodness sake, are you guys dead ppl in the international plaza? and guess what, i have to pay for your stupid inefficiencies. and you can't even give me a single piece of useful advice. bizfile sucks. you juz give me phone numbers that are of no use at all. you're dumb, cant even give me solid advice. you're crap. the whole website is the least user-friendly. why don't you juz provide the service at your buildings as well? how can you juz discard the whole function of providing service? then why are you there? there don't seem to be any need for your lousy 'service' if you can't do anything for the masses.

argh! i hate inefficiencies. they ought to be fired. no chance given. unacceptable rubbish!!

wasted one whole morning, my only time available this friday juz to do some dumb stuff that is totally not of my concern. i hate it when governmental bodies are so slow in doing stuff. how can u let someone call n call for the whole morning and yet not pick up that DAMNED phone! where are our taxpayers' money going to? customer service is crap for stat boards. they ought to be fired! what the hell do you think you're doing? no single soul answers the stupid phone in the WHOLE building! for goodness sake, are you guys dead ppl in the international plaza? and guess what, i have to pay for your stupid inefficiencies. and you can't even give me a single piece of useful advice. bizfile sucks. you juz give me phone numbers that are of no use at all. you're dumb, cant even give me solid advice. you're crap. the whole website is the least user-friendly. why don't you juz provide the service at your buildings as well? how can you juz discard the whole function of providing service? then why are you there? there don't seem to be any need for your lousy 'service' if you can't do anything for the masses.

argh! i hate inefficiencies. they ought to be fired. no chance given. unacceptable rubbish!!

wasted one whole morning, my only time available this friday juz to do some dumb stuff that is totally not of my concern. i hate it when governmental bodies are so slow in doing stuff. how can u let someone call n call for the whole morning and yet not pick up that DAMNED phone! where are our taxpayers' money going to? customer service is crap for stat boards. they ought to be fired! what the hell do you think you're doing? no single soul answers the stupid phone in the WHOLE building! for goodness sake, are you guys dead ppl in the international plaza? and guess what, i have to pay for your stupid inefficiencies. and you can't even give me a single piece of useful advice. bizfile sucks. you juz give me phone numbers that are of no use at all. you're dumb, cant even give me solid advice. you're crap. the whole website is the least user-friendly. why don't you juz provide the service at your buildings as well? how can you juz discard the whole function of providing service? then why are you there? there don't seem to be any need for your lousy 'service' if you can't do anything for the masses.

argh! i hate inefficiencies. they ought to be fired. no chance given. unacceptable rubbish!!

there are just some things you can't forget. things you loved all your life. things you hoped for for as long as you can remember. just when you think u're ready to forget it, it all comes back again. this time round it just digs you.

we're such hopeful individuals. waiting and yearning for things that we know are almost impossible. thinking about it, breathing about it, dreaming about it. this is the substance of our desires. keeping us alive and giving us some glimmer of hope, no matter how small they may be. the dreamy side will say it's alright to hope n dream. but the rational side will cast off the thought as some unattainable thing. something out of our league. just a figment of our imagination. in any case, it's good to have the capacity to imagine. since it can't be reality, might as well dream about it.

for some ppl, these dreams are mere fleeting pictures. they come and go. for some they are always there. just hidden behind some other thoughts. trying to cover it up, but it comes all back again. that wave and rush of thoughts. it's overwhelming. but end of the day, we're slapped by reality- it isn't possible. reality bites. it bites hard.

failures are part of life, but somehow a person of reasonable mind ought to learn and safeguard himself from it. take precautions or be alert to their situation. don't ever drag someone else down to bear the shit with u. for goodness sake, just think of others as well. i don't believe in accepting rubbish for an answer. either you can do it or you can't, don't come a butter ppl up and give them a whole load of bullshit. it's crap.

it's so hard to always love your brother. you're supposed to turn your other cheek for your brother to slap when he slaps you on one side. the struggles of an everyday christian in this world where only the fittest survive. it's really a huge test of faith.

zhuo ren bu yao tai shi bai. you shld know how to guage for urself and just jolly well think. you not only lose ur self confidence, but your own dignity and ppl's respect for u. it's ur life, u control it. don't keep going downhill, there ought to be an uphill or at least a stop to it. no one shld ever let themselves fall into an endless pit. if you're in shit, it's probably your own choice. live with it yourself buddy.

watched singapore idol tonite. quite entertaining. thyidor was fab man! great presence and style. our next closest thing to singaporean alicia keys. she's the lady! anyway hahah i think i make a gd predictor. those i predicted all got in. haha..

david yeo's voice is nice. soothing. altho he's really quite beng. can't exactly compete in the looks department. but hey hey hey, de cruz and ben eio totally rocks. hahaha... how can anyone look so cute? apart frm edison and some other asian ppl. wow.. de cruz looks really cocky, but hey those whites and tt smile melts all tt ego away. ben eio, tt echoboy, is another cute one. monkey ears, but cute. hahhaa. two totally different type but hey, it strikes a chord with most girls. haha i'm being bimbotic again. well, it's a sign of nature at work. hahhahahaha....

why cant we juz find such ppl ard sch?? groan... like what ryan said, nothing to look fwd to each day. juz come, try to stay awake. yah, this has been how it's like since last yr. pathetic..

responding to dinko's comment, i think i can juz blog some irrelevant crap to chase those cobwebs away frm my blog. but honestly, my life's boring. i'm juz drowning in the never-ending pile of things to do, not just in school but in church too. i'm gonna be squashed flat by the end of the mth (which is ending soon) so stifled by everything. yucks...

so i'm in a mode of hoping i can go to some island again (singing: i'm leaving on a jet plane) to juz soak up the sun (singing cheryl crow's song) bleah, life is such a mad cat rush in little town singapore. maybe i shld go to some apline hut to hibernate. or to some cove to be a hermit. this is good for health. ok, i'm talking rubbish again. it's a form of release and escapism.

doubt i can destroy tt overwhelming bundle of stuff on my shoulders before the wk starts again and accumulate. ok, i just really need to complain. i'm surviving (i hope) so don't come tell me i need to be positive and all tt crap. this is my space to complain complain complain, exactly how we singaporeans are taught to do all the time. hate those feel-good psychology talk, it's all rubbish. end of the day, it's pathetic to have to rely on those silly techniques to feel good. it's ur life for goodness sake, not those authors. so juz let me live my own life and stop wasting time on those motivational bks. if u've really got motivation, u've got it. if not, juz chill and it'll come. it's ur life, do as u please, not as u're taught or instructed to do.

i'm getting really nowhere. if anyone's still reading this, reckon u're quite free to read this neurotic person blogging without thinking. hahha.. good for u!

i absolutely cannot stand this sem. so many things are super irritating. urgh.. this dumb thing abt getting texts is crazy. no idea why on earth publishing houses charge so much for a miserly bk? then there are other things we're doing tt requires some basic knowledge frm last sem. gosh, how would any normal human rem aft the exams??!! for one, there's no pt remembering what we did last sem. anyway things change all the time. what we learn as the sacred truth today, could jolly well be deemed as the useless and even wrong tmr.

ok, i'm in a state of disillusionment. cant take it, ppl ard me are ranting abt stuff that i have no recollections abt and it scares me. why do u even need to know em? are they so important? yucks. i feel like going on a long vacation and never come back. maybe i cld be tom hanks on tt lost island in the carribean islands (no asian islands other than those in thailand)

this is rubbish. i don't even know what i'm talking abt now. juz shoot off whatever's off my head now. this is gd therapy..

it's so true tt ppl with mixed blood are juz so beautiful creatures. guess guess guess last nite showed these 5 kids who hav mixed parentage. gosh, they are sooo cute! the girls were juz lovely but not so lively on stage, so not as entertaining. those little boys are juz too charming! (juz reminds me of how ah lian really loves boys) they are even more charming than most of the ppl i know. hahah... don't call me a paedophile. kids are gd to look at when they smile. tt's where my liking stops. screaming, wailing and rowdy kids are off limits. they juz make u wanna tear ur head off ur shoulders. happy kids are angels, those out of this category are monsters.

how did Jesus hav tt kinda patience to deal with kids? then again, He's patient and loving. much more than i am. maybe it's time to stretch my limits and be even more patient. this sunday will be a gd testing. haha..

"let all the children come to Me.. the kingdom of heaven is for the babes.. have childlike faith"

finally finished watching big fish. took me ages to get thru it since the last time. interesting show, but i guess i wasn't really paying attention to the dialogue to really catch what was being said. so it was juz nice watching ewan mcgregor act again after moulin rogue. that's 3 movies down in my comp. one more to go. let's see, maybe i can watch it tmr. i'm slowly evolving into a hermit juz watching movies at home. but nvm there's the new takeshi show i'm gonna catch with the girls. all not there to really watch it, but juz him. hahahha my church friends. suye even suggested we get 10 ppl since the title had to do with ten (corny scholar..)

going back to sch later to submit some assignment. yucks, i haven't even met the tutor/lecturer and we've gotta hand in some crap tt i did juz last nite. oh well, i hope it ain't graded. haha.. like to take the easy way out all the time.

first day in sch started horrible. lost my ez-link card on my way to sch, juz before i got on the bus. then i had to trace my way back home and find it. so there i was frantic cuz i was late. finally went to sch cursing under my nose and thoroughly irritated. had my first lect for the day. and i had a pleasant surprise frm my maid's sms telling me some guy picked it up and left it in sch lib! oh man, praise God! so it totally changed my mood for the day. yesh!

went for yr3 banking module. feels kinda strange cuz you feel young amongst the people. but yeah, something i realised and told chu qian yi ding. people in ntu are getting better looking, esp our yr3 banking module. hahah.. yeah bimbotic moments do happen

can't stand it how my parents treat me like some 15-yr old kid and it totally pisses me off. it's only 10 plus and my bro rings me up. gosh, do i look like i'm gonna get into some kinda big trouble? or get kidnapped? i don't even party, club, or date. so what do you want me to do? cage me up at home all day? i hardly go town for goodness sake!

i went for supper with my friends near my place and they had to ring me when i was in the car being sent home. what the??!! i need some personal space. and i hate it when this line's being crossed or even shifted. went for prata tonite and my other bro had to call me up. argh...

can't stand it. i'm not gonna care if they call me again. if i'm out, that's it. i'll be out. even if i miss the last bus, i'll take a cab home myself. this is the limit. i'm almost 20 and i need to be on my own.

have no idea why on earth am i so pissed right now. there's no reason to it, juz feeling irritated at everything. it's as though i got off the wrong side of bed. yucks.. well, i shld be better after some time. i hope.

had a haircut on monday with dinko at jp. kinda strange but i think we bth hav a bit of the same cut. maybe her's shorter. anyway, so it's the start of change. went home aft tt and packed my table and stuff. guess my life needs to have some interesting things to perk me up. now it's juz the day-to-day hum drum. so boring. can't stand the boring and dull life.

this reminds me of sth. fion once said tt she isn't surprised if i go europe and come back with some ang moh bf. hahha. kinda amusing and i laughed my head off. but then come to think of it, yeah it's possible. used to only 'consider' ang mohs or abcs (sounds so bitchy and spg-like rite) when i was younger. hahha. oh man, why on earth am i sputtering so much. this is still kinda public. oh what the heck, this is true. those who know me well will know i've got a knack for this. ok this is for know, i better shuddup.

as the Bible says, the tongue is a hard part of the body to tame. it's a two-edged sword, capable of loving and hurting. the tone we speak also conveys hidden undertones. when you speak too loudly or quickly it really really puts ppl off. even if u want to just make ur inner feelings known, there's no need to get so agitated and frown. talk camly and smile.
 
sometimes i think i smile too much when i'm with ppl i know. smile even during a not-so-cool conversation. for me, it's juz tt i don't wanna get ppl's defences up when i frown. unless i'm damn pissed will i immediately frown n react. to smile isn't a weakness. i hate it when ppl think they can step all over me juz cuz i don't hav a temper. what's the real deal is tt i'm actually a very impatient person. i only control myself much better as i grow up cuz my dad keeps reminding me to be patient.
 
reminded of what i did for bs this wk. galatians mentioned the 'obvious' sins, and dissensions and factions are in the list. so here's another reminder to myself to seek self-control (fruit of the spirit) and listen first.
 
probably at the end of the day, i shld juz keep my hands in my own pockets. don't be so meddlesome and overly concerned over things. leave it and let things happen on its own. totally not my principle but hey it's not really your thing. when you wanna do things properly and in detail, and it isn't really your job, you might juz be misunderstood of being a big kaypoh. it's best to stick to our own territory and not be overly enthusiastic cuz we may juz tread on someone else's zone, and we aren't sure how it's being interpreted.

my bro came back with scratches and bruises frm his match with acs. sound like a worried mom, but i was like "oh my gawd, you kena stepped in the chest???? aiyoh..." then i thought abt it, hey this is part n parcel of the game! lian n myself used to get our fingers a little bruised. the worst was chock's. it juz swelled twice the size of her finger.
 
used to think my bro can't make it for the team. started off in 2nd team. altho he's juz a reserve in the 1st team now. it's better than nothing. can see him enjoying the game now. no more finding excuses for training. he's happy to play. kinda itching to play.
 
some people juz hav such great passion for something. something i admire. i'm not very sure if i've got the same kind of passion for years. maybe i would. even then, sometimes people do move on to the next phase of life. a change of focus and energy. realized how my life's been stagnant for a couple of yrs already. not much hype or things going on. juz the nitty gritties of life. maybe it's time for an overhaul? i'm not too sure if i'm gonna face it with my arms wide open. we'll see then.

slacking is so heavenly. it's sinful but it feels so shiok! juz wake up at anytime u want and laze ard the hse. you're right, i'm a couch potato alrite. juz eat n eat all day, not movin my limbs, waiting for em to accumulate fats (as tho it hasn't already done so) yucky as it seems, this is what i've been doing for the past 4 days.

gonna meet xiao n ren later on for training/coaching. hahha not tt i'm gonna be of much help other than being a vase on the field. i'll juz watch em. honestly i'm only there cuz xiao asked. and i wanna like meet em. guess this is the next best chance lah.

ooo... i'm also so eager to hav my prata treat with the girls man! hahah so cute tt one of us has already lost the bet! catching up at holland v was so nice. altho it wasn't a really long time spent together. but wow, it feels so gd to be with the girls. can juz talk and ask all those qns. firing questions for our leading lady and her upcoming prata party. hahaha.. like what yam said, we're all really happy happy and estatic for her! she's sucha nice lady, so tt guy's got great taste. heh heh heh... my wager's still on ren. she's outta be losing the bet man. too bad she's picky. anyway she's sucha charmer, natural tt she's gonna be picky.

gosh chock, u shld hav been there tt nite. hahah it was nice talking to em. not alot of ppl went, but a nice handful tt's gd for chatting. hey avail urself when it's our prata party k! how abt joining the bet?? hee hee hee... keep me company. oh erm wrong word. tis not gd to keep me company in the club. hahaha.. oh well, juz join the bet for fun! can psycho lobster as well!

i bet many watched the nkf charity show. sometimes i juz don't agree with nkf's approach to these charity shows. why on earth do you wanna give out all those cash prizes? save it up for the kids! to think that organizers spend those 2hrs of airtime, trying to solicit viewers to dial in and donate. more funds could be channelled for the children. gosh, will you use your puny little brains to think? as for those prizes like cars blah blah. well, it cld be part of the sponsor's contribution. no grounds to argue then.

it's saddening to see how those little kids gotta suffer. juz like baby clara in church who has liver cancer. that tiny little life had to suffer a couple of months with those cancer cells in her, not allowed to be operated on cuz she was too young. here she is barely a yr old and had her first opt to rid of a big portion of her liver. that scar across her abdomen will be a scar of both pain and grace. juz like her, we're all living off God's fingertips of grace, as suye puts it.

sunday was the nkf show. and on saturday nites, we've got the simple life. the two dumb blondes paris and nicole are stars of their really useless lives. see the contrast? here are two absolutely spoilt things (i won't even use the word humans, cuz i can't see how they're contributing to society other than giving us juicy gossip pages and stimulating hollywood's economy) who are allowed to do all they want. spoil people's lives, mess up a small town and behave like total brats. yet they're heraled for all these, to the extent of having simple life2. then you see these kids, they can't even afford their medical fees. don't even hav the energy or frame of mind to enjoy life. what contrasts. such is how our society works.

i can't imagine being parents of kids from either of this spectrum. first you've got the sickly children. the torture of seeing the ones you bring to this world endure pin pricks, tests after tests, and not even knowing how their future is like. you can't stand beside them all their life. so who's gonna care for them? then comes those spoilt brats. they aren't even bimbos cuz bimbos do use the slightest little bit of brain left in them. but these girls don't even know what's a bank (probably it juz means dad) they can't even contribute in any way to the family, let alone the environment they are in. mere leeches benefiting frm the wealth amassed by mr hilton. as mr and mrs hilton & mr and mrs lionel richie, i wonder what they're thinking. are my girls helping the ppl around them? imagine walking ard and having fingers point at me, ppl whispering what spoilt creatures i've got. yucks..

my last day of work finally! enjoy my freedom at last. tis smells so sweet.. well actually i complained so much abt my work all the time. too blind to see what my mom was saying. altho it was stressful, busy and you might step on ppl's toes at times. but tt's the real thing out there. just yesterday my director came and stood at my cubicle talking to me; asking me why i didn't wanna juz finish all the way like i told em when i started. well obviously i was lost for words. how can i out talk a master degree chap? and this guy's apparently quite a name in the accounting arena, knows quite a no of ppl in ernst n young's board of director. so there he was giving me a small lecture on what it means to manage time (trying to persuade me to stay cuz they cldn't find a replacement until this morning) and how we shld be committed to our task and build our credibility and integrity. honestly he sounded so smooth, but yeah i knew he was giving me a soft lecture. anyway altho it was quite a akward, it did make lots of sense afterwards. a whole chunk of food for thot. as u all know, end of the day i still didn't stay. so i guess he might not hav very nice things to say shld any head hunters call my ex bosses. but yeah, this guy's a heck of a brainer. talks like hooi de huan (however u spell the mktg lecturer's name) and a little of seow kok boon. he's a director of an american company, yet he's got this big gold ring on his finger. a bit of a beng who plays golf u can say. back to his brains, he's got a degree in engineering but a masters in business (i shld think so since he told me he was invited to lecture a couple of times before)

my immediate boss is the nice one. i can talk to him n he's always talking patiently with me. explains things i dn really understand. and uses simple language tt non-experienced greenhorns like me can make sense of. another avid golfer. apparently my director told me he plays a mean game of golf. jokingly asked me to learn frm him (i was caught between these 2 mens' talk over golf) nice chap. always smiling n laughing. i said sorry (becuz i felt like i was interrupting his work) then he said "say sorry for what? you didn't do anything wrong. sit sit, i need to talk to you." so he started sharing with me how come he n the director were so busy yest and i had to help em do stuff. over some usd30million contract. can u beat that?! tt's the green bill mind u. and i thot shimano was doing some big business. well maybe it's comparable, since shimano's land space is definitely bigger than cameron, and it's got taller factories.

gosh, what's wrong with my jobs? how come always in gul area? so sad...

had much to think about today. God really knows how to work His way into our thoughts. we can't escape it.

kinda not prepared to lead bible study this afternn cuz i thot my partner was gonna lead. so i didn't really give it much preparation and thought. so anyway i only knew like 15mins before i left home tt i had to lead cuz she was sick. there i was kinda going to church with a teeneey weeny bit of dread in me, knowing i didn't prepare my bible study and still had tuition to think abt. throughout the journey to church, tried to pray for God to quieten my heart and annoint my lips to talk sense to the girls.

bible study session was ok i guess. what was more important for the girls i guess was their sharing. the baring of their hearts to talk abt things that made em sad. how they encouraged each other, after having experienced the same sentiments before. no idea how the topic led to them poping the question: you're so old already, how can you not have a boyfriend? time to get one before you're too old! gosh, fancy that coming from 3 sec2 girls. hahah ok lah, as usual i'm fine with my maritial status and singlehood. what tickled me was the way they put it to me. it was in absolute shock that i'm ok with it at my age. amusing how sometimes little kids can be mature in their funny ways.

so after tuition, i poped back to church to check out practice for tmr's youth service. two of my girls were supposed to be backup singers. somehow there was some misunderstanding between them. to cut the story short, they cried and got me sniffing too (not surprising since i'm a tear barrel who cries juz looking at others cry) tried to get them to be buddies since last yr but it didn't seem to head anywhere. to top it off, one of them was going to another church. this means they're gonna see less of each other. have always been hoping that they get back to their good ol' days of fun n laughter, where the girls had been so close. i thot all was not gonna be sunny, then came today's 'crying' session. they've finally cleared the air. hugged each other in tears and smiles. it was a huge load off my heart. sincerely hope that this wld spell the end of previous prejudices they had and the start of the beautiful chapter of their sisterhood. really cheered me to see them huggin each other. they were my two most promising kiddos who were growing in the Lord. they were and they still are.

i guess when you're a discipler, you really are burdened to see them grow. on my way home, i just kept thinking of how i can use my time to help them mature. to give em my time n love. yeah you get the idea. God really spoke to me through the girls. never amazes me how they can teach me such simple but great truths. in a way i'm convinced that it was God's plan that my partner had her stiff neck, and that i had to go lead bible study. He knew that i'd go to youth service practice, He knew that i had to handle that sticky situation, He knew that it was time the girls had to resolve this before they can't see each other.

::trust God to teach you lessons in places you least imagine it::

countdown to another wk at work! sheesh, i remembered tt i'd lots to blog. but i'm pressed for time now so yeah. i'll leave it in my head at the mo. still in search of another template tt i like and has space for tagboard. hahah then also quite good. tt ntuc auntie cannot post msges on my tagboard. hahhhahaha.....

hmm looking for a new template. this one caught my eye. but the really sad thing's tt i can't link n add my tagboard. guess this will do in the meantime. sorry to ppl who wanna tag yah. i'm looking for something better. i'll figure out how to add music too. if i ever get this done first

counting down to the day i end my work. in need of a break and a great tan at the beach. maybe shld get ppl to go sentosa with me. beach volley anyone? teach this fella here how to play man. i can't ask jason cuz he's too pro at it. besides he's gonna be attracting hoards of little girls and disrupt our game. hmm i dunno, maybe the girls? well, a mixed bunch of lads n laydees is the best. anyone someone, go to sentosa with me??!!! i'm parched white as can be. to think tt i hate being white. tt's my natural colour, or shld i say discolouring. yuck.. i can't get tan and i've never had a sunburn my entire life. banana boat doesn't work. lobster sihui can testify to tt for me. i used hers during our training ages ago. we sizzled under the sun. she was a red fully cooked lobster, but i was still as white as ever. take pity on me, my little melanine cells..

gosh. how my bs grp has sorta crumbled. maybe tt's a hard word. but yeah, one of the girl's gonna follow her dad as he pastors in another church. thot she wld stay. the rest aren't coming for youth grp so regularly. i guess it's my fault as i haven't met em for quite a while. a long time in fact. yeah, this is God's hard way of making me buck up with them; to spend more time with them and shower em with all my love. yeah, wish we cld go back to when we first started n i played with the girls all the time. hmm.. maybe they aren't little anymore. they've grown n are finding the struggle between their social life and church stuff.

shiwei, we've gotta spend more time with the girls. i really dn wanna see em float around and never grow. hmm. thought my entry today wld be sth light.

i'm a grumpy n irritated person now. irritate me further and i'll explode. everyday keep doing stuff almost 24hrs a day. barely get my rest or recharge and off i'll hav to force myself to move onto the next day. force a smile on my face when i feel like sulking. everything's pent up and waiting to explode. probably something will let the bubbling gas of irritation slowly ease out. but at the meantime, dn talk to me and try to cheer me up or sth. leave me alone and let me hav my own space! maybe hermits are a more gentle and patient lot; willing to take life as it comes slowly. so here in the city, the psychologists have their own little market of depresed city dwellers & concrete jailbirds to attend to. the demand's gonna rise until someday, our general practioner is also a qualified psychologist.

even blogging or going online's taking up my precious sleep. work ends early but my day doesn't end until 12 plus. dreaming the entire nite and feeling as though i haven't slept a wink. wake up at 5am and start the whole new cycle again.

such is life as a miserable-powerless pawn of society-impatient singaporean.

bored stiff at work today. nothing to do. or at least not for me. i stoned, pretended to be busy. well, i'm a bad actor. it's way too obvious not to notice. anyway so yeah, my supervisor asked me why didn't i tell her i was free? hmm so i was kinda stumped for words. tell her? what am i supposed to say? hello, i'm so free. pls dump all ya work on me, i'll finish em for you.

i'm no saint when it comes to work. you pay me a pittance and expect me to slog my hearts out for you? hmm wait long long. so i juz sat there clicking in blank space with the finance director walking up and down beside me. i so wanna quit. still trying to come up with the best dialogue to make it sound nice and amicable. help me.. i'm not tt thick skinned to say your job's so boring, gimme a break.

so here i am, accumulating fats in everywhere possible. fats in the wrong place. tyres circling around me as i expand horizontally. disgusting state. yet i'm too darn lazy to work out, to get tt perky butt. hahah ok i'm juz being so lame. it muz be the after effects of an overdose of chips. so here goes, i'm gonna watch extreme makeover on tv. how contradicting of me. whatever, life's always imperfect and full of blemishes. juz gotta live with it.

today's my day off. but i'm sucha loser. sitting in ntu's library waiting to register my subjects which is a full 2hrs wait. i'm gonna be stoned and cobwebs will form all over me in no time.

sucha hassle to think of what subjects to register for. i think it's juz a girl think. creatures who need company. and i thot God made woman to comfort and be a partner for adam, not the other way around. registering for subjects really drain my already diminishing brain juice. have to think of whether it's useful, whether anyone's taking it, wheter the timetable's good blah blah blah. not all that independent, so i don't daret to venture into uncharted territories all by myself. i'll sink, drown and die a lonely death. (remy zero's save me is the most appropriate theme song now) so torn as to which module to take. shld i go for it's value as i think of it to be, or follow the sch's recommendation? dont wanna waste my energy to take both cuz only one's gonna be recognized anyway. i can go on n on abt this, but i shan't lest the blogger server kicks me out becuz it'll be way too long.

timetable for next sem's not gonna be as slack as i thot it wld be. bye to 3-day wk and hello to 4-long-day wk. then i can't arrange my time with lydia again. die.. i hope auntie anne won't kill me for this. sorry lydianne. ops, it's sucha long name to spell. lydia's much better u little punk.

something totally lame n funny happened at work today. during lunch, some short guy (an engineer i think. can't rem his name anyway. who cares. duh)
"think i've seen you somewhere" (fancy this happening in real life. i thot bad pick up lines only occur in lame joke books)
"erm no? never seen u b4"
"so where do you study?"
"ntu lor"
"ooo.... i was in ntu until i transferred to nus. found it too far" (why bother tell me. i'm not the least interested little fella)
"so are you having your IA now?"
"no, juz finished yr1"
"oh icic. i'm frm poly so entered later. you take 269 to ntu then?" (is there even sucha bus. hello? frm pakistan??)
"ermmmm..... there's only 179 & 199"
"oh yah oh yah. i forgot" (how can u forget if you claimed to hav switched last yr?)

anyway this is juz the excerpt frm the darn lousy conversation. don't think u can take me for a ride n believe your lousy story.
1. you can't get your facts right. contradict yourself frm beg to end. your plot's trash.
2. don't intrude in my lunch time.
3. never never ever ever send me emails when i don't know you.
4. a cutsie pic of a kitten makes it worse.
5. erm i think i'm as tall as you in my shoes, l'ill boy.

basically i think it's so darn humiliating. nevermind, i'll not see you anymore. doubt you dare come any inch closer. i'm not as friendly as ppl think. i bare my teeth, snarl, frown n sulk. don't try to come into my personal space. i'll bite you when u least expect it. buzz of you fly!

received a heeeuggeee miracle frm the One above yesterday. so urworthy of all the blessings, yet i get it bountifully. as what yee lin says, when you honour God, He honours you. and we receive grace n mercy in heaps. thankew Father! it's truly Your work at this, not mine.

oohhh, watching ch8 now. man, edmund chen really kicks some ass being some shao ye. but yeah, no matter how old he is, i'll still fancy watching him. so cute with the red cheeks! hahha i think only yee lin n myself share the same interest in him. hahaha sounds so auntish..

american idol fever's over with the crowning of fantasia. but somehow i didn't enjoy it as much as season 2. last season i was hovering between clay n rooooben. this season, i guess i only liked la toya (who was dissed out) and jasmine (cuz she's juz too pretty) the guys can't make it. and the final 2 aren't really my favourite. not much on screen charisma.

anyway my point is tt it blows me away when ppl can sing and belt out such stuff frm their little frames. kate's one power house. not loud in tt sense, but your grunge girl singer type. evan's got tt high yet angelic voice. such little girls, but wonderful singing. they make a fantastic duo. envy those with such gifts cuz yours truly really can't sing. i sound horrid. so when i go ktv, i'll juz watch mtv n mouth the words. haha.. sparing a thought for the ppl around me, u see.

singapore idol's coming up. wonder how it's gonna be like. when i heard tt cheryl seah was gg for audition, i laughed my head off man. okok maybe i shld be nice. she could hav an awesome voice, juz tt i dunno. don't pin your hopes on this season of singapore idol unless those charismatic church singers come. wah biang, they can really sing. this lady frm the rock (new creation church). wow, she really has a superb voice. yeah, if those of tt league goes. tt's a watcher.

working life isn't nice at all. u've got no life. do overtime when u can't finish your work and all. cooped up in the office. tt's your little microcosm. i can't imagine having to endure sucha life. used to laugh at people who's life ambition is to be a tai tai. well i guess tt kinda life is less restricted- you get to do what you want w/o worries or deadlines. i'll be a different tai tai. travel the world lah, shop a bit. but maybe go to orphanages or mission trips. yeah, tt's less bimbotic.

here i am at work. nothing to do not becuz everyone's free. in fact it's the reverse. i've juz got nothing to do cuz no one's teaching me how to. gosh... i'm typing in fear i get caught. spent my whole morning surfing new websites. how boring is tt..

i've always been paranoid when it comes to my health. those giddy spells hav been coming back now. yikes! started when i was in sec sch. it used to be sudden pain in the back of my head. imagined the doc diagnosing me with brain tumour. pictured myself lying in hospital bed, saying bye to my friends n crying. super freaked out, until i realised it happened regularly. came to take it as part of me. told my mom, she got a shock of her life. then i told her it's not unusual. hahah, she's another paranoid one. said i better hav full body checkup when i start work. or i might get high blood like my grandpa. whatever it was, i imagine what wld happen shld i really die. would i divulge my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings? i wonder. what would my family n friends' reaction be?

here i am talking about death again. we're all humans made of flesh. it's natural to fear even if you know where you're headin for after your life here. we all fear of how we die. will it be painful and torturous? my close friend once asked me how i wanna die. obviously i said die a natural death in my sleep. how abt other ways she asked. guess the next best option for me is to die of a heart attack. it's quick and fast. not a lingering death.

muz spare everyone of this death issue. juz becuz i'm feeling giddy and tt my head's numb doesn't mean u've gotta go thru what i am. yep, i'm talking crap. a typical sign when my head's gg bonkers. either tt u see me staring at you not saying anything. juz a blank look.

RIP

have you ever felt that your life seems to be in the dumps when u look at others? yup, it's bad to compare. but tt's life. we live in relativity, not in absolute terms. comparison kills you, as so they say, but we're mere mortals. how can we possibility stop ourselves from tt? why do we enjoy the excitement of living in someone else's shoes for a day? for the excitement and break in our life's monotony as they say. but in reality, the hidden motivation is because that life is something we hope to have. it's scary how some people's lives are so different frm your own. seems to be so gd to be true it scares you. someday i'll live the life i desire. but at the moment, it only exists in my mid air sandcastles.

boy, i havent been online for ages. and i juz checked my email. gosh, it's overflooded with those stupid spam mails. how irritating it is. strangely enuff, some stupid search tool bar keeps loading itself to my com. i can't delete it frm my program list. it's blocked?! why on earth do these ppl wanna load their search bar on my com? i never use em anyway. worst of all, they're x-rated. but yeah, tt's what it claims to be. no one ever touches it. damn those ppl who load this things on my com n block me frm deleting em. i want my com space! my com's gettin slower already. it's barely a yr old. juz coming to a yr old. argh...

sat beside some worker back frm work in my company's bus. eeeks... they smell. the kind of sweat smell guys produce (pardon me for being crude but it totally irks me) he was sleeping n nodding all the way. i was squirming in my seat having to endure it. pasted myself against the window, praying tt his head stays on his shoulder n to the little area around his head. this is not the end. when i tried getting off, this chap slept n cldn't wake up. sacrificed my index finger to poke him like almost 4 times before getting him to wake up. frantically got off the bus and away frm the us of smell tt permeated becuz it was practically filled with workers. bless my nose. i'll hav to take this everyday for 2 more mths

ok i sound so bitchy and petty abt this. but there are somethings tt i can't tolerate. i wont verbalise it. but yeah, i'm screaming for help in my heart.

it's the hols and i'm totally drained out. concuss so early and i'm tired every morning. imagine having to wake up at 520am juz to start work at 730am? altho i end work early, i'm almost packed meeting friends lah blah blah. and u can't help but stay out longer with ur friends. so now i end up sleeping even later. the cycle goes on. sleep depravation. black eyes n eye bags developing. i need my beauty sleep..

getting fat again becuz of all tt office work. anyway i'm having second thoughts of whether i'll really be an accountant as i set out originally. yeah, call me a bore staring at all numbers. anyway back to my work. this stupid program tt's supposed to be easier to use is so damn hard. all those strings of numbers make absolutely no sense to my simple logical brain. but yeah, to them this is so simple to enter into the data. for 5 long days, i still dunno anyth. my supervisor has been explaining the same thing again n again and i still don't get it. (sounds like lulu in daddy's girls) yeah i'm r.e.t.a.r.d.e.d.

yeah but i also asked my supervisor if she's considered an accountant. surprisingly she said no. she's only an acct asst. hmm... so the whole finance dept only has 3accountants?! weird.. maybe i shld ask my uncle whether accountants really need to learn tt program. i hope not cuz it's driving me nuts and i'll hav to do this for more than 2mths! bless me.. i'd rather do other stuff there. so stressed on friday and it's only my 1st wk at work. how abt mth end?! and end of the quarter?! so suay lor, i'll hit right smack in these 2 big periods. argh, then no one will be free enuff to help me reverse my errors (which i already broke the record there for no of errors within a day)

wanted to grumble n complain my heart out over work yest but yeah i didn't cuz my dad's was using the com. oh anyway, i did sth a bit drastic to my hair. meant to juz hav a cut, but ended up dying n cutting it a like ql's hair. not as short but has the same one long side. officially broke cuz i squandered more than a day's pay juz on my hair in like what one and a half hrs time? yeah i was a bit pissed off at work, so my hairdresser happened to come in time to ask me if i wanted to dye my hair. my form of expression. anyway so now i'm learning how to gel my hair. think it's too heavy, so it flops back like it always does.

today's a much better day. maybe cuz i read daily bread and God talked to me. reminded me not to judge for it's His power. and to work n serve faithfully. absolutely right smack in my heart: the big lesson for yest and tt i tried practising today. yup, when u seek God to help u go thru things, it's a whole lot of difference. i didn't sulk and found more joy in my work. and i hope i'm still in the midst of finding tt joy.

sth i learnt frm juz a couple day's of work: the academic world is so well-cushioned agst politics. the private sector is a major minefield. no wonder branson kwok likes being in ntu. lookin back to my prev job. realised tt altho it was a very rigid jap co, but at least my colleagues made the stay fantastic. sth really memorable! miss em actually.

oh gosh, how cld real madrid lose?! ok i'm not a soccer fan. juz watch a bit. saw the sports news highlights. oh man. the star studded team. my favourite for totally bimbotic reasons. i don't play soccer so i dunno how to judge by skills. why i like madrid:
1. they've got the delicious beckham!
2. then there's capt raul gonzales
3. the blur blur luis figo
4. botak zidane
5. shortie carlos
6. cute lil' boy ronaldo
7. and finally, they've got nice white jerseys!!!!
ok, talk later. i'm gonna watch the rebecca loos interview. she's kinda pretty, too bad she's a woman with no shame. totally not surprised if it was chelsea's plot to pay loos to hang beckham's dirty linen in public. she gets to gain twice (one frm chelsea's bribe to get her to spill the beans, another frm all gossip tabloids) chelsea totally gets to gain so much frm this whole scam (or the truth as u might say) they know so well tt ms arrogant victoria will kick up a fuss n demand becks to get back to england. then chelsea can conveniently buy becks over! sounds logical rite? i make sucha a great team manager

had a great laugh at ah lian's blog. she never never ever amazes me with her writing. it's so original, honest and yeah her words juz blows me away. writing juz comes so naturally for her. tt's our spiderwoman for u. always tickling us with her funny actions.

then we also hav raisin. our capt. the nick i gave her for being so dark (aft so much trg) and dry. like a raisin obviously. a hell of a capt. u'll never find any person more committed than her. very sweet ladyee who's also a feminist. but she's a really gr8 pal. can juz talk rubbish with her. i always find myself chattin with her non-stop.

shaqi: our beloved little girl. ops. ok she aint tt little. she's older than all of us. don't belittle this cute girl. all smiles on and off the field. but her legs are wonderful man. it carries her so fast n so far. literally floats across the field.

the other half of dynamic duo steph. a gymnast on the field. falling and tripping but can still laugh at herself after tt. cool girl who's equally fast. always smiling, even tho we juz got punished. wonder where she gets her joy. no temper at all too.

mighty mouse jieren. our ms charming. as i always say. if i'm a guy, she's the first girl i'll date in the team. so cute in her subtle way. we used to decide on which link either of us will take. she'll take one and i take the other. our sporty chick jieren.

yam. coach's sister. the only one who can play hand games with him and BEAT him to it. hahha one cock girl. but so cute as well. she's got the most steady relationship. never seen a couple so mature. not ur little kiddish 1/2mth relationship. our winger too. the one i usually support on the field.

chock. hahaha ms molestor. likes to touch ppl, esp ah lian who'll be super freaked out and start telling us abt it. another girl u can't juz judge by lookin at her. she's all girlie, but she can run in her mini skirt?! yeah didn't notice until a jr told me in a totally shocked voice.

jac. oh jac.. the prettiest in the team. yeah one of the 4 beauties (inc hong, ah lian & jess) the ferrari of the team. also a winger like yam. the nicest girl who like to bake n cook. also accident-prone. imagine falling badly juz b4 our first match. gosh..

team manager hong. ms motherly and great cook. can whip up a meal for her family. very gentle n has nice ball handling. our model of an ideal wife. the one my mom pointed out to hav a star's face.

jess, hong's bloodsister. another one happily attached to her bohan. her life goal's to set up a child care center in m'sia. like hong, she's absolutely a ms nice. all girlie, she follows soccer and goes to pubs to watch matches. cool huh?

then there's ms diva rachel. part of the 3musketeers (ah lian, rach n myself) she bounces on the field, together with the long bouncy hair. haha.. can act super bimbotic but hidden behind tt face's a brainy chick. likes things glittery n girlie.

here's introducing my beloved team:: RUGGRATS. a total mix of characters soo different, but yet melt together perfectly. as jac said, it's precisely this blend of ppl tt makes us unique, how we cld come together.

oh never forgetting big fat (whom lobster n i call beefcake) seems egoistic n loud, but yeah nice at times (definitely not when we do anyth wrong n in the midst of punishing us)

one day, we'll send our kids to jess' child care ctr. then hav dr zheng to give us regular checkups. all the accountants in the team will manage the child care, while rach admister the medicine with her bio backgrd together with shaqi's chem engrg. hong can also give us regular x-rays. finally yam will handle all legal stuff.

ok this is a really long entry. if u ever finish reading this, hats off to you. bet u don't understand half of what i juz said anyway. hahhaa...

found a new template. ok i dig things tt are black n white. very unique n edgy. esp old bw photos. don't ask me what ephymerous is. the better person to ask wld be ah lian. maybe i shld check the dict later on. yeah. can't get rid of the banner beind this. yeah.. quite a raw template. in need of refinements which i'll probably not be doing. hahha...

can't believe it. this morning i was flippin ard in bed wondering what i'm gonna do for the next 3mths. and opened my blog. realised tt my favourite pic is gone. really really liked the template. but yeah. the pic was gone so v ugly. anyway was juz looking ard for new template until some agency called me up. so here i am: employed again in tuas area. but yeah. the pay's low but i guess cannot complain cuz i can't possibly get the same rate as i did b4 becuz this is thru agency. anyway so gonna start work on monday. which means i can't really meet up with my pals in the morning. seesh. hope i don't hav to dorn some ugly n awful uniform like i did at shimano. wish me luck on monday..

call me desperate. but i've been lookin for a job since monday. getting sick n tired of this. can't they juz gimme a call or sth? apply n apply. argh! can't be picky abt the pay now. joce cldn't even find one after a wk of searching. she thinks of being a waitress. hmm wonder if she'll really do it. but yeah, maybe she'll go paddy fields. hahha like when we went there together. oh whatever. juz gimme a job. i wanna save for my trip!

TWENTYSOMETHING - Jamie Callum
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even seperate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
THESE ARE THE DAYS
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine
Sometimes when the nights are closing early
I remember you and I start to smile
Even though now you don't want to know me
I get on by, and I go the extra mile
These are the times of love and meaning
Ice of the heart has melted away and found the light
These are the days of endless dreaming
Troubles of life are floating away like a bird in flight
These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine


hmm listened to his songs online. kinda cool. some new age jazz chap. edgy n nice. more funk than norah jones. anyway i guess, this song twentysomething will apply to me real soon. all so lost as to where to go. not sure to pursue our fantasies or reality. yeah, life's a struggle. a contradiction. "we all seem so different, but we're just the same". cheers to all twentysomethings or so to be. u'll know what i mean.

suddenly remember our favourite stick figure, calista flockhart in her role as ally mcbeal. can't rem the name off hand. but yeah, tt seemingly silly character lost in her world. a neurotic at times. but hey, aren't we like tt sometimes? met a friend, hmm maybe u can call it acquaintance. but yeah, she always told me she totally relates to mcbeal. used to think she's so funny. fancy watching some show and being so engrossed until u say u're like tt character. never took her words seriously, until i bumped into her recently. yeah, she's graduating frm fashion school. not planning to work. gonna tour the world. probably be station in china (of all places china. hahha) but yeah, tt's what she wants. not a 9-5 job, sitting by the computer n surrounded by 4 walls. she even intends to set up her own bag shop eventually. sewed a couple of bags n sold em. cool eh?! but yeah, now i know why she says she's like mcbeal. if she's gonna follow the well-trodden path. she'll go mad. neurotic like mcbeal. suffocated in the system. yeah, different ppl different lives.

saw this pair of nike slippers at nike women at taka when i was with raisin. oh man, it was so nice!!! it matched with my purple pants and was totally comfortable. then we went to queensway and i tried it. wah... so nice. but it's so darn costly. 45bucks for a pair of flip flops. how can i spend tt kinda money? altho i really really want to.. oh pls, let this pair of slippers drop from heaven right now. it'll make my day..

so many thoughts running thru my puny little brain. not planning to articulate everyth. a blog is still a blog, it's not private. it's open n free for all. some things are best left to be stored inside urself. yeah, kinda jaded now. so this is it. the start of my so-called holiday.

hahha guess the whole world knows abt the exam leak incident. when chock told me on thurs, i juz laughed. pity tt lecturer who's gonna be trying real hard to save his little ass. hahhaa... how can u be so careless to leak it on edventure? my gosh, some big joke played on all candidates. hahhaa... but pity the students cuz they might hav2 retake the exam. what the... imagine them muggin for it and now they've gotta suffer again becuz of some silly error.

one more paper to go. and i'm not really reading my mktg. juz slacking this labour day, watching billboard and silver clef. watched anywhere but here last nite so i'm juz gonna continue my tv marathon again. hahha... wish me luck for my smoking skills on monday.

couple of thots ran thru my mind during this period. esp my dreams.. ahhaha.. my weird but funny dreams. well, didn't blog it cuz i muz keep it as my secret. hahaha it's not some wet dreams mind u. i've juz got the strangest dreams ever. once dreamed tt i was shot in the head twice. and i juz died. some war thing. weird tt i even escaped being shot the first time round. but yeah, i was shaken. my mom said i was mad. hahhhaa... she's used to my dream-telling

here i am again. after the horrendous stats paper, muchin on my biscuits n watching days of our lives. has been a dumb day for me. making dumb mistakes. who ever said a die has 7 sides? well i did. i said there's 7 dots on a side of the die. hahha so stupid of me. sucha dumbo. this is juz one of the many many mistakes i did. i better not rattle on, or it'll be never-ending story chpt 3.

can't wait to meet wensi on monday! maybe i shld ask ah lian out too. it's been so long since i've met em. too bad, shaqi's back in m'sia. okok, so till then it's break! hahhaha... heck abt mktg. someday i'll give u a low down on my ruggrats. the beloved ones. heh heh..

so this is the 2nd paper tt's gone. 2 more to go and i can't take it. so sick n tired of having exams. been sleeping on my bks day after day. so i'm juz hoping this ends so tt i don't hav2 sleep on my bks. juz sleep. hahhaha... not tt i haven't been doing it anyway. what the heck am i saying? having some literary jam up in my brain now.

tried my dad's wine the other day. coroner's shiraz. yuck, so bitter n smelly. and he even said it was sweet. hahhaha so i told him i still liked burgundy (the one u drink for holy communion) so sweet n nice. then he said, i dunno how to appreciate it. hahah hmm anyway hope tt he brings some nicer ones home. till then, shiraz is not on my list of favourites.

can't wait for the hols to come. it's so boring juz looking at my bks or watching tv. hmm.. actually i've got no idea what to expect during the papers. oh whatever.. it's so boring juz to talk abt exams all the time. it sucks..

watched some travelogue show on tv recently. some backpacking program which follows ppl who check into youth hostels around europe. boy it looked so cool! they went to spain one epi and next to salzburg. oh man, i really wanna go too! always thot i can take this kinda stuff. but i realised if i ever go, it has to be a mixed grp. guys n girls on the road. it's safer n more fun. juz time out having a hell of a time. something i didn't really fancy was the kinda parties they had with the hostelites. all dirty n yeah, u get what i mean. hav been thinking of gg abroad (probably aussie) with pkg. but i'm sure bth our parents won't allow it. hmm maybe i can start saving n ask ard. rope in some ppl to go along. xian, shiwei, suye, vain.. when it comes to europe, u bet i'm gonna ask elliot cuz he'll probably know his way ard. oh there's suye also! she wants to go london. hahah hmm maybe i can even visit yam at nottingham.

boy, all these is juz a dream. too far as of now. but i really hope i can get to do it someday. all before it's too late. juz tour with my friends and hit the road. we can't really travel in a car across states during holidays like u can if u were in aust/ us. the furthest u can go is probably m'sia. and i'm not really keen on tt. hmm... nvm, juz get my pop to agree first. this is my first and biggest biggest hurdle. pop, time to let ur girl go n explore things outside of the safety zone. i know where my limits are. chill..

there's something really wrong with me. i'm always online or doing other unimportant stuff. supposed to be studying or muggin for my papers, but here i am blogging again. what the heck am i doing with my life? argh.. juz no motivation or drive. this is the downslide fer me

anyway, juz had my last mktg presentation. muz say i was a total wreck. unprepared. blabbered thruout my part of the presentation. not confident of what i said. juz absolutely different frm how it was like b4. well highlight of the day was the photo-taking. haha silly ryan said, muz bring digicam cuz she dressed very girlishly today. hahaha.. so cute. yeah, so there we were snapping all the way. quite funny. there's some grp dynamics among the 5 of us. hahah quite funny cuz we're always doing stuff other grps don't do. like crapping, having breakfast, even laughin over lame jokes (thanks to ryan n yiwen) then the 2 guys find solace in each other admist this bunch of wacky girls. poor chaps. hahha but i think they enjoy each other. hohohoho...

so i'm loading the pics onto shutterfly now. hmm might juz add commentaries in it some other day. not tonite. juz too many pics to go. shld i wait for it to finish loading? or shld i get back to my books? hmm.... u can guess which is my choice then

wanted to get my little bit of satisfaction with a choc ice-cream cone. the one yiwen n myself like. but argh, the silly mac girl gave me the wafer cone?!!!! argh! she still asked me what cone i wanted and i told her i want the biscuit one. u muz be thinkin why on earth am i complaining as long as i get the choc ice cream rite? tell u what, i hate the wafer thing. it's so soft n uncrunchy. like food for old people with no teeth. yuck....

watching the new jap drama now. there goes my water boys. last episode last wk. drats, exams are round the corner and i'm already half in the coffin. at the rate i'm gg, i'm juz jumping head on into deep shit. kinda given up on this sem. don't know why i'm doing this to myself but yeah, there goes my white flag hanging above my head. dido's "white flag" is my theme song now.

anyway back to the jap show. hmm not bad looking guys but definitely not as gd as kimura n the beach boy chap (whatever his name is) maybe i shld catch oc, the new ch5 show. looks cool and shallow for a brain dead me on thurs nites..

maybe i shld work at a production house or tv station to watch more tv. hahhaha

hmm yesterday was a musical ride for me. was listening to radio and wah, all my favourite songs were aired! cool.. still haven't got the time to watch linkin park vcd. gosh..

Love Song For A Savior
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

getting a little lyrical these days..

it sucks when ur circle of singletoon friends are shrinking. and recently it has shrunk with two mbrs less. argh.. so obsessed with dating tt u can't meet em up. what's ur problemo? no life outside of tt small partnership of two? yiwen, yeah i think what u said is true abt the turkeys. hahha.. hmm, still think my rugby pals rock more.

get a life outside of your little fantasies with ur soul mates..